Skip to main content

Maria Connolly, LPC Facebook Facebook Facebook

Tag: Mentorship

A good mentor supports, encourage, holds you accountable as he or she draws the best from you helping you grow into the best person you can be.

Women in Leadership Who Excel Have High Emotional Intelligence

Women leaders who excel all have high emotional intelligence, enabling them to manage their own emotions and understand and relate to others’ emotions too.While traditional gender biases still put men in leadership roles and women in supportive roles, in today’s economic climate this concept is being turned upside down. Leadership roles throughout a company’s organizational structure – from executive to supervisors to team leaders – are benefiting greatly from the unique style women leaders bring to the table.

To demonstrate that women certainly have the skills needed for leadership positions, a survey conducted by Harvard Business Review ranked women significantly higher than men for 12 of the top 16 competencies in which leaders must excel. This was so, despite the preconceived notion that men would typically perform better.

The leadership qualities they ranked are:

  1. Takes Initiative
  2. Practices Self-development
  3. Displays High Integrity and Honesty
  4. Drives for Results
  5. Develops Others
  6. Inspires and Motivates Others
  7. Builds Relationships
  8. Collaboration and Teamwork
  9. Establishes Stretch Goals
  10. Champions Change
  11. Solves Problems and Analyzes Issues
  12. Communicates Powerfully and Clearly
  13. Connects the Group to the Outside World
  14. Innovates
  15. Technical or Professional Expertise
  16. Develops Strategic Perspective (This is the only one where men outscored women significantly.)

Do you notice that most of these skills are related to emotional intelligence? This means they encompass an ability to 1) identify and manage one’s own emotions, 2) identify and understand someone else’s emotions, and 3) relate well to others personally and professionally even under the most stressful situations. This requires that a person be self-aware, self-regulating and empathetic. These relationship-based skills are ones wherein women certainly excel.

Practicing embodied leadership accelerates the attainment of these qualities. Mindful awareness allows you to really feel and identify your emotions, so you can express them in a constructive way. A leader who embodies these qualities will manage stress and enhance the cooperative spirit of her team. She’s able to keep the lines of communication open as she soothes her own ruffled emotions and those of others. She’s able to “read” what the body language of others is telling her.

Emotional intelligence is twice as valuable as IQ in the business world, since the emotional health of the team directly impacts productivity, motivation, engagement and loyalty. An embodied leader who is emotionally intelligent will be able to:

  • Restore calm out of chaos
  • Express emotions not squelch them
  • Have conversations not confrontations
  • Diffuse tricky situations
  • Negotiate calmly
  • Listen without becoming defensive
  • Benefit from criticism
  • Keep a positive, resilient attitude despite setbacks
  • Inspire respect and loyalty
  • Build trust and rapport
  • Be a self-starter who delights in accomplishment not position.

The best way to learn is by following the example of others. Would you like to read about women who have excelled in their leadership roles? I highly recommend the book, Leading Women: 20 Influential Women Share Their Secrets to Leadership, Business, and Life.

Even though women have these exemplary skills, they often do lack one thing that men, by nature, exude. They lack confidence in themselves and their abilities. Because women are often more concerned about keeping their home life together, or are afraid of being viewed as unfeminine and aggressive, or they’re reluctant to reach out because of discrimination, they aren’t using their skills to the full. If you’re ready to step out of your comfort zone so as to embrace a more fulfilling lifestyle, I would love to partner with you. Contact me and we can work together in Ashland, OR or via Skype.

Embodied Leadership – How to Bring Out the Best in You and Everyone Around You

Embodied leadership means you bring out the best in yourself and others, as you’re always fully aware of what your mind and body are saying to you and them.“We don’t need leaders who know about leadership. We need leaders who embody the capacity to lead in the midst of ambiguity and complexity.” ~ Pete Hamill

Does it feel like something is missing from the way dictionaries define leadership – “someone who guides, directs, controls, manages, or supervises a group of people or an organization”? People may comply when they are controlled or managed but it doesn’t create a team environment that fosters a synergy where, as a group, you accomplish greater things than you ever could as individuals.

If that synergy – which brings out the best in yourself and others – is what you’re interested in, then I’d like to introduce you to embodied leadership. It involves the way you speak, the language you use, the way you position your body, the harmony you feel by being fully present, and the calming and reassuring messages you convey to others. Ultimately, it’s about the quality of your presence and your way of being. When you practice embodied leadership you’re able to value, motivate, and bring out the best in yourself and the people around you.

Embodied leadership isn’t something you do – it’s who you are. By learning to connect the mind with the body and soul, and to lead with purpose, you can “lead at a deeper levels of self-awareness, developing your abilities to be the leader you want to be, and achieving what you are committed to achieving,” as stated by Pete Hamill. (He’s the author of Embodied Leadership – The Somatic Approach to Leadership, a book I highly recommend).

Somebody who embodies leadership in all aspects of life has a clear vision for how she wants her life to be – her personal life, her family, her home, and how she want to contribute to helping other people. It will make her a better wife, mother, friend, boss, advocate, or neighbor.

As women, we may tend toward feeling powerless at times and unable to compete in the world of male-dominated leadership. But you don’t need to compete. When you connect authentically with yourself, you can release the most important power any leader can have – not the power to dominate and control – but the power to build authentic relationships and empower others to make things happen. True leadership isn’t about barking out orders, but it’s the ability to sort out the chaos and come up with solutions that keeps the group moving forward.

How do you develop your embodied leadership potential?

Start by being more mindful of your body. For example, a 2010 study showed that open, expansive postures results in actual hormonal and neurochemical changes (testosterone elevates and cortisol, the stress hormone, lessens). And the subjects of the study gained a greater feeling of power and tolerance for risk, whether they were male or female. While contracted, closed postures had the opposite effect. 

Becoming more comfortable in your own skin is the first step to embodied leadership. The somatic approach to leadership assists you in centering yourself. It gives you the awareness to see where you hold tension, and teaches you how to release it gently. It gives you the confidence and poise to stand up for what you believe to be true and important, so you can assert yourself without fear. If you’re ready to step into your own power more fully, I’d be happy to guide you. Contact me to learn more. We can work in person if you live near Ashland, Oregon, or via Skype if you live elsewhere.

This is the beginning of a series on Embodied Leadership. You’ll find the next installments below.

Read related information on Embodied Leadership:

Develop Leadership Skills in Women Who Want to Make a Difference

Women in Leadership Who Excel Have High Emotional Intelligence

20 Amazing Benefits of Applying Embodied Leadership Principles to Your Relationships

Finding Your True Self – The Key to Embodied Leadership

Principles of Aikido Empower Embodied Leaders to be Calm under Crisis

How Embodied Leadership Succeeds Where Other Leadership Styles Fail

15 Highly Organized Characteristics of a Leader to Create a Lifestyle You Love

Seven Ways to Know You’ve Found the Best Life Coach to Mentor You

seven ways to find the best life coach to mentor you

“I never teach my pupils, I only attempt to provide the conditions in which they can learn.”  ~ Albert Einstein

When it comes to choosing a mentor or life coach it’s definitely not a one size fits all scenario. What’s right for your spouse or best friend may not be a good fit for you. What do you want and need from a mentorship experience?

If you don’t know what you want to accomplish, the time you spend with your mentor will not be as meaningful. So mindfully think about your life. What is the one area of your life you’d like to improve right now? What do you want to change?

There are fundamentally five areas of life to consider when you’re trying to pinpoint who will be the best life coach or mentor for you:

  • Relationships and Intimacy
  • Life Purpose, Personal Growth and Spirituality
  • Goal Setting, Creativity, and Motivation
  • Career Planning & Development and Life Balance
  • Lifestyle Improvement, Self-Care, and Stress Management

 

After you identify which area of life you want to grow in, you’ll be able to narrow down what you specifically want to achieve. Then you’ll be ready to seek out a mentor (or several mentors if you want to work on a few areas at once, such as a fitness expert and a business coach) who can help you formulate a sensible plan to help you reach your goals.

But how do you know if a mentor is right for you? Look for a life coach with the following seven consistent characteristics. Consider whether he or she…

1. is available to talk with you on a regular basis so that you can learn, grow and become a better person. Consistency is very important!

2. has qualities and values you admire and want to reflect in your own life.

3. has successfully traveled the road you want to go down and has the patience and skills to show you how to do it too.

4. has a depth of knowledge and wisdom in areas you lack and is able to give valuable advice.

5. will support you as he encourages you to reach for higher goals, to take the next step and to push yourself in ways you never thought possible.

6. will push you harder and keep you going by asking the hard questions that challenge you to come up with hidden answers. 

7. will help you dig deep and pull out more of the person you’re meant to be as you reach your full potential.

Which of the above characteristics best fits the place where you are at right now? If you’re in a very fragile place, you may need more nurturing rather than someone pushing you hard. Or if you’re ready to grow but are holding back because of fear, you may need that extra push right now.

When you find the mentor who is right for you, approach your mentoring relationship with an attitude of openness to reveal yourself and willingness to receive feedback. And don’t forget this is a give and take relationship. You have value to share with your mentor as well. As your relationship grows, you very well may have found a best friend for life.

I’m thrilled to work with women in private coaching and group coaching sessions who are ready to expand their ability to consistently make choices that contribute to personal happiness and that of others. If you are ready to partner with me to help you reach your goals, please contact me and let’s talk.

How Do You Find the Right Mentor for You?

how do you find the right mentor for you“When you know yourself, you are empowered. When you accept yourself, you are invincible.” ~ Tina Lifford

Have you noticed how many successful business people are talking about their mentors and how those mentors have helped them to push beyond their roadblocks and enabled them to achieve more than they ever thought possible? It’s no secret that their success comes from tapping into the wisdom of others. Yet in day-to-day conversations, mentorship isn’t often discussed.

Is mentorship only for high-powered executives or can anyone find real value in seeking a mentor? If you’re someone who isn’t satisfied with where you are in life, it’s time to reach out to a mentor. That doesn’t mean you need to ask a stranger, “Will you be my mentor?” Your mentor should be someone you know and trust.

Where should you look for a mentor?

Remember that mentorship is a relationship. It might be a relationship with someone you’ve known for a long time, like your trusted and successful uncle. Or it could be a professional life coach that you follow and admire. The best way to form a relationship is to spend time with the person who knows what you want to learn.

Here are some suggestions for where to look for a mentor:

  • Friends
  • Family
  • Colleagues
  • Recommendations from people you trust
  • Leaders in groups or organizations, schools or programs you’ve been associated with
  • Reputable life coaches locally
  • Reputable online mentors (The internet removes any limits to successfully building a relationship with a mentor who lives across the country.)

Can you think of two or three people who have done what you want to do in a way that you’d be proud to model yourself after? Reach out to one of them and have a conversation about one of your concerns. (Keep your visit short so you don’t wear out your welcome.) Do they kindly take time to talk with you? Are they more than willing to share their expertise? If so, let them know how much their help has meant to you. This is the foundation for building a great relationship with your mentor. If you don’t find a good response, then try the next person on your list.

The same principles apply to reaching out to an online mentor. Read what they’ve written on their website, listen to them, and interact with them on Facebook and LinkedIn. Ask good questions and pay attention to their responses.

Mentors are invaluable for so many reasons, but essentially they provide knowledge, motivation, advice, counsel, encouragement when you need it most, guidance for personal development and so much more. If you’re lucky enough to find a personal mentor who can be all of these things to you, you’ll have an advantage over many others, because you have a secret weapon that can take you to the top! 

Do you have a concern you’d like to ask me about? Come over to my Facebook Page and leave a comment about the one thing that concerns you the most right now. I’d love to hear from you.

Find a Mentor If You Want to Discover Your Full Potential

Reach your full potential by seeking mentors who draw out your best, support and encourage you. Our chief want is someone who will inspire us to be what we know we could be. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

There’s so much potential in each one of us yet uncertainty and feelings of inadequacy often hold us back. The ability to tap into our potential often lies in having the right mentor at the right time.

You might think that you’ve never had a mentor but if you’re lucky, you had a loving support system as a child helping you become your very best. When you made a mistake, there was someone like a parent, a grandparent or teacher who kindly corrected you and showed you a better way and explained why it was so. When you felt unworthy or inadequate, you had a best friend or coach that was there to cheer you on and reassure you that you could do it.

As an adult you can unlock your potential by seeking out mentors who keep you grounded and at the same time help you to soar. Personal development, especially for those who want to reach their full potential, isn’t a one-time spectacular event. It’s a life-long process.

I’ve been blessed with a number of mentors who believe in me and who are there when I need them. I found my most meaningful mentor later in life. It was during a very difficult time when my self-esteem was not very strong and my future not so clear. 

He was both a strong and gentle presence that met me where I was and guided me out of the chaos I was in. Looking back now I feel so blessed and so grateful not only for the words of encouragement and the relentless support, but for the gift of friendship. Through developing our own relationship, I was able to develop a strong relationship with myself, become my own unwavering sponsor.  

As my mentor, he helped me to learn…

To be a better version of myself,

To be curious about life and people,

To have the confidence that I can overcome anything in life,

To view life as a precious gift,

And to be in awe of beauty all around.

To learn all of these things about myself I had to be open to hearing what he had to say. I had to let go of resentment, guilt and doubt to let the good come in. To this day, I feel grateful for his presence in my life and seek his counsel often when I’m unsure about how to handle something personal or professional.

Knowing others is wisdom, knowing yourself is enlightenment. ~ Lao Tzu

This positive experience has led me to seek more mentors. And today I’m proud to count among my teachers some of the most skilled in their field. What’s truly remarkable about them as mentors is that, despite their expertise, they remain so approachable and humble.

To all my wonderful mentors – you know who you are – thank you for helping me become who I am today.

There is so much wisdom within the people around you. Rather than going it alone and learning the hard way, why not tap into the wisdom of someone who has already grown into the place where you want to be? Seek out someone who lives the way that you want to live. If you want a good marriage, seek out someone who has been happily married a long time. If you want to become a great therapist, reach out to someone in your field that you admire. You’ll be pleasantly surprised at how willing they are to share their life’s experience with you. Finding yourself can be as easy as opening your eyes, ears and heart and taking it all in.


Let's get started with 30 free minutes

I invite you to learn more about me and my coaching and counseling services. Please contact me to schedule an “It starts with you!” 30-minute complimentary consultation with me, in-person, by phone or via video consultation, so we can explore our partnership.

SCHEDULE


How to Step Forward to a Future You've Created

Discover how to replace your old, self-limiting map with a new map full of possibilities for the future

DOWNLOAD YOUR FREE INTRO TO STEPPING FORWARD TODAY!