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Category: Change Your Life

Unlearn the Lessons of a Toxic Childhood — You Deserve to be Loved!

A toxic childhood teaches you many unhealthful and unhelpful lessons; and it fails to teach you the most valuable lesson — that you’re worthy of love. “An unpredictable parent is a fearsome god in the eyes of a child.” ~ Susan Forward, Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life

Do you think that love always comes with strings attached? That if someone is a winner then you’re a loser? That you need to placate everyone? That being neglected or abused verbally or physically is normal and you make excuses for it? That emotions make you vulnerable and weak? That it’s better to feel nothing? That you’re on your own?

Then it’s highly likely you’ve learned “lessons” from a toxic childhood that are neither healthful nor accurate. You didn’t deserve it. You didn’t deserve the neglect and abuse you suffered in your toxic childhood. You didn’t deserve to be ignored for days on end. You didn’t deserve the belittling and constant criticism. You were not to blame.

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Is It Time to Reset Your Life? 5 Easy Steps to Take Advantage of Our Unusual Times

Do you long to reset your life — remove the stale and bring in the fresh and inspiring? This doesn’t require huge pivots; it takes one baby step at a time.“Times and conditions change so rapidly that we must keep our aim constantly focused on the future.” ~ Walt Disney

“Slow down and rest. You need renewal.” I tell my clients this all the time, because the frantic pace they think will get them to the desired results, ends up being unsustainable. Intense work, with no time to recharge, is a sure recipe for emotional, physical and spiritual exhaustion. Yet my clients find it really hard to slow down. They believe, “If I decrease my speed, even a little bit, everything will collapse,” or “I have too many things I have to do, and I can’t let up.” Do you feel the same way? Is it hard to find time to do a daily reboot? Then perhaps it’s time to reset your life!

One of the hidden blessings of coronavirus has been the forced stop. Most of my clients have switched to working from home, and learning or updating their technology to do so. And in most cases, after the initial dismay and confusion, they’re appreciating the new pace, the new time for family. They’ve started remembering what’s really important.

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Your Best Year Yet? How Can It Be, When Others Are Suffering?

Could you still make 2020 your best year yet? It’s possible! Even if you feel stuck, unmotivated or too guilty to strive for a better life, consider this...“Start by doing what’s necessary; then do what’s possible; and suddenly you are doing the impossible.” ~ Francis of Assisi

We all started this year with a lot of optimism for the months to come. We were feeling inspired to make changes and improve some things. You were DETERMINED to have your BEST YEAR yet! Even if you knew that after a few months your drive was going to diminish, you had a backup plan for getting going again. And then things got ugly…

No one was prepared for the kind of changes 2020 has been bringing us…so much loss, so much pain. If you’re someone who is suffering, I grieve with you. And I want to encourage you to hold on and hope for better things, because they will come.

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Change Your Thinking: 30 Ways to Make the World a Better Place

As you change your thinking, your life will change and the quality of our world will be improved because each of us will model the behavior we want to see.“I wanted to change the world. But I have found that the only thing one can be sure of changing is oneself.” ~ Aldous Huxley

The recent tragedy and the resulting protests across the world have made all of us think about how we can be a force for good in the world, not passively turning a blind eye or actively adding to the sorrows. I believe the solution lies in this: if you want to change the world, change your thinking.

Wouldn’t you agree that the quality of your life depends on YOUR attitude — the way you think about your life? It’s not dependent on your circumstances, who you’re with, or what you have. People can have it all and still be miserable. People can have so little and be joyful.

The quality of our world will be improved by each of us modeling the behavior we want to see. What qualities do you want to experience more fully?

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Become The Observer of Your Life, Then Lasting Change Will Follow

Like an artist, you can become The Observer in your life, to mindfully acknowledge each “brush stroke” as it transforms your “canvas”, your life.

“The best way to capture moments is to pay attention. This is how we cultivate mindfulness.” ~ Jon Kabat-Zinn

How observant are you? If I asked you to identify the colors in a picture of a forest, no doubt you would say green, brown, and maybe some yellow. But an artist closely inspects each area for color or hue; she also sees the variances of shade (black added to the hue), tone (gray added to the hue) and tint (white added to the hue). Not only that, she detects the differences in intensity and value. Before the painting is done, the artist will have mixed hundreds of different combinations of paint, each one intentionally performing a specific function on the canvas.

Likewise, I encourage you to become The Observer of your own life and mindfully acknowledge each “brush stroke” that is transforming your “canvas”, your life. You get to choose. Or as I often share with my clients a quote from Pema Chödrön, “You are the sky. Everything else is just the weather.” Conditions and circumstances, like the weather, come and go. You get to decide what stays permanently.

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