Category: Life Skills

Learn how to focus on the soft skills, the people skills like good communication, effective leadership, positive motivation, and managing your emotions.

5 Lifelong Benefits of Waking Up Early to Turn So-So into Success

Written by Maria Connolly. Posted in Life Skills.

“Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise.” ~ Benjamin Franklin

Ancient wisdom says there are many benefits of waking up early. What’s your normal wake up time? Mine is 5:00 a.m. Some people, extreme early risers, get up around 4:00 a.m.

There are numerous reasons why I love getting up early each morning. No, I’m not saying it’s always easy, but once I’m up, I love it!

I love drinking my morning coffee with my sweetie and my two kitties. I love how it sets the tone for my day. I love driving through the morning light as I go to or come home from the gym. It’s my special time of the day, before other demands crowd in on me.

Maybe you’re not a “morning person” but getting in tune with the natural rhythms of life and the cycle of the sun can help you live more intentionally. Bottom line: you’ll feel better physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually.

Here are five of my top benefits of waking up early:

Productivity. With a clear mind and well-rested body, the ability to concentrate is at its peak. No one is there to interrupt your train of thought or to impose their priorities upon you. You can optimize your performance, because your body hasn’t experienced the wear and tear of the day.

One warning: if you waste this time on emails, social media or texting, your brain will get a hit of dopamine, like you’ve accomplished something, but you haven’t accomplished anything with lasting satisfaction. The first hour of the day should be your time to focus on what matters most to you. Concentrate on doing “deep work” as author and professor, Cal Newport suggests.

More time. You feel like you don’t have enough time, right? I know you’ve said that a time or two. But when you get up early, it’s like you’re creating more time.

Wouldn’t you rather greet each day calmly, rather than being stressed out as you rush out the door? That just puts your game off for the whole day. Being up before everyone else gives you time to plan and getting organized.

Creativity. Sleep lets your brain sort through the previous day’s challenges. When you wake up to the sacred space you’ve created for yourself, the answers you’re seeking will more easily come to you. As your mind roams free in the tranquility of the morning, you’ll get some of your best ideas.

Mindful decisions. Waking up early means you’re going to have to go to bed earlier, because you do need restorative sleep. Developing the discipline to turn off that movie or close the book by 9:00 or 10:00 will give you a feeling of control…that you’re creating the life you want.

Before going to bed, plan out what you’ll do first thing in the morning. Lay out your gym clothes, or open the book you want to read or the journal you want to write in. Whatever your goals are…use this time as an investment in yourself.

Peace of Mind. There’s magic in the early morning hours. The air has a different feel. The birds are just waking up. The calm and quiet helps you think. It gives you the opportunity to listen to what your body and spirit is telling you. And there’s nothing better than watching the endless beauty of each sunrise.

Studies have shown that once you open your wallet and spend money, then it’s easier to do it again and again. The same is true with spending time as you invest in yourself. It breaks the dam of feeling unworthy. Are you ready to make that breakthrough and claim your worthiness? Then please attend our upcoming Foundations of Life Coaching and NLP in Ashland, Oregon. Nando and I promise you will reap huge benefits, if you come fully prepared to participate wholeheartedly.

How to Be Courageous Enough to Set Strong Emotional Boundaries

Written by Maria Connolly. Posted in Life Skills.

“When we fail to set boundaries and hold people accountable, we feel used and mistreated.” ~ Brené Brown

When was the last time you were asked to do something that you didn’t want to do, and you did it anyway? Your intuition or gut screams “no”, but you push ahead, and when you do, what happens? You feel used, unappreciated, undervalued. Your anxiety, frustration and anger rise.

Why do we do that to ourselves? When we do it, we’re not happy. And the people we’re interacting with won’t be happy either, because we begrudge every moment. It doesn’t allow us to be wholeheartedly present and joyful.

This unhappy chain of events begins with not recognizing and honoring emotions. Yes, you felt a push back to the request, but that’s not the emotions I’m referring to. I mean the emotions that made your heart pound and your stomach clench so that you were unable to say “No!”

Why do some people become people-pleasers? Is it because they hate confrontation and they don’t feel strong enough to speak their truth? Is it because they don’t want to let anyone down? Is it that they are afraid they won’t be liked or accepted anymore?

To gain greater awareness of these deeply held emotions, it takes willingness to be present with the pain, the guilt, the shame, the fear, and the discomfort. It means admitting your vulnerability. And it’s scary to dive that deeply into your emotions. But be assured that from such vulnerability arises the internal harmony, strength, conviction, ideals and values you’ll need to set realistic emotional boundaries.

Does the thought of setting emotional boundaries intimidate or scare you? Perhaps you believe that boundaries scare people away. And you’re afraid of being excluded and alone.

Nothing could be further from the truth.

Emotional boundaries are a form of empowerment, strength, and a way for you to align with your true self. If you don’t have boundaries, you’re sending the message that you don’t care, that you don’t know what you want, that you’re desperate to take whatever you can get, and that you won’t put up a fight. No one feels good being a doormat like that.

Setting personal boundaries is a form of self-respect and self-love. By respecting yourself enough to set necessary boundaries in your life, you’ll gain the respect of others and discover a unique freedom and peace of mind.

Clearly define your emotional boundaries and stick to them. If you wish to establish more healthy boundaries in your life, here are a few helpful tips for you:

Acknowledge that you don’t have to be superwoman.
Recognize your limits: you can’t and shouldn’t do everything.
Know that your limits don’t define who you are, just what you chose to do.
Do well what you can, let someone else do the rest.
Remember that it’s okay to say no.
Reconnect with or discover what you want out of life.
Clearly define your ideals and values.
Reevaluate the list of the things you will or will not tolerate in your life.
Write a sticky note giving you permission to feel your emotions and say “no”.
Discuss your intentions with an accountability partner.
Trust that the right people will stick with you no matter what.

It takes courage and a lot of internal work to set emotional boundaries. If you crave that kind of courage and peace of mind, please contact me and schedule an “Unlocking Your Potential” 30-minute complimentary consultation (in-person, by phone or via Skype). I’d love to provide guidance and accountability in support of your quest for a more fulfilling life.

Practice Self Forgiveness First - The Ho’oponopono Way

Written by Maria Connolly. Posted in Life Skills.

“Once you forgive yourself, the self-rejection in your mind is over. Self-acceptance begins, and the self-love will grow so strong that you will finally accept yourself just the way you are. That's the beginning of the free human. Self forgiveness is the key.” ~ Don Miguel Ruiz

Does it feel like your happiness depends on the whim of every circumstance that comes your way? You lose your job, a relationship falls apart, you have a health crisis and it feels like your whole world crashes down around you. This emotional rollercoaster can make you feel so powerless.

It can’t be helped. External factors will affect you. Yet you can regain strength and get right with yourself again by practicing an ancient Hawaiian discipline called Ho’oponopono.

You haven’t heard of Ho’oponopono? Well, let me introduce you to a marvelous, almost hypnotic practice that helps you center and harmonize yourself.

The Hawaiian word comes from ho‘o ("to make") and pono ("right"). The repetition of the word pono means "doubly right" or being right with both yourself and others. Lasting happiness springs from this deep sense of congruency.

This process begins with finding your reason for being here on Earth. What is your big purpose – your why? This has to be something that comes from deep inside you, not based on pleasing someone else. When your reason for being resonates with your heart, mind and spirit, it becomes your path. That’s what it means to be Pono.

Then when you know your purpose, what you're meant to do and what you’re meant to have flows from that. The things you then have and the things you do will bring you happiness because they’re in harmony with your reason for being.

How is this tied to self forgiveness? As human beings, we all make bad choices, we make mistakes. If we don’t have self forgiveness, we won’t feel comfortable in our own skins and we won’t be able to forgive others.

If you haven’t forgiven yourself, you can’t be Pono. Something will always be off, out of kilter. Everything you do, everything you see in yourself and others will be colored from this skewed point of view.

For example, if you’re hard on yourself and judgmental this is how you’ll look at others too. The thing that you can’t stand most in others is often a trait you hold deep within yourself. When you can forgive yourself of that trait, it will no longer be a sore spot in your view of others.

Learn to accept yourself, love yourself, and let the negativity go. After all, how can you feel good about yourself and your own life if you’re constantly remembering, reliving and keeping score of wrongs done to you or that you’ve done?

“Although you should not erase your responsibility for the past, when you make the past your jailer, you destroy your future. It is such a great moment of liberation when you learn to forgive yourself, let the burden go, and walk out into a new path of promise and possibility.” ~ John O'Donohue

How do you practice self forgiveness? Tell yourself the following phrases until you believe them...“I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you.” When you feel anger, disappointment or other hurt feelings welling up, turn inward, connect with yourself and lovingly forgive yourself of the things that trigger these responses.

Does this work? Definitely. Watch this video to see how Dr. Ihaleakala Hew Len effectively practices Ho’oponopono within the prison system. If it can work there, it will work for you.

When you discover the inner peace that comes with being Pono, it helps you let go of negative feelings towards others. The very essence of ho‘oponopono is that you can forgive others because you see your connection with them.

When you become right with yourself, you become right with others. This is key to creating lasting life changes. Every day, we're given a positive seed to plant with the responsibility to help it grow and flourish. Certainly we wouldn’t want to poison and kill it with negativity.

If you’re ready to break the negativity cycle and would like someone to support and provide accountability for you, please feel free to contact me and schedule an “Unlocking Your Potential” 30-minute complimentary consultation (in-person, by phone or via Skype). Let’s get started!

Practice Gratitude and You’ll Feel Rich Beyond Measure

Written by Maria Connolly. Posted in Life Skills.

What are you most grateful for? I’m so grateful for a supportive husband, close family, loving friends, a great business working with wonderful women, a strong body, having the skills to cope with daily ups and downs and so much more. My list is really too long to itemize. Perhaps it’s the same with you.

Did you realize that some people struggle with listing even five things they’re grateful for? Ungrateful people tend to focus on deprivation, regrets, lack, scarcity and loss. Grateful people, on the other hand, tend to talk about things like gifts, givers, blessings, fortune and abundance.

Why does being grateful come easily for some but not for others?

According to experiments conducted by Anthony Ahrens, associate professor of psychology at American University, people who score high for autonomy experience less overall gratitude, and they value it less. It’s possibly because they feel that gratitude undermines their independence.

People who tend to be perfectionists may also have a neutral or negative reaction to gratitude because it attributes their success to benefits received from others. They don’t want to feel beholden in any way. And they don’t want to share the spotlight with anyone else.

Living in a culture that equates having “things” with happiness also undermines a person’s ability to feel grateful. Much of society feels entitled, that the universe owes them. They see relationships through the lens that they are bought, used and disposed once their purpose is fulfilled, just like the “things” they purchase.

Depression may also be a factor. Studies suggest that chronic complaining may be linked to depression and anxiety. If you ever experience severe depression, please seek help immediately. If you’re experiencing a funk, you’ll be pleasantly surprised at how practicing gratitude can life your spirits.

Have you been influenced by any of these limiting points of view? Don’t feel discouraged. There are things you can do to improve.

The good thing about gratitude is you can always have more. So don’t reserve a spirit of thankfulness to just once a year. As Zig Ziglar put it, “Gratitude is the healthiest of all human emotions. The more you express gratitude for what you have, the more likely you will have even more to express gratitude for.”

When you do feel amazingly awesome moment of gratitude, savor those feelings. Pause. Notice. Let it sink in. Soak it up.

But gratitude is more than a feeling. Gratitude is a virtue that leads to action. It embodies the law of reciprocity. You do a nice thing for me, I want to do a nice thing for you. And it makes me feel so good I want to pass it on to someone else.

To say you’re grateful doesn’t mean everything in your life is great all the time. It just means you can see the goodness and you don’t take it for granted. Gratitude shifts your focus from what you think your life lacks to the abundance you already have. It increases your resiliency, optimism and energy. Gratitude puts situations into perspective so you don’t complain or stay stuck. It lessens panic and opens up your thinking of new solutions as you see what’s working for you.

Just as there are many ways to exercise, you can express gratitude in various ways like practicing mindfulness, meditating, praying, reminiscing and sharing stories, being more generous, or spending time in nature. Some families have made a practice of taking turns to express one thing they’re grateful for before eating dinner. What an easy and sustainable practice!

Once you decide to practice gratitude, give it some time before you expect changes. But be assured they will come, because you can rewire your brain. Please feel free to contact me and schedule an “Unlocking Your Potential” 30-minute complimentary consultation (in-person, by phone or via Skype). We can talk about more ways to practice gratitude and live an embodied life.

How to Increase Your Willpower with 7 Skills that Unleash Massive Productivity

Written by Maria Connolly. Posted in Life Skills.

Self-control, self-discipline, self-regulation, self-restraint, willpower, resolution, mental toughness, grit...whatever you call it, it’s a cognitive process that you need if you’re going to reach your desired goal. And as the word “self” implies, this is something you must develop within yourself. No one can do it for you.

Yet, if you were to list your strengths, would self-control and willpower be on your list? If so, are they near the top? If you’re like most people, they’re probably nearer the bottom.

So much of today’s marketing says you’ll succeed (lose weight, quit smoking, excel in business) if you just have more willpower. You’re told to control yourself and make yourself do it.

But we’re all emotional beings. We have ups and downs. The problem with being told you need more willpower is that it doesn’t give you the skills or tools to know how to develop it. As the definition states, it’s a process in your brain. And a process can be built if you don’t have one, or it can be improved if you do have one.

How to build and increase your willpower and self-discipline? Learn to listen to yourself in the following areas:

1. Care for your physical needs. You’ve heard it before, but it can’t be overemphasized...eat nutritious food, get plenty of restorative sleep and exercise. Your body is an engine and it needs the right fuel and maintenance to run at peak efficiency. If you don’t care for yourself you’ll be moody, make rash decisions and lose your cool.

2. Ride the tide. Desires and distractions ebb and flow like the tide. When you have a strong impulse to do something you shouldn’t, count to 10. Breathe deeply and center yourself to stay in touch with what’s really important to you. Wait 10 minutes before taking action. By then that wave of desire will become a ripple that you can easily step over.

3. Forgive yourself. It’s a vicious cycle if you default to self-disgust when you don’t measure up to your ideals. It leads to the “Why try?” attitude, which leads to binging on the undesirable behavior you’re trying to conquer. When you slip up, forgive yourself and move on. Acknowledge how the mistake makes you feel, but don’t wallow in it. Shift your attention to what you can do to improve yourself and the situation right now.

4. Live in the present. There’s a trap in living in the past. You know that’s what you’re doing if you say, “I failed before; I’ll fail again”. Or you label yourself “I’m a ___”. That’s not who you are. That’s a past behavior that you don’t have to model today. The other trap is living in the future. That’s indicated by saying, “I’ll get to it someday, but not today.” Learn to be mindfully present in the moment.

5. Focus on results. Your emotional state is determined by what you focus your attention on. Focus on problems and you prolong negative emotions. Focus on positive actions you CAN take and you’ll feel empowered, even if it means taking just one little step forward. That one step will lead to another, which leads to another…until you get the results you desire.

6. Say “YES” when you mean YES and “NO” when you mean NO. I know. You hem and haw because you don’t want to let someone down or put someone out. But you’re not honoring them with indecisive messages. Give them a clear answer and they’ll accept it.

Wishy washy phrases like, “I’m not sure” or “I think so” give your power away. In fact, it harms your physical and mental health. Researchers at the University of California in San Francisco found that if you have trouble saying “no” you’re more likely to experience stress, burnout and depression.

When you honor how you feel and honor the things you're committed to doing, it increases your self-control and willpower. You won’t be spreading yourself too thin by over-committing yourself.

7. Avoid perfectionism and be willing to pay the price. Regrets and worrying about “what ifs” get you nowhere. Plan your strategy and funnel your energies into your chosen course of action. It won’t be perfect, because nothing can be perfect. Just do it as competently as you can. You’ll be surprised by how much you accomplish and how empowering it is!

So now you have a process when you need the willpower to attain a goal or objective. But how do you know if it’s the right goal? Would you like to ensure you’re spending your time and energy on the right thing for you, right now? Then please feel free to contact me and schedule an “Unlocking Your Potential” 30-minute complimentary consultation (in-person, by phone or via Skype).

Category: Life Skills

5 Lifelong Benefits of Waking Up Early to Turn So-So into Success

How to Be Courageous Enough to Set Strong Emotional Boundaries

Practice Self Forgiveness First - The Ho’oponopono Way

Practice Gratitude and You’ll Feel Rich Beyond Measure

How to Increase Your Willpower with 7 Skills that Unleash Massive Productivity

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How to Step Forward to a Future You've Created

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