Maria Connolly, LPC
Rather than thinking fear is an unpleasant emotion that signals danger, learn ways to cultivate a fearless mind so that when you feel fear you can embrace it as an opportunity to become fully aware of your surroundings and connect with you inner power to handle it.
Disappointment is a difficult emotion to deal with because it’s painful and generally comes from a loss of some kind. And, for most of us, it triggers harsh, critical, judgmental self-talk. Is that your default setting, too? But the good news is we can turn it on its head and use it to our advantage. Yes, there are benefits of disappointment!
Every craftsman has a favorite, go-to tool that they always reach for because it reliably gets the job done. Have you thought about what tools you often reach for when you’re in a stressful or difficult situation? For some people, it’s anger. Other people use pouting. Are those the best tools to use? They’re more like using a screwdriver handle to pound a nail. It may do something, but you’re not going to be happy with the results. Plus, you’re more likely to get hurt. So what’s the power tool that you can use to easily shift your mood and choose a more resourceful state of mind, even under trying circumstances?
Which would you say is more stressful and damaging to your health — stress from a car accident or from a messy house? — a breakup with a romantic partner or a friend who makes you crazy because she never follows through on what she promises? — a harsh comment from a friend or self-sabotaging thoughts?
We’re well-equipped to handle short-term stressors or life-threatening situations. We deal with it, then we’re free of it. But if there’s constant, long-term, nagging stress, we suffer deeply.
As you follow your own path, you will experience internal and external resistance, but you can learn to tolerate fear and turn it to your advantage…
“If the path before you is clear, you’re probably on someone else’s.” ~ Joseph Campbell.
Do you have a strong urge to follow your own path? It’s an innate desire to express ourselves as individuals. And, in fact, your family and community need you to show up as your authentic self. However, is it sometimes a struggle? Can you relate to this woman’s experience…
“By the time I was 35, I expected, as did my mama, that I would be married, working a part-time job and raising a family. Instead I’m living with a cat, trying to make a living as a self-employed life coach and I absolutely love it! I didn’t take the path all of my siblings did. I didn’t follow in daddy’s footsteps. I didn’t go to college. All those were someone else’s dreams, not mine. Did I meet resistance from family and friends? YES! Did I experience terror at times? YES! But that fear was exhilarating to me, not a roadblock.”
Whoa…did you come to a screeching halt at the last sentence, “fear exhilarated me”? Can fears be exciting? Aren’t fears always scary? What can you do if your fears stop you from stepping forward because they feel insurmountable?
“Real connection and intimacy is like a meal, not a sugar fix.” ~ Kristin Armstrong
Does the idea of being emotionally intimate sound amazing or scary to you? Fear keeps many people distant from others. As a result, they become loners or social butterflies that flit from one encounter to another, collecting acquaintances but no real friendships.
We all need close friends who are there for us through good times and bad. They are the people who love and accept us for who we are. But, for you, how close is close enough? Do you keep people at arm’s length? Or do you embrace them wholeheartedly? Or is your comfort zone somewhere in between?
