Category: Life Skills

Learn how to focus on the soft skills, the people skills like good communication, effective leadership, positive motivation, and managing your emotions.

Learn How to Love Yourself As You Are Right Now

Written by Maria Connolly. Posted in Life Skills.

“Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.” ~ Lucille Ball

“Calgon, take me away!” Do you remember that commercial where a stressed-out woman was able to relax and restore her balance by soaking in a warm, sudsy bathtub?

What was outstanding about this ad was that it gave over-worked women permission to indulge in a simple act of self-care.

Isn’t that a sad commentary about the society we live in? That we need permission? We’re driven by the media to do more, be more, have more. Intimating that what we have and who we aren’t isn’t enough.

On the other hand, it’s refreshing to realize that a bit of self-love can begin to change the quality of our lives. In fact, as counter-intuitive as it may seem, in order to make lasting changes we need to start by accepting where and who we are first.

The way you treat yourself informs others as to how they should treat you. Equally how you treat others reflects on how you feel about yourself. When you make a practice of seeing and verbalizing the good you see in others, then oftentimes you can more easily see the good in yourself.

Do you feel the need of more self-love? Then pick one of the following suggestions and implement it today.

How to love yourself:

Look for and put into grateful words (verbally or in a journal) the good you see in yourself every day.
Make a daily practice of complimenting the good you see in others.
Celebrate your gifts. “I make the world more beautiful because of my…”
Point out the gifts you see in others. “You make my life richer because…”
Ask yourself, “Is this kind and is it true?” when self-talk brings you down.
Do an act of kindness every day.
Don’t think in absolutes – “You never…” “You always…”
Look for what you can do rather than focusing on what you can’t.
Be present in each moment and notice how it makes you feel.
Don’t be in a hurry, slow down and really connect with others.
Maintain your optimism and see the good in every situation.
Every day do your best and honor yourself for it.
Practice self-assessment not judgment.
View life as a journey and enjoy the trip.
Recognize that mistakes are opportunities to learn and correct your course.
Don’t impute bad motives to others; see their good intentions.
Reword self-criticism with positive affirmations.
See your progress. “Wow, a year ago I couldn’t have done that!”
Take responsibility for the consequences of your actions, make amends if necessary, and then move on.
Don’t hold grudges but forgive others freely, never letting a grievance fester.
Forgive yourself. No one is perfect, not even you.
Acknowledge and express your feelings without making accusations.
Set boundaries and honor them.
Stand by your convictions.
Don’t be sucked into other people’s drama.
Let go of trying to control every outcome.
Keep in mind the results you want and let it unfold.
Dignify others with their right to decide. It’s not on you.
Cultivate patience, acceptance and courage.
Share yourself with others and be willing to be vulnerable.
Avoid comparing yourself to anyone else.
Nurture your soul and make time for things that make you happy.
Care for your mind, limit your exposure to bad news, and never stop learning.
Exercise, nourish and respect your body.
Stop self-destructive habits.
Get toxins out of your environment – chemicals or relationships.
Get plenty of sleep.
Schedule time to pamper yourself.
Do more of what fuels your joy in living.
Follow your dreams.
Don’t settle.
Strive for excellence and competence, not perfection.
Surround yourself with people who build you up and inspire you.
Invest in your future and hire a life coach to mentor you.
Keep your inner child alive and foster your sense of wonder and curiosity.
Have fun!
Find your place of solitude and regularly listen to yourself.
Be true to who you are.
Don’t listen to who the world tries to tell you to be.
Keep your sense of humor.

Did you see some areas that could use improvement? The old adage is true, “Practice makes perfect.” So, think about ways to make self-love part of your daily routine. When you learn how to love yourself you will be cultivating wellness on every level and enhancing your efforts to make positive changes.

Please feel free to schedule an “Unlocking Your Potential” 30-minute complimentary consultation so we can explore your options. I’m happy to meet in-person, by phone or via Skype.

Do You Love Yourself Enough? Here are 25 Signs You Don’t…

Written by Maria Connolly. Posted in Life Skills, Spirituality.

As a preteen, did you ever use a daisy to predict if a boy liked you? As you plucked a petal you said, “He loves me.” Then, for the next petal, “He loves me not.”

Kind of sweet but silly, wasn’t it?

Looking back, I think it would have served us better to focus on whether, “I love me or I love me not.” That’s the real foundation for how we live our lives. And it’s often something we don’t get entirely right because of what life throws at us.

Self-love is knowing and accepting that you deserve as much love and affection as anyone else on earth. It means taking care of your physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual needs with kindness. Sad to say, many people don’t treat themselves very well.

However, it’s vital that you love yourself enough. No it’s not selfish or narcissistic or egotistical! If you don’t love yourself, you won’t respect, value or honor yourself. You won’t be happy. Why? Because if you don’t love yourself, what’s the alternative? Indifference. Self-hate. Self-loathing.

If you don’t love yourself, you won’t take proper care of yourself or be happy. This may manifest itself in the following ways:

You feel bad about taking time for yourself.
You tell yourself you’re not good, pretty or smart enough.
You apologize continually for things that don’t need an apology.
You put everyone else first at the expense of your own needs and wants.
You compare yourself unfavorably to others.
You need permission to make self-care a priority.
You feel guilty about spending money on fun things.
You pack your schedule so full because you can’t stand quiet.
You have no idea what your purpose is or what sets your soul on fire.
You need to know what others decide before you make a decision.
You beat yourself up for past failings.
You think you have no gifts or talents or you play them down.
You’re self-critical, only seeing your flaws and feeling unworthy.
You lack self-confidence, so you never try anything that feels risky.
You find it very difficult to stand up for yourself.
You avoid introspection and soul searching.
You blame circumstances or someone else, never seeing your contribution to a problem.
You often say, “I can’t”.
You need others to validate you – “I’m nothing if he doesn’t approve of me”.
You hide your feelings and thoughts so people don’t know the “real” you.
You feel like you’re just existing and getting by.
You keep punishing yourself over the past.
You neglect your health and appearance.
You quit learning and improving because you think, “What’s the use?”
You can’t trust your gut or intuition as you second-guess yourself.

This list is by no means comprehensive, but you may see the tendency toward viewing yourself negatively. Even well-adjusted persons may experience a twinge or two as they read it. We all have a past that follows us in adulthood. We’re all a work in process.

If you’re not treating yourself with the love you deserve, I’d love to help you discover practical ways for achieving greater self-awareness and self-love. I know how scary this can be, but we can do this together. I’ll be sharing some ways to get started in my next blog post.

Please contact me and schedule an “Unlocking Your Potential” 30-minute complimentary consultation (in-person, by phone or via Skype). I’m looking forward to speaking with you soon.

A Letter to My Younger Self – Life Lessons Worth Learning

Written by Maria Connolly. Posted in Life Skills.

“Intimacy begins with oneself. It does no good to try to find intimacy with friends, lovers and family if you are starting out from alienation and division within yourself.” ~Thomas Moore

Have you ever written a note or letter to younger self? I’ve found it to be an effective way to develop greater connection and deeper intimacy with yourself. To forgive yourself for past mistakes. To love yourself unconditionally. Which in turn helps you be more open and compassionate with others.

Let me share my letter to my 16 year-old-self with you.

Dear Younger Self,

When you’re 16, everything seems so intense. One minute you’re in the depths of despair and the next you’re over the moon with happiness. That kind of emotional roller coast can be exhilarating, but it can also be exhausting. So I hope you don’t mind if I share some things I’ve learned over the years. If nothing else, it will help me to put these life lessons down in writing.

As I was saying, emotions can be so hard to handle. And you weren’t born with the tools to manage them. You’re not aware of how far reaching this is yet, but parents and schoolteachers can only teach what they know. And they don’t know everything! (Yes, I know you suspected that already!) Their knowledge can even be faulty!

For example, you were taught that some emotions are bad like anger, pain or selfishness. So you feel like you need to choke these emotions back and hide them from others.

But emotions are neither good nor bad. You feel it, so don’t deny it. It’s important that you acknowledge the way that you feel and process those feelings properly, so you don’t get ‘stuck’ with emotions that don’t serve you.

For example, do you remember how you once adored your father, but how he became so difficult to be around? If you stay stuck in those feelings of alienation, you’ll miss out on a lot of wonderful experiences. Not only with him, but with men friends too. It’s important to continually update your emotions. Extinguish the emotions that are holding you back and nurture the ones that help you be the best you possible.

I know what you’re thinking, “It’s selfish and vain to think so much about yourself.” But that’s not true. We all have to cultivate intimacy with ourselves before we can have intimacy with others. Otherwise, you’ll never know who you really are or feel safe revealing your true self to others. If you don’t accept yourself, the good, bad and ugly, you’ll feel fragmented and conflicted your whole life. I want you to accept all your Parts and feel integrated, whole and at peace with yourself.

You’ll come to realize that people have their reasons for what they do and say. We all have beliefs, values and reasons for doing what we do. Some are just more focused and skilled in their journey through life than others.

By being aware that what people do and say is information about them, you’ll get clues as to the way they think. You can use that to identify their IOS (Internal Operating System. You’ll learn more about this when you study NLP.)

More than anything else I want you to slow down, appreciate each experience and notice everything. Free yourself from expecting a certain outcome, and allow yourself to enjoy every moment of life. Be kind to yourself and to others. Be mindful and be thoughtful.

Living a balanced live is a daily task. I’ll give you an example of what I mean… In 2010, I co-developed with my good friend Nando Raynolds, a wellness program called Life in Balance: The Seven Keys. We did this because we realized that most people we see in our practices lack some basic skills. This seemed to be contributing to their anxiety, depression and general life dissatisfaction.

So we created a simple and methodical way to learn and practice skills like mindfulness, self-care, self-compassion, setting goals etc. The main point of our program is that progress depends on our daily focus and consistency in practicing those skills. The good news is that you never need go it alone. There’s always support available if you’re open to it.

As a final thought, please don’t fall into the trap of focusing on perfection. It’s impossible, so don’t waste the time or energy. Instead strive for competence. That’s what will bring you the greatest satisfaction and joy.

I’m proud of the woman you’ve become. Your desire to learn and grow has made my life rich. Thank you for that.

With all my love and appreciation, Maria

Writing a letter like this allows you to spend time with the person you once were, which can be enlightening, healing, and soul nourishing. I’d love to hear what this exercise reveals to you. Please feel free to share your most valuable life lessons with over on my Facebook page.

Embrace Discomfort – A New Attitude that Purposefully Expands Your Comfort Zone

Written by Maria Connolly. Posted in Fearless Mindset, Life Skills, Positive Mindset.

“If you want to choose the pleasure of growth, prepare yourself for some pain.” – Ritu Ghatourey

Do you remember having growing pains when you were young? They weren’t pleasant were they, but who would want to stay the size of a baby? That’s just part of growing up.

However, what most people don’t recognize is that we continue to have growing pains – emotional, mental and spiritual ones – throughout our lives. However, discomfort now becomes our choice – we can avoid it, endure it, or embrace it. It’s no longer automatic.

Since our brains are hardwired to avoid pain, we often choose to avoid discomforts rather than embrace them. As a result, our personal and professional growth can become stunted.

What are some attitudes that people adopt to avoid the discomfort of growing?

I’m happy where I’m at.
I want to take it easy.
I want to be comfortable.
I don’t want to do that because it makes me uncomfortable.
It’s too hard.

The trouble with staying in your comfort zone is that you can become self-absorbed, complacent, or easily bored. And if you have a creative nature, you’re going to be miserable.

Learning to be comfortable with discomfort is one of the most important skills you can develop. It’s how you’ll live a full and purposeful life. As Jean Shinoda Bolen said, “When you recover or discover something that nourishes your soul and brings joy, care enough about yourself to make room for it in your life.”

But why is growing emotionally, mentally, or spiritually so uncomfortable? Because it involves taking a risk. Letting go of control. Venturing into the unknown. But that’s okay. It may not be easy, but it will be worth it.

When you regularly seek out fresh experiences, you become more creative and emotionally resilient. It makes you stronger and more confident as you see each success and conquer each hurtle. Can’t you look back and remember things that used to make you uncomfortable, but you can now do with ease?

How do you embrace discomfort?

Develop a craving for something more in your life.
Resist the pride of perfectionism.
Be willing to make “mistakes” and see them as learning experiences instead.
Deliberately seek out things that push your limits.
Stop avoiding what’s hard.

Oftentimes you have to expand your understanding to overcome obstacles in front of you – understanding yourself, others, or how things work. It challenges your mental skills. But your brain is like a muscle and the more you use it, the stronger it gets. Conversely if you don’t stretch it, it will become flabby.

Make time for continual learning. Try a new language. Take a mindfulness course. Start a new hobby. You can tackle any project you set your mind to. As Calvin Coolidge said, “All growth depends upon activity. There is no development physically or intellectually without effort, and effort means work.”

If you make a practice of welcoming discomfort, your comfort zone will expand to include and embrace discomfort as a natural part of living. Then you can have a similar attitude to American writer Jonathan Lethem, “Discomfort is very much part of my master plan.”

Most things seem impossible until you do them. Remember that others have felt just as you do and they were able to push beyond that feeling. So can you.

Sometimes it helps to have someone coach you through a big growth spurt. If that’s where you’re at, I’d love to partner with you so you can more easily embrace discomfort. Please feel free to contact me and schedule an “Unlocking Your Potential” 30-minute complimentary consultation (in-person, by phone or via Skype).

How to be More Productive in Life –The Secret No One Is Talking About

Written by Maria Connolly. Posted in Life Skills.

I’m going to share with you a productive secret that very few people will ever share with you. And it may even shock you. Are you ready? It’s okay to be selfish in the morning. No, actually it’s absolutely necessary.

Normally, I wouldn’t recommend selfishness, because it can really damage relationships. But, when you think about it, what is your most important relationship? (Hint: It’s the one you’re most likely neglecting.)

It’s your relationship with yourself, right? If you’re not treating yourself with love, patience, and respect, you won’t be able to show those qualities to others. And you won’t have enough energy to be productive in life.

So, I’m suggesting you do something just for yourself as soon as you get up. It might be making your bed, exercising, reading something inspirational, or meditation. Whatever fuels your creativity and energy. Become a master of your time and set intentions for how you want your day to be.

Now let’s increase your productivity in life by using this same “principle of selfishness” as you carve out the first hour of your work day to focus on your own project. (Of course, this works well if you run your own business. But the principle can also make you indispensible in whatever organization you work for, because it effectively prioritizes your day.)

Too often we jump into taking care of others’ requests or ‘urgent’ needs. Emails, voicemails and the like can wait…they’ll still be there later. Responding in this reactive manner makes you feel like you’re always trying to catch up. Like there’s not enough time. Like you’re not doing what fuels your soul. Like you’re missing out.

On the other hand, if you guard the first hour of your workday, you’ll feel like you’re living up to your potential and that you’re accomplishing something important. In turn, this energizes you to do more, and you build momentum, getting more accomplished with less effort.

Try the following steps to ease into this new morning routine:

Block out the first hour of every workday on your calendar. Make this a recurring event, and let everyone know this hour is taken. No compromising!
Avoid distractions and set boundaries you can live with, like not checking your email, social media or answering your phone.
If you have a mandatory meeting at this time, consider starting your day an hour earlier so you honor your commitment.

What do you do with the first hour of your new schedule?

Choose a meaningful and/or important project to work on. Look for something that you’ve been intending to do, but haven’t gotten to yet because you’ve been too busy taking care of everyone else’s priorities. For entrepreneurs this can mean working on your business instead of in your business and coming up with plans for future growth.

Then, start making notes for what needs to happen to make your project a reality. Once you have these notes, organize them in a book, card file or small sheets of paper. Put one task per page, card, or piece of paper with instructions of how to do it. If you don’t know, then your task is to find someone who can teach you or can do it for you.

How do you organize all these notes into a productivity strategy you can reuse in all facets of life?

Break your project down into monthly benchmarks for success.
Break each month’s objective down into weekly tasks.
Break down your weekly tasks into 3 critical items.

Start your day working on your single most important item. Once it’s completed, move to the next. If you don’t accomplish all three tasks within the hour, move the unfinished task to the top of your pile to work on tomorrow. Oftentimes you’ll accomplish more in this first hour than you otherwise would all day.

This process helps you become more mindful as you regularly pause to breathe and assess what’s most important to you everyday. You develop a skill that helps you to be fully engaged and productive in life.

Need some help getting started? Whether it’s personal development, improving your health or marketing your business, I’m here to help you stay on track and reach your highest purpose. Please feel free to contact me and schedule an “Unlocking Your Potential” 30-minute complimentary consultation (in-person, by phone or via Skype), and let’s get started.

Category: Life Skills

Learn How to Love Yourself As You Are Right Now

Do You Love Yourself Enough? Here are 25 Signs You Don’t…

A Letter to My Younger Self – Life Lessons Worth Learning

Embrace Discomfort – A New Attitude that Purposefully Expands Your Comfort Zone

How to be More Productive in Life –The Secret No One Is Talking About

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