“Owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing that we’ll ever do.” ~ Brené Brown

Recently, when I complimented one of my clients, she replied, “It’s nothing; anyone could have done it.” I heard what she was doing, but I knew she didn’t hear what she was telling herself in that discounting statement. Calmly I looked her in the eye and asked, “Is that really how you value yourself?” Her eyes widened, as she realized what she had done…

Why self-value and self-esteem are lacking today

I’d like you to give this some serious thought: When was the last time you said or did something that discounted your actions, thoughts, or words as being nothing special? Perhaps you under priced a service you provide, or you gave in to a disagreement relinquishing something you highly valued, or you dismissed sincere feedback, or you spoke in a self-deprecating manner, as if in jest.

It’s so important for you to value yourself accurately — you’re not presenting your true self if you over-inflate your importance (too much ego) nor if you discount yourself (too little self-esteem). Either way, you make yourself out to be something that you’re not. Balance comes when you assign the proper amount of value to yourself.

None of us can speak our truth, if we’re not recognizing and assessing our contribution to family, business, and community properly.

But this can be tricky! It takes mindful adjusting of our dials. You may need to dial down ego and dial up self-esteem, or vice versa. And when you do this, you’ll find that it’s not just one thing in your life that changes; it involves your whole body, mind, and spirit connection.

Recognize when you’re discounting or undervaluing yourself. As Dr. Asa Don Brown so eloquently puts it, “Self-talk reflects your innermost feelings.” Women, more so than men, seem to be “experts” at deflecting any mention of their personal or professional value. Some indicators are:

• Confuse what you do with who you are.
• Downplay or understate your real value.
• Shy away from complements and praise.
• Say things like, “It’s nothing” or “It’s just my job”.
• Cringe inwardly and feel like a fraud when you outwardly accept recognition.

Only you can give value to yourself. When you value yourself, it shows in how you present yourself, influencing how others perceive you. This may be difficult because you may have accepted what other people have imposed on you…

• Perhaps a parent was trying to teach you modesty and humility, but went overboard and taught you to be self-deprecating or overly critical of self.
• Perhaps someone in authority, such as a teacher of boss, had ridiculed and used name calling to cut you down until you believe their assessments of your character.
• Perhaps you’re, by nature, shy and introverted, so it’s easier to hide in the shadows and it’s painful to have the spotlight shone on you.

Our self-esteem can take some heavy knocks throughout our lives, and if we’re not mindfully assessing, recentering, grounding, and building ourselves back up, our self-value will suffer.

You, as a living human being, are valuable! During this time of social distancing due to COVID-19, why not make this your opportunity to become more aware of how you value yourself. I encourage you to use self-leadership strategies to do an assessment of your current…

• Perception of self versus others’ perception projected upon you. 
• State – who you are as a person emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually.
• Skills – what you can do and what you have accomplished, learning to talk about them comfortably.
• Strengths – you probably have more than you realize.
• Resourcefulness – what you know, what you can learn, and who you can become, when challenged.

What you do is not who you are. You may have done things you regret, but these do not decrease your value as a person! Please choose to value yourself by choosing new thoughts, new feelings, new speech and new behaviors that build you up. And remember that no fellow traveler on this journey called life has the right to pass judgment on your worth as a human being.  

Sometimes the hardest part about valuing yourself is learning to speak up respectfully for your needs, wants, values and beliefs. Effective communication is a skill I love working with my clients! Please contact me and schedule an “Unlocking Your Potential” 30-minute complimentary consultation. We can do this via phone or Skype from the safety and comfort of your own home. I can’t think of a better way for getting through this trying time, can you?