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Tag: Happiness

Happiness is a mental or emotional state of well-being defined by positive emotions ranging from contentment to intense joy as you achieve balance in your mind/body/spirit connection.

Don’t Let Fear Stop You from Fully Enjoying a Rich and Satisfying Life

Don’t let fear stop you from fully enjoying the rich life that you know you could have, so here are five ways to deal with fears so you reach your potentialDon’t you admire a fearless person – one who steps up and does the things you only wish you had the strength to do? Maybe it’s someone who speaks with ease in front of thousands, or happily travels to new places and fits in to every culture they encounter, or someone who reveals their deepest emotions without fear of rejection and has the most awesome relationships. Actually, if you talked with them, they’d tell you they have fears too. The difference is they’ve embraced the advice, “Don’t let fear stop you”. This is good news, because it means that you can too!

Granted, some fears protect you. Other fears are irrational. It’s your choice as to how you deal with your irrational fears. You can either let those fears box you in to a limiting life that immobilizes you from achieving your full potential. Or, ideally, you don’t let fear stop you because you’ve learned to non-judgmentally observe your emotions and face each fear. The second option allows you to view it as an opportunity to consciously choose to live more expansively.

Don’t let fear stop you from fully enjoying the life you want to live. Here are five ways to deal with fears so you can reach your potential for happiness

  1. Suspend self-criticism that you are “less than” and alone. Do you have one of these phobias: Ablutophobia (fear of washing or bathing), Bibliophobia (fear of books), Cacophobia (fear of ugliness), or Pteronophobia (fear of feathers)? From A to Z, there are literally hundreds of phobias that grip people today. You’re not alone. Don’t let yourself feel isolated or think you’re weird. You might even feel better knowing others deal with fears more severe than you.
  1. Fears can be overcome one small step at a time.As you take one small step toward conquering your fear, you can become more comfortable. What you thought would happen, doesn’t. As you ease into it, you’ll prove to yourself that your fears were groundless. For example, you learn that your heart isn’t going to stop if you speak in front of a crowd.
  1. Change your emotional focus and view it as an opportunity to grow. Look beyond your fear and see the improvements waiting for you – increased self-confidence, healthier personal relationships, happiness, even greater wealth and professional status. Shifting your focus away from the fearful feeling robs it of its power, because you’re no longer feeding it.
  1. Realize how much your imagination is involved. Neale Donald Walsch says that fear is an acronym for ‘False Evidence Appearing Real.’ This is closely connected to tip number 2. Your imagination magnifies your fear. You begin to rationalize your actions. You say, “I can’t do that because…” The excuse may sound reasonable on the surface. However, underneath it all the irrational fear has no basis in truth. Our imaginings may feel real, but they aren’t. Often our fears are based in our own insecurities. Those who excel learn that taking risks and stepping outside their comfort zone is a way of life that they become comfortable with.
  1. We learn through failure. Fear of failure seems to be the most common fear. Yet, failure isn’t something to be avoided. It gives us an opportunity to see our strengths and our weakness so we can mindfully focus on the area that needs improvement. Everyone fails. The difference is whether you pick yourself up, brush yourself off, and keep trying, because it’s the end results that matter in the long run. Failure is just part of the learning and growing process.

Learning to observe your emotions mindfully and adopting a positive state is a skill that will help you succeed in conquering your fears. I’m not saying it will be easy. I am encouraging you to not give up, because you have so much potential for experiencing a richer life. Don’t let fear stop you! I’d love to help you reach your potential for excellence, so please contact me and we can work together in person in Ashland, Oregon or if you live too far away we can work via Skype.

Feeling Trapped in Life? Master Your Inner Game to Free Yourself

If you’re feeling trapped in life, don’t give up, because you CAN free yourself by mastering your inner game, being focused and learning to trust yourself.“There is always an inner game being played in your mind no matter what outer game you are playing. How aware you are of this game can make the difference between success and failure in the outer game.” ~ Tim Gallwey

Do any of the following statements describe how you’re feeling right now?

  • I’m feeling stuck in a rut.
  • I feel trapped in my job.
  • I’m feeling trapped in a relationship.
  • No matter how hard I try nothing seems to go right.
  • I used to be really good at this, but now I just can’t make it work, so I end up trying too hard and second-guessing myself.
  • My fear of failure makes me default to “I can’t” before I even try.
  • I thought I was over that, but it keeps resurfacing again and again to gnaw at me.

The good news is…YOU don’t have to stay feeling trapped in life. You CAN free yourself from these negative mindsets and limiting beliefs. And while it does take some effort, it really isn’t that hard. Especially when you realize you already have the skills, you just need to make the connection between your two selves.

What do I mean by saying you need to connect your two selves in order to free yourself from feeling trapped in life?

Along my personal and professional journey, I discovered a book that helped me transform my inner environment to one that is more nurturing, supportive and all in all more conducive to learning and growing. It’s The Inner Game of Tennis: The Classic Guide to the Mental Side of Peak Performance. The core message of the book is that in tennis like anywhere else in life we usually play two games, an outer game with our opponent (self 1 – some people describe it as the body, which acts), and an inner game with ourselves (self 2 – some people describe it as the mind, which instructs).

We get into trouble when Self 2 (the mind) tries to tell Self 1 (the body) how to do something the latter already knows how to do. This disconnect spirals into second guessing yourself, trying too hard and feeling like a failure (In my opinion, the only failure is giving up. Nothing else is a failure. It’s simply a life lesson).

For example, when you learn to play tennis, your instructor tells you to “keep the eye on the ball” and your brain instinctively positions your arm and moderates your stroke speed to lob the ball back over the net. Later you forget this advice and start missing, so you think your form is off. To compensate, you swing harder or hold the racket differently, and it just makes it worse. Whereas, if you would go back to keeping your eye on the ball and let the brain do its thing, you’ll be better than ever.

We must quiet Self 1 (the body) and let Self 2 (the mind) do what it knows how to do. The best way to quiet the mind is not to tell it to shut up or force it or criticize it. What works best is learning to focus it. Focus means mindfully paying attention to only the aspects of a situation that are necessary to accomplish the task at hand. This requires that you become an observer of your own behavior.

There are four important steps to connecting your two selves:

Step 1: Observe in a non-judgmental way, simply seeing the situation as it is, rather than judging it to be good or bad. Being judgmental only leads to self-doubt and anxiety.

Step 2: Visualize your desired outcome.

Step 3: Trust yourself.

Step 4: Observe the outcome and results in a non-judgmental way. It’s neither right nor wrong. You did your best at this point and time, and that’s good enough.

Learn to be aware of your feelings and your body’s responses so you can overcome the self-doubt, nervousness, anxiety and lapses of concentration that keep you from performing at your best. Master athletes and business professionals know that they can’t win the outer game if they lose the inner one. They know the value of having someone coach them as they Master the Inner Game. If you’re ready to make the commitment to a richer experience in life, please contact me. I would love to partner with you as you learn to get out of your own way to let your best game emerge.

The Wheel of Life – Seven Steps to Creating a Truly Balanced Lifestyle

Introducing The Neways Wheel of Life – Find Your Balance

Find your balance because "happiness is not a matter of intensity but of balance, order, rhythm and harmnony." ~ Thomas Merton“It’s not enough to be busy; So are the ants. The question is: What are we busy about?” ~ Henry David Thoreau

Work-Life Balance…can it really exist? There are millions of people searching for the answer to work-life balance. Since the issue of balance usually arises when one feels that something important is missing in life, this indicates that way too many people are unhappy. And shouldn’t it really be called Life-Work Balance anyway? Life is more important isn’t it?

If you don’t mind, I’d like to ask you:

  1. How do you define balance in your life?
  2. What might it look like when your life is truly balanced?

Some people look at life-work balance as a three-legged stool that needs all three legs for balance – the legs represent their physical, mental and spiritual needs. Yet this seems to oversimplify it because within those three categories are so many areas of life. And for many people, balance involves feeling like they have TIME, but don’t we all have the same amount of time? So there’s something needed that’s much deeper than just having time.

No matter what your definition of balance is, achieving a feeling of harmonious peace and happiness is really a matter of both internal and external balance. 

If you’re internally balanced:

  • Your inner critic is in check and it operates more like a friendly coach.
  • You can methodically work on self-awareness – knowing yourself allows you to share the true you with others.
  • You have awareness of your values and always operating from them.
  • You check in periodically to make sure all inner parts are congruent and feel seen and listened to.
  • You have a balance between taking risks and stretching beyond comfort and pursuing what is quiet and familiar.

If you are externally balanced:

  • You will engage all areas of life (see The Wheel image below) that fit your lifestyle.
  • You surround yourself with social support.
  • You set boundaries.
  • You’re comfortable with saying, “NO”.

I’d like to share seven steps that you can take to achieve greater balance

  1. Define what balance is to you. Your definition will be uniquely yours.
  2. Identify your values by using percentages: 15% fun, 10% travel, 25% family…to see how much you require of each to be happy in an ideal world.
  3. Take care of basic needs: nutrition, water, sleep, exercise, vitamins and supplements.
  4. Regularly visit a supportive therapist, coach, or mentor.
  5. Make quality time for social contact.
  6. Block out “alone time” to be introspective, using mindfulness to get to know yourself more deeply – what your wants, needs, preferences, personality traits, and quirks are.
  7. Manage your energy not time! As the book, The Power of Full Engagement: Managing Energy, Not Time, Is the Key to High Performance and Personal Renewal, demonstrates, managing time is not the key. Instead, focusing on a balance of exertion and renewal helps youreach optimal performance.

Here is a tool for you to use in your quest for balance. It’s called The Neways Wheel of Life – Find Your Balance.

The Neways Wheel of Life Find Your Balance

Click here to get your downloadable, printable PDF copy of the Neways Wheel.

This Wheel of Life is designed to visually help you develop your own definition and vision of a balanced life. Each wedge represents critical aspects of life: Friends & Family, Healthy & Wellbeing, Love & Intimacy, Career, Personal Growth & Learning, Life Vision & Purpose – Spiritual Fulfillment, Fun & Leisure, and Physical Environment.

From 1 to 10 how would you rate your satisfaction in each area of the Wheel of Life? (Please print a copy of THE Wheel of Life and fill it in with where you are right now. Keep it handy and check your progress regularly.) You’ll find that your numbers will vary. And that’s a good thing. Obtaining a perfect 10 in all categories is not the goal. Balance is not static. It’s like riding a bicycle. You only remain balanced if you keep moving forward. Remember, it’s the journey that counts. We never truly get to the destination, because our definition and vision of balance changes as we change throughout the years!

No matter where you begin, all the sections of your life are interconnected, just like the wedges on the Wheel of Life. It’s simply a matter of what you want to focus on first. If you’re craving a more balanced lifestyle, it might be time to enlist the help of a life coach who can help you fully utilize your Wheel of Life. Contact me, because I would love to work with you!

15 Highly Organized Characteristics of a Leader to Create a Lifestyle You Love

Find 15 characteristics highly organized leaders cultivate in support of a busy lifestyle and learn 7 reasons why you’ll want to use them in your life too “Good order is the foundation of all things.” ~ Edmund Burke

People who focus on excellence, like leaders and business coaches, know that their best performance starts with becoming highly organized and that “Clutter is a state of mind.” A cluttered space begets a muddled mind and vice-versa.

I have a confession: I’m unusually organized. Not only do I make my bed every morning, I also find a way to tidy up and declutter as I go. I partly inherited this from my mother. I suspect her neatness was a way to cope with stress and anxiety. I’m so glad this gave me a model for creating a simpler, clutter-free environment.

Being highly organized is not only a way to create pleasant spaces but also a strategy for doing anything in life. It means being clear about what you want, being able to prioritize, setting outcomes and the respective steps to make your way to the goal.

We can’t run around stressed all the time with a million things on our mind and expect to perform at our best. So…how are you going to change your lifestyle to one that’s more organized?

Take a look at the following highly organized characteristics that leaders cultivate. (You can do the same with daily, mindful attention.)

1. Be undistracted by uncluttering your mind. Learn to work through the daily stress in a way that let’s you forget it and move on. For some, the best method is a vigorous workout. Others like yoga, walking, or talking with a friend or professional. Personally, I love Crossfit, Archery, and Aikido.

2. Be proactive. If a task takes fewer than five minutes, do it! Pick it up, wipe it down, put it away. That way work doesn’t frustratingly pile up.

3. Be goal oriented. Create an environment that makes it easy to achieve your goals. It’s easier to let things go when they’re not attached to your goals.

4. Be optimistic. The can-do attitude keeps you on track. Focus on filling your mind with the positive things you can do, even if they seem small.

5. Be decisive. Wishy-washy gets you nowhere. Consider your options, pick the best one and work it to the best of your ability without looking back.

6. Be imperfect. Don’t become immobilized in the minutia of the details. It’s never going to be perfect, so determine when it’s good enough and move on.

7. Be list, calendar, and container oriented. Make a place for everything, and put everything in its place. This applies to physical items and routinely scheduled events. You’ll know where it is when you need it and you’ll know if you have a slot open in your schedule for invitations and requests. Capturing your ideas in a detailed list of tasks frees up your mental energy. Referring to your list and calendar often keeps you on-task. This helps you foresee any potential conflicts that might interfere with your goals.

8. Be able to say, “No.” When you know exactly what you want, it’s easier to turn down invitations and requests that don’t fit into your goals.

9. Be prepared. Know how much time you have to complete a project and leave enough time, including a cushion for unexpected occurrences, to do it.

10. Be focused. Avoid multi-tasking. It’s better to protect your time by shutting out distractions and focusing on doing one task at a time.

11. Be aware of your strengths and play to them. Define how you want to live your life such as how you want your home to look, how you want to dress, how you spend your time. This makes it easier to set goals and accomplish them. Do your most taxing work when you’re alert and energized.

12. Be willing to ask for help. Trying do it all yourself only causes more stress. Respect your most valued resource – time – and use it wisely.

13. Be content. Just because you see something beautiful you don’t need to possess it. Just because it’s on sale, it’s not a good deal if you don’t really need it.

14. Be in love with what you own and do. Everything need to be cared for and maintained whether these are relationships, skills, or possessions. Streamline your focus to the place where you can thrive.

15. Be choosy. Don’t attach sentimental value to everything you own. For example, just because you inherit your parents’ furniture, it’s okay to pass it on to someone else if it doesn’t fit your lifestyle.

What I love about being highly organized is that it:

      1. Saves time in the long run,
      2. Lessens your stress because you’re not “playing catch-up”,
      3. Makes you feel better about yourself,
      4. Prepares you for everything,
      5. Empowers you to say NO to excess and say YES to what you really want,
      6. Energizes you as you stop procrastinating, and
      7. Shifts your focus from quantity to quality.

Being organized is about striving for optimal effectiveness and maximum efficiency in any task. It is about feeling more in control, about the thrill of setting things up for success. Wouldn’t you love the freedom to be exactly who you’re meant to be as you enjoy each moment of life? Becoming organized can get you there! Contact me and let’s work together on ways that empower you to make lasting change. I’m looking forward to hearing from you!

Remain Relaxed Even Under Pressure with these NLP Anchoring Techniques

Remain Relaxed Even Under Pressure with these NLP Anchoring TechniquesStressed out. Strung out. Uptight. On edge. Tense. Nervous. People have such a hard time achieving a deeply relaxed state of mind. Any little thing can set them off, send them over the edge. This is taking a terrible toll on the emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual health of us and our loved ones.

Earlier, I shared a number of ways to achieve deep relaxation through Progressive Muscle Relaxation and simply making time for things you enjoy. (Yes, that’s me in the picture. I love archery!) As mentioned, to get the most benefit, focus on relaxation via the body, via the mind, and via the soul.

What do I mean by Deep Relaxation via the Soul?

A lot of people say that they can’t relax because their lives are chaotic and messy. It’s important to practice your ability to relax fully no matter the circumstances or the conditions around you. Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) teaches us that we can choose any psychological state at will. This means that you can experience bliss, joy, gratitude, or love no matter what is happening in your life. And one of the NLP techniques that helps you do this is called “anchoring”.

In NLP, “anchoring” refers to the process of associating an internal response with some external or internal trigger so that the response may be quickly and subtly accessed.

NLP anchoring techniques are based on science. Russian scientist, Ivan Pavlov, famously demonstrated how conditioning works. He rang a bell every time dogs were fed. Soon the dogs psychologically associated the smell and taste of food with the sound of the bell. So even if the food was not present, the dogs would salivate at the sound. The bell (an external trigger) caused a real physiological response (salivation) even though the smell and taste were absent.

NLP anchoring techniques similarly cause you to psychologically associate a signal or trigger (tapping your chest, snapping a rubber band, squeezing your fingers) with a physiological response (an emotion, mood, or mental state) of your choice. When you experience a negative emotion, you can trigger a positive emotion and extinguish the negative one. This thereby allows you to choose your mood or state of mind no matter what the circumstances are.

Here are 7 Easy Steps to Anchoring a Resourceful State of Mind:

  • Decide on the state you want to anchor. For example being calm and relaxed.
  • Recall a memory or imagine a situation where you can experience the state. Make it very detailed and vivid, using all your senses.
  • When the experience is vivid and you’re in the desired state, connect it with a part of your body. For example, put your hand on your heart when the state is at its peak!
  • Now, break state by removing your hand and doing something else. Open your eyes, count down from 10 to break state and distract yourself.
  • Apply the anchor by just placing your hand on your heart and check that the required state, such as calmness or peace, occurs again.
  • You may need to repeat the anchoring process a number of times to make the experience sufficiently intense.
  • Use your new anchor in the situation where you want to experience the desired state. For example, when you’re feeling stressed during your next business meeting, place your hand on your heart and make sure it creates a sufficiently robust resourced state of calmness.

NLP anchoring techniques are really a method of deep relaxation that is best learned under the guidance of a trained professional. If you’d like to add this excellent tool to your life skills, please contact me and I’d be happy to help you finally achieve the peace you crave.


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