Tag: mastery

Mastery is the ability to focus deeply on a compelling area of personal development and having the courage to pursue that course until you make it an intrinsic part of who you are.

Building Momentum to Achieve Excellence In All You Do

Written by Maria Connolly. Posted in Life Skills.

“Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.” ~ Dale Carnegie

I want to do it, but… I’ll do it when… I’ll get around to it if…

It’s easy to master the art of procrastination, isn’t it? We put it off. We postpone. We ignore it. We hope it will resolve itself. We just don’t get started. And this inactivity leaves us feeling stagnant and in a rut. It feels like we’re always struggling in an uphill battle.

Never rising to a challenge or finishing a task undermines self-esteem. There’s no sense of adventure. No feeling of accomplish. No satisfaction, self-confidence, or ambition. There are only excuses so we don’t have to leave our comfort zone. That’s not the kind of life I want to live. What about you?

I want to feel alive, to try new things and experience each moment fully. I want to derive joy and satisfaction from what I do and who I am in all my relationships. If that’s how you feel too, then building momentum and harnessing its power is essential.

Momentum is an interesting phenomenon. Once you get the ball rolling and you build some momentum, it becomes self-perpetuating. It just keeps rolling under its own steam. Remember how it feels to ride a bicycle. The first few pumps on the pedals give your leg muscles a workout, but as you pick up speed, that bicycle takes you a long way while you coast along for the ride.

The longer you wait to take action, the more you procrastinate, the harder it is to get started and build some momentum. Circumstances will never be perfect. If you’re waiting until they are, you’ll be waiting forever. It’s not going to be any easier tomorrow. In fact, delaying makes it worse, because the resistance in your mind gets stronger. We convince ourselves that what we want is too difficult and we talk ourselves out of trying.

Taking consistent action is vital to building momentum. If you consciously and consistently take action every day, you’ll see that it takes less effort on your part. You’ll begin to enjoy your activities and you’ll feel empowered and confident. How do you do it?

Building momentum in three easy steps:

1) Make a commitment to yourself because the action is important to your happiness. Keeping the rewards of your goal in mind will fuel you to keep taking consistent action. If it’s not that important to you, just let it go and focus on something that really matters. Once you make that commitment, the majority of your attention should go toward moving forward. That’s how you build momentum!

2) Take the first baby step. What’s the one thing you can do right now to get started? Get up and do it! (Please wait until after you finish this article, of course.) Even tiny actions will eventually build momentum and produce results, as long as you’re consistent.

3) It’s the journey, not the destination that’s important. More often than not, you will learn more about yourself and grow as an individual if you focus on the process of how you get to your goal. Many people abandon their goals because they don’t see the big vision results they expected fast enough. Slow down and enjoy the process. Don’t get so obsessed with results that you discourage yourself. In other words, focus on the baby successes, the changes you make, and the knowledge you acquire as you move forward.

What do you want to accomplish? I encourage you to begin today with one baby step that moves you toward that goal. This daily success will fuel your momentum to continue tomorrow. And do you know what builds momentum even faster? Getting someone to help you, instead of trying to do it all alone. I would love to assist you. I’m hosting a new workshop, The Power of Embodied Presence – Empowering Women Through Somatic Education and the Art of Relationship, on July 16, 2016. Click here to learn more.

Overcoming Fear of Failure – One of the Most Valuable Lessons Learned in Life

Written by Maria Connolly. Posted in Fearless Mindset, Mindfulness.

“Failure is the foundation of success and the means by which it is achieved.” ~ Lao Tzu

One of the most common fears people have is fear of failure. Some even have a phobia about it called Atychiphobia. How do you feel about failure? Has it stopped you from trying to do something, even though you wanted to? Or do you view failure as a steppingstone to achieving better things? What value do you place on failure? Do you view it as a negative that’s taking away from your life or a positive that’s giving you a valuable gift? Just imagine how overcoming fear of failure will improve your quality of life.

The way you feel about and manage failure will profoundly influence your ability to achieve excellence. There are three key points to creating a positive view of failure:

Redefine Failure. Failure is really a great teacher if you don’t let perfectionism get in the way. Perfectionism causes you to beats yourself up emotionally. Shame based emotions like these lower self-esteem and makes you want to give up.

Have realistic expectations. Build your self-esteem by only demanding of yourself what you can realistically do. Don’t set yourself up for toxic emotions such as guilt or shame. They only make you feel less than deserving of success.

Heal your thought patterns. Creative visualization and mental rehearsal will transform failure into opportunity and hope – the faith that things can be better. Stimulating hope is vital for being resilient and able to move through life gracefully.

Instant gratification is an enemy to success. Realistically, it takes anyone thousands of hours of work and education to achieve excellence and mastery. It takes time to hone your skills. The truth is there’s always going to be someone better or worse than you are. The only person you should be comparing yourself to is yourself, not anyone else. The real question is, “How can you become a better version of YOU?”

Neuroscience shows that we all cycle through four stages between our thoughts and actions…

Thoughts are the triggers and catalysts.
They, in turn, elicit your emotions.
Emotions cause a chemical reaction in the brain.
These neurotransmitters and hormones produce a physiological response in your body that affects the quality of your performance, either beneficially or detrimentally.

This is where the power of visualization helps in overcoming the fear of failure. Remember – your brain can’t differentiate between what you visually imagine and what is really happening. Here’s a simple two-part visualization exercise to help you retrain your thoughts – the foundation of your actions – to be more positive…

The first part of the meditation exercise for overcoming the fear of failure.

First thing in the morning, sit quietly with your eyes closed so you can fully concentrate. Take three deep breathes. Think of something or someone that makes you feel heartfelt appreciation. Focus on this for a moment.
Next shift your thoughts to happy thoughts or prayers for someone else.

Now turn your focus back to the day ahead of you.
Identify the top three priorities for you today and their positive outcomes.
Visualize the ideal result you hope to achieve.
Open your eyes and proceed with your day.

The second part of the meditation exercise for overcoming the fear of failure.

At the end of the day take a few deep breaths.
Reflect on what happened during the day.
Acknowledge and feel good about the successes and fun you had. Express gratitude to the Universe or a higher power.
Now honestly acknowledge any setbacks. Take responsibility for it, but don’t wallow in it. Appreciate that you’re one step closer to realizing your goal. Express gratitude for this feedback and learn from it.
Tell yourself out loud, “I give myself permission not to be perfect.”
In your imagination, go back in time, and make believe you’re doing it over. Reframe it and change the scene as you imagine handling the situation better.

You can’t control everything that happens in life. But you can control how you think about it, how you interpret it, and the value you place on it. This exercise is a powerful tool that helps you do that more effectively. I would love to partner with you in your quest for excellence. Contact me and we can talk about what’s the next best step for you to take. And be sure to download your free copy of The 7-Point Wellness Assessment – Create Change Through Awareness.

Embodied Learning – A Lifelong Practice that Leads to Excellence and Mastery

Written by Maria Connolly. Posted in Embodied Leadership, Emotional Intelligence.

“By my actions teach my mind.” ~ William Shakespeare

Learning doesn’t stop when you finish your schooling. As the world has become more connected we are required to continually learn new skills and adapt to change. This takes great flexibility in our thinking. Yet this raises an important question: Is thinking enough to achieve mastery and excellence? No, and here’s why…

Do you really know ‘how to learn’?

Perhaps your style of learning has been to memorize facts intellectually until you take a test or do a task, and then you quickly forget it. Or perhaps you “know” a topic but never put it into practice, let alone master it.

Honestly, would you book Carnegie Hall for your daughter’s piano recital if she had only looked at a music book? No, a master pianist has years of practice to train the mind (to gain the skill), the body (to gain the dexterity) and the spirit (to gain the confidence) to cooperate together harmoniously. Mastery, through embodied learning, requires all three – the mind, the body, and the spirit.

Learning with the Mind. The educational system traditionally teaches the mind. As a result, many people stay stuck because they theoretically know what they should do, but they feel overwhelmed or are distracted by the next “bright, shiny object” that comes along. There’s too much information for any of us to process. We’re moving at a speed that demands immediate action.

In order to master a skill, it’s vital to stay connected as you embody your higher purpose and remain focused on what’s important. This requires…

Learning with the Spirit. Over time we establish a characteristic mood. People can see us as cheery or brooding, positive or negative, and helpful or closed-minded to give a few examples. People will either be repelled or attracted by our mood.

Emotions, on the other hand, come and go as situations change. However, if you’re not skilled in resolving your emotions they take on a life of their own and become a mood. For example, if you don’t effectively deal with your sadness and loss, it may become a mood of depression.

Your emotions and moods shape the way you learn. If you’re negative, and self-defeating, your learning and productivity will suffer, regardless of how skilled you are. On the other hand, if you’re open and curious you’ll be receptive to learning and increase your creative and innovative skills.

Learning with the Body. To manage your own emotions (not repressing them or becoming victims of them) you must approach them from a somatic perspective. How you organize your body produces certain moods and emotions, both positive and negative.

The body never lies. You may say you’re ready for a presentation to a room full of clients, because you know your material inside and out. But when you stand in front of them and you stammer and stutter and forget key points, your body is telling the truth – that you aren’t ready emotionally.

Embodied learning means there’s a congruency between your intellectual thoughts, emotional state and your body organization. And you only achieve this harmony through practice. For example, when you learn to model confidence behavior, you’ll feel confident. And as you repeatedly practice it, you will become confident. You will have learned this new skill so well you embody it in all you do. It will come to you easily. As you perform these actions in a graceful manner, people will see you as a master of your craft.

Are you seeing areas in your own life that can benefit from embodied learning? I would be pleased to partner with you as you discover how to become more mindful and aware in your approach to life. Please contact me and we can schedule a time to work together in person or via Skype.

How to Use Emotional Intelligence Training to Be an Influential Leader

Written by Maria Connolly. Posted in Emotional Intelligence.

I love this quote from William Arthur Ward, “The mediocre teacher tells. The good teacher explains. The superior teacher demonstrates. The great teacher inspires.”

I think it applies to leading as well as to teaching. Whether you’re trying to inspire your clients, your employees or your children, understanding emotional intelligence training is vital for your success. Emotional intelligence training might sound intimidating but it isn’t difficult once you understand the fundamentals for behavioral change.

What does emotional intelligence training include? Here are the three stages, which include fifteen steps that you can use to motivate your clients, employees, children or others to become more emotionally in tune with themselves, others, and the world around them.

Stage One: Preparation and Motivation

Assess the job. Without knowing what the job involves, you won’t know what competencies are needed.

Assess the individual. Before you know what needs to be improved, you must know the person’s strengths and limitations.

Deliver assessments with care. Before giving your assessment, think about the impact your words will have on the hearer.

Gauge readiness. Not everyone is at the same level or stage in life, so determine if the person is ready to hear and work with you.

Motivate. Change comes when people want it and to achieve this you must motivate them at a higher level to overcome their reluctance to participate.

Make change self-directed. People learn at their own rate and only when they see the need. So tailor training according to what they want to work on at this moment, helping them link their goals with their personal values.

Stage Two: Education and Support

Focus on clear, manageable goals. Show them clearly what’s required to accomplish a goal.

Give performance feedback. Self-awareness and insight are keys to creating lasting change, yet these are often the pieces that are missing. By giving sincere, well-deserved commendation and points to work on, you’re helping the person create this self-awareness. And when they learn to recognize what pushes their buttons – gaining insight into what irritates and annoys them – they’re able to learn how to control their emotions.

Rely on experiential methods. “Repetition is the mother of retention” so the more they can actively practice the desired pattern of thought, feeling and action the faster and easier the new habits will become engrained in the brain.

Arrange support. Continual mentoring accelerates motivation and accomplishment, so establishing a buddy system is vital.

Provide models. We learn best by watching others, so show them how it’s done by providing good role models, including yourself. An embodied leader wants to model the desired behavior. In order to impact the lives of others, you work on exhibiting congruence in all aspects of your life. This gives you credibility, which is so critical for gaining the trust of your clients or employees. Fairness, respect, and humility, will bring out their best.

Prevent relapse. Everyone has bad day, so have reasonable expectations and be prepared to handle the downs as well as the ups, and give ample opportunities to practice the new skills.

Stage Three: Transformation and Evaluation

Encourage use of the new skill. Create a new environment with visual and verbal cues that reminds your clients to use what they’ve learned.

Reinforce change. Strengthen and support each person as they achieve new skills and levels of emotional competency.

Evaluate. To see progress you must have a measuring stick to assess it against. To keep them motivated, let them clearly see how far they’ve progressed.

Never think it’s too late to incorporate emotional intelligence training in your private practice, workplace or home. While it doesn’t happen overnight, you can alter deeply engrained habits and social behavior through retraining the brain and body.

If you’re a coach wanting to hone your emotional intelligence training skills or a CEO wanting to improve EI in the workplace, or an individual who want to excel personally, feel free to contact me for help in setting up your emotional intelligence training program.

Which of These 25 Emotional Intelligence Competencies Will You Master Next?

Written by Maria Connolly. Posted in Emotional Intelligence.

“What is it you’re really good at doing? What makes you unique?”

Do these questions make you squirm and think, “I don’t know…I’m just me?” Surprisingly, most people struggle with this. They do what they do without much thought. Of course you’re aware of your technical skills, people skills and personal work ethic. Yet, this barely scratches the surface of who you are.

With so many people feeling lost, unfulfilled and wanting to “find my true self”, it’s important to take time to mindfully define in great detail your core values, strengths, and emotional intelligence competencies.

When you do, a magical thing happens. You become empowered to break out of your comfort zone and excel beyond what you ever imagined possible. Like all top performers, you’ll finally know exactly what you’re capable of doing. You’ll know what to improve to achieve excellence. And while no one can master all 25 emotional intelligence competencies, you can significantly improve on some of them.

Daniel Goleman writes about the 25 emotional competencies in his book, Working with Emotional Intelligence. (I really enjoyed this book. You should check it out!) They fall into five categories, under two main headings – Personal and Social – as the following outline shows.

1. Personal Competence – how you manage yourself.

Self-Awareness: Know your internal states, preferences, and resources.
- Emotional awareness – recognize how emotions affect your life.
- Accurate self-assessment – know your strengths and limitations.
- Self-confidence – embrace your self-worth and capabilities.

Self-Regulation: Manage your internal states, impulses and resources.
- Self-control – keep disruptive emotions and impulses in check.
- Trustworthiness – maintain standards of integrity and honesty.
- Conscientiousness – take responsibility for your personal performance.
- Adaptability – be able to handle change, flexibility.
- Innovation – be comfortable with new ideas and ways of doing things.

Motivation: Emotional tendencies that guide or facilitate reaching goals.
- Achievement drive – strive for excellence.
- Commitment – wholeheartedly support group or organizational goals.
- Initiative – be ready to act on opportunities.
- Optimism – remain positive despite obstacles and setbacks.

2. Social Competence – how you handle relationships.

Empathy: Have an awareness of others’ feelings, needs and concerns.
- Understanding others – sense others’ perspectives.
- Developing others – actively bolster their abilities.
- Service orientation – anticipate, recognize, and meet others’ needs.
- Leveraging diversity – Cultivate opportunities through diverse people.
- Political awareness – reading power relationships and undercurrents.

Social skills: Proficiency at stirring up desirable responses in others.
- Influence – effectively persuade others.
- Communication – listen openly and sending compelling messages.
- Conflict management – negotiate and resolve disagreements.
- Leadership – inspire and guide individuals and groups.
- Change catalyst – initiate or manage change.
- Building bonds – nurture instrumental relationships.
- Collaboration and cooperation – work toward shared goals.
- Team capabilities – create group synergy, bring out their best.

Why not copy and paste this list into a Word document and print it out. Then score yourself from 1 (very limited) to 10 (excellent) on each one. But don’t stop there. Ask someone who knows you well to review it and get their viewpoint. It will be an eye-opening exercise for you and give you a basis for where you want to start improving.

And if you want to open your own private practice this exercise will keep you from floundering, because it helps you identify your unique selling proposition (USP) or unique value proposition (UVP) – the things that make you and your services unique. And when you identify that factor, your business will excel.

Would you like me to help you assess your emotional intelligence competencies and give you proven ways of getting out of your own way so you can excel? Then contact me and we can set up an in-person session or one via Skype.