Maria Connolly, LPC
Disappointment is a difficult emotion to deal with because it’s painful and generally comes from a loss of some kind. And, for most of us, it triggers harsh, critical, judgmental self-talk. Is that your default setting, too? But the good news is we can turn it on its head and use it to our advantage. Yes, there are benefits of disappointment!
Doesn’t it feel like changes have been rolling in fast and furious, like the surf in a storm. If you work as a coach, no doubt you want to help your clients cope and be ready for change. How do you feel about change? As a coach, you most likely embrace it as a chance to experience something new and venture out past your comfort zone.
But what happens when something comes crashing out of left field, completely blindsiding us? We may be left floundering ourselves. How can we not only embrace change but be ready to make the most of it? If we’re not able to do this, how can we possibly help our clients? These are the questions we can not afford to ignore.
“The best way to not feel hopeless is to get up and do something. Don’t wait for good things to happen to you. If you go out and make some good things happen, you will fill the world with hope, you will fill yourself with hope.” ~ Barack Obama
If you want to keep your sanity, make sure you do one real thing every day. That’s what the character Jethro Gibbs of NCIS and all great leaders teach us. When Gibbs needs to decompress and become grounded, he turns to woodworking in his basement. Think about it…Winston Churchill had his painting, J.F.K. went sailing with his family, Condoleezza Rice loves golfing, Maya Angelou danced, and Angela Merkel loves to hike. Do you see a pattern? Effective leaders make time to do something real, some sort of physical activity that makes them feel their bodies and minds connected within themselves and with the earth, to be grounded.
“Disappointment to a noble soul is what cold water is to burning metal; it strengthens, tempers, intensifies, but never destroys it.” ~ Eliza Tabor
We are the only living organisms on this planet who build our lives around our hopes and expectations. It’s what makes us human. Without hope or expectation, we would be existing, not living. However, with these highs come the lows of disappointment, because we don’t always realize our expectations. And that makes us sad, angry or even despondent. So how are you dealing with disappointment? Could you use some tips on how to handle it a little bit better?
Whether professionally or personally, when we’re in the realm of hope and expectation, we’re dealing with things far beyond our control. We can work hard and set ourselves up for success the best we’re able, but success isn’t guaranteed. We can’t control how others will react or how situations go awry.
I’m fascinated by sailing — you’ve probably noticed that theme on my website. I think it interests me because it’s a highly dynamic activity, so while sailors have to live in the moment it also requires planning and foresight. We’ve learned through life’s ups and downs in 2020 that we can’t control “the weather” but we can learn to use self-leadership tools to navigate through the elements and head in the direction we want to go!
Does it feel like you’ve been blown off course — maybe a little or maybe way off course? It’s difficult to stay inspired day after day, no it’s not difficult. It’s impossible! There are days where we just don’t feel inspired. It might be the world situation or it might be something going on in our personal life. So then what, do we just let the wind blow us in any direction?
No, even on days where we don’t feel particularly inspired we can stay the course. Let’s talk about two things that will help.