Skip to main content

Maria Connolly, LPC Facebook Facebook Facebook

Category: Life Skills

Learn how to focus on the soft skills, the people skills like good communication, effective leadership, positive motivation, and managing your emotions.

The Price of Success – What Is It? Are You Willing to Pay It?

Written by Maria Connolly. Posted in Change Your Life.

If you think it takes a lot of time and pushing your skill set as much as you can to pay the price of success, that’s partly true, yet there’s more to it… “He who would accomplish little must sacrifice little; he who would achieve much must sacrifice much; he who would attain highly must sacrifice greatly.” ~  James Allen

We don’t often think about this, but if you make a choice, you also make a sacrifice consciously or unconsciously.

For example: You give up work time to read a book. You invest in your education rather than taking a vacation. You may even purchase shoes instead of food. In each case you sacrifice something to get something you value more.

Each sacrifice, each choice brings you closer to, or takes you further away from, the amazing lifestyle you desire. To get it, you must pay the price of success.

What will excellence cost you? Focused action, hard choices and consistent follow through. You have to become what some might view as “obsessed’ with getting results.

How do you pay the price of success? It could be money. It could be physical effort. It might even be your health if you’re not careful. But your greatest asset is your TIME. Once you spend a second of it, you can’t get it back. It’s in limited supply, so spend it wisely.

However, success isn’t solely guaranteed by how much time you put into an endeavor. Perhaps you’ve heard that “ten thousand hours is the magic number of greatness.” Malcolm Gladwell posed this rule in his book, “Outliers.” It gives you the impression that you have to put in a vast amount of time and deliberate practice to achieve excellence. (Deliberate practice means pushing your skill set as much as you can.)

But I don’t think that time and deliberate practice are the entire equation for success.

Excellence doesn’t just take time and practice. Your heart, soul and mind must be involved as you find and fulfill your purpose in life. If you aren’t good at an endeavor or you’re doing it just because someone else expects it, no amount of time and practice is going to make you great at it.

When you’re firmly convinced of your purpose, you’re more than willing to make sacrifices to fulfill it, because it fills you with joy and brings out the best in you. Some women have achieved excellence by being wonderful wives and mothers. While the world in general doesn’t give them the recognition they deserve, I think they’re awesome! Others achieve excellence in their chosen profession. That’s awesome too!

Personally, I’ve found my purpose by being the best daughter, wife, friend and coach that I can be. I love assisting women to achieve their purpose whatever that might be. Will this be enough for my lifetime? Time will tell. We all have the freedom to rewrite our lives any time we want.

One thing I do know is that you don’t get anywhere without some level of sacrifice.

On the other hand, be careful about the price you’re willing to pay for success. You don’t ever want to trade your reputation, ethics or integrity for a quick gain. It’s not worth it.

Giving up on your dreams is not a good option either. It exacts a high price in regrets and unhappiness. Don’t quit because you can’t figure out what to do next. If you want it enough, you’ll find a way.

Granted, it is human nature to default to what we’re used to, what’s in our comfort zone. However, growth depends on discomfort. Creativity isn’t sparked in a circle of comfort. It’s sparked by challenge, by needing to think outside the box, by deadlines, by stress, by what’s called, “Optimal Anxiety”. To achieve greatness, you have to push yourself.

Yes, we live in a world that loves instant gratification. But there are no shortcuts to excellence. It’s so satisfying to take your time and do it right. It will cost you, but it’s worth it.

Would you like to ensure you’re spending your time and energy on the right thing for you, right now? Then please feel free to contact me and schedule an “Unlocking Your Potential” 30-minute complimentary consultation (in-person, by phone or via Skype). It pays to explore new ideas and paths that can help you get closer to what makes YOU feel like a success.

Become Indispensable – 8 Steps to Fearlessly Tackling Any Project

Written by Maria Connolly. Posted in Embodied Leadership, Life Skills.

If you want to become indispensable at work or in any relationship, develop a can-do self-starting attitude that moves you to execute your goals effectively“If you want something done, ask a busy person.” ~ Benjamin Franklin

Isn’t it true that the world is full of people with good intentions? Yet the ones who accept a task and execute it promptly are rare. In that way, they become indispensable at work or in any relationship because you can count on them to follow through and not let you down.

Is that the kind of person you’d like to be known as?

First, it’s important to determine what’s getting in the way of executing your goals. Do you procrastinate or get distracted? Too often our minds are so full of “stuff” we lose focus. Or maybe you don’t know something, so you get stuck on the “how” and stall out.

Perhaps your past is getting in the way? Maybe you’ve been discouraged by a lifetime of others putting you down. On the other hand, overindulgent parents might have spoiled you, making you think the world owes you a favor. Just remember, those behaviors are their choices, not yours.

You have a choice to make: blame others or build a fire in your soul for developing the attitudes and habits that make you indispensable. How?

It all starts with developing the character to view everything you do as worthwhile. No matter what the job is, do it cheerfully. Appreciate the opportunity to see your strengths and make note of them.

When you work at excelling at everyday tasks, extraordinary opportunities will come your way. When you use each assignment to hone your natural talents, you can turn them into a discipline that you master. This may well become your “calling” in life, if it brings you great joy and it serves the needs of others.

The secret to becoming indispensable is to take action without hesitating. Practice the following steps until they become a deeply imbedded system in your life:

  1. Accept the assignment and get started. Don’t wait for all of the answers. As you proceed, you’ll often find better solutions than if you had mapped it all out at the beginning.

 

  1. Ask for clarification. Asking a question isn’t a sign of weakness. Work out what you can and then ask the right questions to fill in the blanks.

 

  1. Outline a plan of action. Keep in mind your ultimate objective; strategies for achieving it; breaking it down into manageable bits; making a step-by-step checklist; and measuring your progress.

 

  1. Don’t be afraid to expend some resources and ask for help. Worthwhile objectives usually cost money, time, and help from others. If it’s worth doing, do it right.

 

  1. Measure your progress. When you get stuck, show what you’ve done so far and ask for feedback. If you’re off course, this will put you back on track. Even if you don’t answer to anyone, review your progress and see if you’re still on course.

 

  1. Set reasonable expectations and always exceed them. If you want to be trusted with vital tasks, develop a reputation for getting the job done better, sooner and at a lower cost than expected.

 

  1. Accept mistakes as the cost of learning. Perfection is unrealistic. Mistakes are simply information not judgments on your character. Reflect on what they teach you.

 

  1. Be proud of your work. Remember your wins. Find the harmony between action and fear. Courage isn’t the absence of fear but rather the ability to act despite it.

You will become indispensable when you’ve integrated these action-oriented habits and attitudes into your life. If you’re ready to accelerate your rise to excellence so you become indispensable, respected and trusted, please feel free to contact me and schedule an “Unlocking Your Potential” 30-minute complimentary consultation (in-person, by phone or via Skype). I’d love to partner with you on this journey.

Change Your Story… Change Your Life

Written by Maria Connolly. Posted in Change Your Life.

Everyone tells themselves stories, mostly self limiting ones like, “I’m too old, I can’t, I don’t deserve it”, yet you can change your story change your life“You can do anything you set your mind to!” Did you ever hear these encouraging words from a parent or teacher as you were growing up? Did you believe it then? Do you still believe it? Or somewhere along the way did you quit believing because you started telling yourself self-limiting stories?

Too many times we’ve replaced the encouraging voice in our heads with ones that tear us down and keep us little. They come from our own fears and insecurities or we’ve actually heard them from other people who abusively denigrate and belittle. We’ve heard it so often that we begin to believe it ourselves.

The self-limiting stories we tell ourselves are usually focused on generalizations, negativity and comparisons with others. You can recognize them, because they often start with statement like these…

“If only I was … I could …!”

“I’m not good at…”

“I can’t…”

“I’ve never been …”

“Who do you think you are…”

“You’re too…”

“He gets … because he’s gifted. He doesn’t know what my life is like.”

Just because something doesn’t come easily to you or you’re inexperienced, doesn’t mean you can’t do it well. Perhaps you’re not the most talented speaker today. Your story doesn’t have to be that you’re not a gifted speaker. Your story can be that you want to be a talented speaker and you’re willing to do a lot of hard work and preparation in order to influence people with your message. And that’s a new story you can create for yourself.

This shift begins when you become aware of the self-limiting talk running through your mind. Think of that commentary like a Narrator – the voice in the background that is giving substance to the story. Most people are oblivious to it. But with greater mindfulness you can stop yourself from automatically saying, “No, I can’t”, and just listen to the objections in your mind. Without judgment, write them down in your journal.

Ask yourself if it’s true. You may think, “I’m so stupid!” But you’re not. You many have made a mistake, but that doesn’t define who you are as a person. Evaluate it. You’ll see that the Narrator is only offering one perspective, based on previous experiences. You don’t have to accept what the Narrator is telling you, especially if it’s disempowering. See all the good things you have accomplished.

Affirm what you know is true. Maybe you don’t know how to do something. But you have the ability to learn. We’re all a work in progress, adding layers and layers of experience to our core values. And that experience is valuable. Set your intentions for how you want to live each day. Stay in touch with your values and you’ll stay aligned with your purpose.

Tweak your story. You don’t have to totally reinvent yourself. Take the parts that don’t serve you any longer and overwrite them with choices that create the best possible story. Daily reflect on how your choices fit into your greatest purpose.

It takes mindful effort to process through the stories you tell yourself. But you can change your story and you can change your life. I would love to partner with you as you go through the process. Please feel free to schedule an “Unlocking Your Potential” 30-minute complimentary consultation so we can explore your options. I’m happy to meet in-person, by phone or via Skype.

Supercharge Your Efforts and Accelerate Your Personal Growth – Do Your Coaching Homework!

Written by Maria Connolly. Posted in Change Your Life.

Ramp up your personal growth by diligently doing the homework your life coach gives you, for real transformation comes from daily baby steps not huge leaps.When you were in school, did you enjoy homework? I remember the collective groan that used to echo throughout the classroom. Yet, it really is an effective way for students to grow personally and academically.

As I reflect on those years, I’m grateful now. Not only did homework help me remember the lesson, it accelerated my personal growth for it taught me to 1) be disciplined, 2) make priorities, and 3) learn how to learn. Today, I regularly use homework in my coaching practice and I’ve seen that my clients who follow-up and do it dramatically accelerate their personal growth.

Not convinced? Check out these seven reasons for doing your coaching homework and see if they don’t rev up your personal growth…

  1. Remain focused.

We all know the benefits of putting notes where we see them constantly. In that way, we won’t forget the task or goals we need to accomplish. It keeps us from being distracted. Coaching homework gives us something to focus on in between sessions. Working on your personal growth every day is key to becoming the person you desire to be.

  1. Reflect deeply.

When you delve deeper into a topic you covered in session, you often need quiet and solitude to mindfully reflect on it. When your coach gives you homework, think of it as a map to your personal growth as it helps you explore the pattern of your actions, thoughts and feelings.

  1. Retain through repetition.

Our brains benefit from repetitive patterns. Your personal growth depends on remembering new things. Routines, checklists, and templates save you time and ensure you retain what you’re learning.

  1. Reasonable expectations.

You can’t expect overnight transformation. It takes daily baby steps, rather than giant leaps once a week. Coaching homework makes big challenges seem not so intimidating. It lets you know that you’re not the only one with this issue and it reassures you that there’s a process that works.

  1. Recognize results.

It’s important to track your progress – even the tiniest of wins. When you start getting discouraged, you need to be able to look back and see how far you’ve come. An important part of coaching homework is recording your feelings about each step forward and owning your triumphs.

  1. Reframe to fit.

While many of us struggle with similar issues, you have a unique learning style and speed. Coaching homework let’s you mull over the information and make it your own as you reframe it to fit your personal growth needs.

  1. Revisit and expand.

The first time you go through an exercise, you’ll apply it for those circumstances. As your experience widens and your abilities grow, you’ll be able to revisit an exercise with a fresh perspective and gain more from it on a deeper level.

Are you ready to ramp up your personal growth? Do you have something specific you want to work on, but you’re not sure where you should start? I would love to partner with you and share proven personal growth techniques that get results. Please feel free to schedule an “Unlocking Your Potential” 30-minute complimentary consultation so we can explore your options. I’m happy to meet in-person, by phone or via Skype.

Satisfying Intimacy in a Committed Relationship Is Possible with a Mind, Body & Spirit Connection

Written by Maria Connolly. Posted in Life Skills.

Many people fear intimacy in marriage, yet to have a meaningful sex life, you need to be mentally, spiritually and physically intimate with your partner. As a somatic coach, I’ve seen how being in tune with your mind, body and spirit in every aspect of life is key to feeling fulfilled. This is true when it comes to your sex life as well. Intimacy in marriage, or in your committed partnership, only happens when you’re able to connect with your partner on deeply satisfying mental, physical and spiritual levels.

But perhaps more than any other area of life it’s easy to put up with a ho-hum, status quo sex life, especially if you’ve been together a long time. And if you’re a woman it can be difficult to know what to do about this, since we’ve been culturally taught over millennia to take a more passive approach to our sexuality.

Let’s explore the different aspects of a healthy sex life and then see what you can do to increase the intimacy with your partner, which will spice up your sex life, without feeling guilty!

Mental Intimacy

Sex begins in your brain. The brain is involved in all aspects of sexual behavior including desire, arousal and orgasm. Researches are using neuroimaging to study human sexual behavior. Not surprisingly they found that women are sexually more complex creatures. However, they also found many similarities between the sexually aroused brain of men and women. Click here to read more on this brain study.

In the beginning of a sexual relationship when romance is at it’s highest it’s easy to fantasize the ideal sexual encounter. In a committed relationship it takes more effort. You can get your brain in gear by looking for the positive in your partner – whether s/he is particularly kind or s/he has the sexiest smile. Another strategy is to be adventurous and try something new.  Our brains release sexual hormones when we try a new activity so plan a special surprise for your partner and your own desire will ignite.

Physical Intimacy

This aspect of sexuality may seem obvious but sometimes we forget how much can be communicated through touch. Women often need to feel intimate through conversation, and while that is valid and deserves a place in a relationship, don’t forget what you can communicate through your body.

Look for opportunities to touch your partner throughout the day, not just in sexual interludes. Touch them as you pass by in the hall, give them a hug, rub their hair after a long day… It’s amazing the amount of reassurance touch can give a relationship. And in the bedroom you may want to occasionally practice absolute silence to force you to transmit all your feelings through touch.

Spiritual Intimacy

It’s important to acknowledge that your sex life is a foundational aspect of your relationship. If it weren’t, you’d simply be friends, not partners. Your spirit is what leads to eroticism or sex imbued with meaning, romance and desire. 

Start to view sex as sacred. You might already set aside time to meditate, pray or attend religious services so don’t be afraid to set aside “sacred” time to devote to your sex life. It’s easy to think that there’s always tomorrow night, but if you view your sex life as a sacred commitment, you’ll look forward to it and you’ll give it the 100% attention it deserves.

When you get your mind, body and spirit involved, sex can be a fun, satisfying and important way to keep a relationship vital.

Unfortunately, many people are afraid of intimacy on some levels, so their relationships get hung up on sexual challenges. Which is why Nando Raynolds and I have decided to co-facilitate, “Love, Sex & Intimacy: Getting Your Heart’s Desire,” a forum for men and women to come together. Join us to exchange some frank talk about sex and deepen your skills, compassion and understanding. We’ll be meeting online Thursday, February 16th, 2017, 6:30-8:00pm and in-person Saturday, February 18th, 2017, 10am-1pm & 2-5pm. Please contact me to register to attend.

Let's get started with 30 free minutes

I invite you to learn more about me and my coaching and counseling services. Please contact me to schedule an “It starts with you!” 30-minute complimentary consultation with me, in-person, by phone or via video consultation, so we can explore our partnership.

SCHEDULE

How to Step Forward to a Future You've Created

Discover how to replace your old, self-limiting map with a new map full of possibilities for the future

DOWNLOAD YOUR FREE INTRO TO STEPPING FORWARD TODAY!