Maria Connolly, LPC Facebook Facebook Facebook

Category: Healthy Relationships

Unlearn the Lessons of a Toxic Childhood — You Deserve to be Loved!

A toxic childhood teaches you many unhealthful and unhelpful lessons; and it fails to teach you the most valuable lesson — that you’re worthy of love. “An unpredictable parent is a fearsome god in the eyes of a child.” ~ Susan Forward, Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life

Do you think that love always comes with strings attached? That if someone is a winner then you’re a loser? That you need to placate everyone? That being neglected or abused verbally or physically is normal and you make excuses for it? That emotions make you vulnerable and weak? That it’s better to feel nothing? That you’re on your own?

Then it’s highly likely you’ve learned “lessons” from a toxic childhood that are neither healthful nor accurate. You didn’t deserve it. You didn’t deserve the neglect and abuse you suffered in your toxic childhood. You didn’t deserve to be ignored for days on end. You didn’t deserve the belittling and constant criticism. You were not to blame.

Continue reading

9 Ways for Staying Connected and Socially Close While Physically Distancing

Social distancing is out! “Staying connected and socially close while physical distancing” is in! This puts the emphasis on a positive and healthy message.“The world is so empty if one thinks only of mountains, rivers & cities; but to know someone who thinks & feels with us, & who, though distant, is close to us in spirit, this makes the earth for us an inhabited garden.” ~ Goethe

Social distancing…I’ve come to dislike this term. I understand that physical distancing shows care for my neighbors during this pandemic. I want them to feel comfortably safe, when I encounter them at the store or elsewhere. That requires physical distancing, not social distancing. I don’t have to rush past them, never acknowledging their existence. Just making eye contact and smiling is important. After all, they may not see my smile behind my mask, but they’ll see it in my eyes.

Continue reading

Racism and Social Injustice: I’m White. What Can I Do?

After seeing recent social injustices and racial inequalities, have you wondered: I’m white, what can I do? It’s good to ask; it’s better to do something. “For it isn’t enough to talk about peace. One must believe in it. And it isn’t enough to believe in it. One must work at it.” Eleanor Roosevelt

Empathy has been defined as putting yourself in the shoes of another, knowing within yourself how they feel and what they need you to do, or say, or not say, in the moment. But how can you have empathy if you’ve never had to walk the path that someone else has had to walk? Because of the recent, terrible acts of racism and social injustice, I’ve been thinking about how yes, I’m white, but what can I do to help. It’s causing me to examine my own biases, as never before.

Ignorance is a blinder to empathy. The trouble with ignorance is that we may not even know when we are “ignoring” something vital that’s right in front of us. Even more criminal is choosing not to know. This contributes to the problem just as much as actively participating in it. This is the time when doing nothing is not acceptable, for doing nothing is actively making the problem worse. 

Continue reading

How to Respond to Psychological Projection in Relationships That Are Strained

Understand why we project our thoughts and feelings onto others and learn how to respond to psychological projection in relationships in healthy ways. “Since the beginning of time, people have been trying to change the world so that they can be happy. This hasn’t ever worked, because it approaches the problem backward. What The Work gives us is a way to change the projector—mind—rather than the projected. It’s like when there’s a piece of lint on a projector’s lens. We think there’s a flaw on the screen, and we try to change this person and that person, whomever the flaw appears on next. But it’s futile to try to change the projected images. Once we realize where the lint is, we can clear the lens itself. This is the end of suffering, and the beginning of a little joy in paradise.” ~ Byron Katie

Have you ever noticed how people hate or get irritated by the qualities in others that they themselves unknowingly possess? Take for example, Don, the husband of a close friend. He’s always making comments like, “I can’t stand people who are so controlling,” or “That woman has a control issue, for sure!” He adamantly proclaims that he hates men who control women, but those around him glance at each other with knowing looks, because we see him trying to control his wife and kids in little ways all the time.

Continue reading

How to Let Go of Hurt, Hate, Anger, and Pain & Nurture Inner Peace

We feel hurt when we feel used or betrayed. Yet this suffering can stay far too long. To recover, we must learn how to let go of hurt, hate, anger and pain.“Whatever comes, let it come, what stays let stay, what goes let go.” ~ Papaji

We’ve all been hurt by another person at some time or another. We’ve all felt used, unseen or betrayed. And while this pain is normal, sometimes the suffering stays for far too long. We relive the experience over and over, and have a hard time letting go, because we’re trying to figure out what went wrong. This not only causes us to be unhappy, but can distract us from our lives, making us hesitant to open up to new things and people. We get trapped in a cycle of hurt and confusion, and miss out on the beauty of life as it happens.

It’s vital to learn to let go of the hurt, to be able to forgive, so we can move on and be present for what matters most. This is something I learned the hard way, not once but several times. Moving forward, I want to love deeply and let go more easily when the time comes.

Continue reading


Let's get started with 30 free minutes

I invite you to learn more about me and my coaching and counseling services. Please contact me to schedule an “It starts with you!” 30-minute complimentary consultation with me, in-person, by phone or via video consultation, so we can explore our partnership.

SCHEDULE


RECEIVE YOUR FREE 7-POINT

Wellness
Assesment

Create change through awareness with a FREE gift from Maria to you.
Download your Assesment today!

© Neways Integrated Wellness Center. All rights reserved. Site developed and hosted by Rogue Web Works.
Professional Certified Coach by International Coach Federation