Maria Connolly, LPC
Auto-accommodating is an unconscious, compulsive habit of managing, fixing, or adjusting to the emotions and needs of people around you to avoid conflict or ensure your own safety and peace.
I’ve discovered during the past 20 years… something about brilliant, professional women. There’s a pattern that quietly follows these capable, thoughtful women through their lives.
First comes the sudden tightness in your chest at the family dinner table – before the thoughts, before the words. Your body knows. Even as your aunt reaches across the table, inches from crossing that invisible line with another well-meaning but invasive question, your stomach coils into familiar knots. These aren’t just random sensations; they’re your body’s wisdom alerting you to whether or not you’ve been setting family boundaries adequately.
If the words “grateful” and “thankful” were colors, in the shade of red, which would be the darker, richer red? Many of us use those words interchangeably. They are closely related. But there are fundamental differences between the two. Understanding the difference between thankful and grateful will deepen and enrich your mindfulness practices.
Sometimes, we want something to work so badly we end up overextending ourselves almost to the point of breaking. Some people call it bending over backward for someone. You’ve been there, right? At the time, the situation seems to demand that you keep giving just to maintain a semblance of peace.
Part of being human is going through different phases of life. As children, we’re dependent on our parents. Then in the adolescent years, we push for a more autonomous position. Then finally as adults, we learn to become interdependent.
However, whether by nature or nurture, a person may not fully evolve as he or she has the potential to do. Because our society values independence to a fault, often individuals aren’t taught or don’t learn skills to develop interdependent relationships.