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How to Fully Utilize the Power of Gratitude in Your Life

Written by Maria Connolly. Posted in Health and Wellness, Life Skills.

How to Fully Utilize the Power of Gratitude in Your Life How much would you pay for a tool that changes your day? You could live anywhere in the world and use this tool to turn a gloomy day into a bright cheery day; you could combat illness and make yourself healthier; and you could even change your brain, so you gracefully cope with any distressing event. Guess what? It doesn’t matter if you’re rich or poor; you already own this amazing tool. It’s the power of gratitude.

To illustrate how the power of gratitude works, try to put yourself in the following story and feel what Meg feels.

Monday morning Meg wakes up early to get to her new gym class on time. It’s not easy, but she’s happy, because she’s determined to honor her promise to protect her health. As she enters her garage, she sees the car has a flat tire. Not only that, she discovers that her son left the lights on and the door ajar, so the battery is dead.

Meg’s good mood disappears. She won’t make it to the gym. As she thinks about calling Triple A for assistance, she gets very angry with her son. He’s ruined her day. She’s not even going to make it to work on time. She slams her coffee mug on the counter and sprays coffee on her coat. Great! Can anything else go wrong? Yes. While she was preoccupied, her favorite cat, which just had surgery, slips outside.

My guess is she, and you, are feeling pretty stressed right now. It’s human nature to dwell on negatives and to what you don’t have. But when you take your focus off these things and zoom out, so you’re noticing your life from bird’s eye view, you’ll feel a shift occur.

In your imagination, zoom out so you see your house on your street – see the trees, the road, the stop sign, and the neighbors’ houses. Zoom out further and see your house nestled in your city block. Zoom out still further and see it within your city. Now return to the story. Let’s see how the power of gratitude can change your feelings toward “your son.”

As you look down on the garage, you notice the tree he helped plant in your pretty garden. Yes, your son made a mistake, but at least he’s not battling leukemia like the young man down the block, and he’s not on drugs like the boy across town. In fact, he’s a really good kid. And you start to feel grateful that he is such a good kid.

At the very moment you soften and feel gratitude, your breathing and heart rate slows. You notice tension in your shoulders, and you shrug it out. You start noticing how nice and warm your home is; how beautifully the sun glistens off the early morning frost; how lucky you are to have a family that loves you.

It’s not just a coincidence that gratitude creates such a profound shift. From this highly condensed story, we can identify how the power of gratitude works. (In real life, the process may not occur so quickly.)

Gratitude makes you present in the moment. Rather than becoming stuck on “the disasters” you aren’t afraid to take a step back and see the bird’s eye view of your life. Why? Because, on a deep level, you already know for a certainty that there’s an abundance of goodness in your life that you can rely on.

Gratitude makes you aware of your body sensations. You don’t notice how tense you become during the crisis, but feeling gratitude brings awareness and allows you to let it go.

Gratitude makes you see what you do have. The negative event is crowded out by the thought, “He’s a really good kid.” No matter what’s happening in your life, it’s not as bad as someone else. As you become aware of other less fortunate people, you’ll feel a deeper appreciation for what you do have.

Gratitude makes you content with what you have. Feeling grateful feels like you’re giving yourself a giant hug. You love your life and everything about it. No doubt, there may be things that you’ll change in the future, but for today, what you have is enough to fill you with satisfaction, joy and well-being.

Gratitude is contagious. Being grateful has the power to block out negativity. You can’t pay attention to what’s missing or what’s not going well, if you mindfully focus on what is. Since the Thanksgiving holiday is here, why not come over to my Facebook page and let’s spread the power of gratitude. Please share with me: What are you grateful for today?

 

Read other articles on gratitude:

Choosing Gratitude – The Recipe for a Happier, More Meaningful Life

Amplify Your Attitude of Gratitude – The Secret to Lasting Transformation

Practice Gratitude and You’ll Feel Rich Beyond Measure

Rewire Your Brain by Taking in the Good and Savoring the Moment

Lynne Goldberg’s Story on Gratitude

Neuroplastic Healing: Make New Brain Connections for Optimal Wellness

Written by Maria Connolly. Posted in Health and Wellness.

Neuroplastic Healing: Make New Brain Connections for Optimal Wellness“Better keep yourself clean and bright; you are the window through which you must see the world.” ~ George Bernard Shaw

For years, we’ve heard advertisements for apps like Lumosity that work to improve your neuroplasticity. But what exactly is neuroplasticity, and how can you use neuroplastic healing to achieve optimal health and well-being?

According the National Center for Biotechnology Information, a branch of the National Institutes of Health, Neural plasticity (also called neuroplasticity or neuronal plasticity)…

“can be defined as the ability of the central nervous system (CNS) to adapt in response to changes in the environment or lesions. This property of the CNS may involve modifications in overall cognitive strategies to successfully cope with new challenges (i.e., attention, behavioral compensation), recruitment of new/different neural networks, or changes in strength of such connections or specific brain areas in charge of carrying out a particular task (i.e., movement, language, vision, hearing).”

Did you notice the words I highlighted in bold type? They show that just as plastic is flexible, your brain and nervous system is flexible too. If it wasn’t, you couldn’t learn a new skill. In a nutshell – when you mindfully make healthy, new connections between the neurons in your brain, which result in greater well-being, you’re taking advantage of neuroplastic healing. If one brain circuitry isn’t working properly, you can often consciously train a different brain circuit to work around the broken one.

Another way of explaining neuroplasticity is to think of it as rewiring your brain. Take for example deeply ingrained habits. They literally form pathways in your brain, however you can mindfully disrupt these and reroute to create a new pathway towards a better habit. It takes time to form these new paths; that’s why using microhabits can be so useful.

Problems may arise because of inflammation, toxicity or genetic abnormalities at a cellular level. Brain circuits may die, become dormant or fire at irregular rates. Other circuits may become overactive. If your system has gone haywire because of illness, stress, trauma or unhealthy choices, your whole body-mind-spirit wellness will suffer.  

Since your nervous system physiology is directed connected to your neuroplasticity, it’s important to keep your nervous system healthy. Read through the following list of how a person benefits from a healthy system. Then use this information to determine where neuroplastic healing may help you obtain your optimal state of well-being.

People who are out of balance and need neuroplastic healing often react to life’s challenges in one of two ways:

  • They either live in the survival mode of fight/ flight response that pumps adrenaline and cortisol throughout their system all day long.
  • They freeze up, shut down, tune out or numb themselves so they feel nothing.

When you work at restoring total body-mind-spirit wellness via somatic coaching, you create a foundation for neuroplastic healing. Then the above-mentioned benefits will become part of your life naturally. If you’d like to learn more, please contact me and schedule an “Unlocking Your Potential” 30-minute complimentary consultation (in-person, by phone or via Skype).

Heal Yourself by Connecting to Your Body’s Wisdom (Plus a Podcast Interview)

Written by Maria Connolly. Posted in Spirituality.

How to Heal Yourself from Within “Change is the end result of all true learning.” ~ Leo Buscaglia

Will you be disappointed, if the next time you’re sick, you go to the doctor’s office and you aren’t given a prescription for medication? Sadly, we live in a culture that, when we feel bad, we want to get instant results from popping a pill. While there’s a place for medication, much of today’s ills are a result of the lifestyle we live, whether by choice or circumstance. The good news is that you can learn to heal yourself of many of the emotional, spiritual and physical ills that today’s stressful society puts upon you.

If you want to heal yourself, you have to be willing to do the work, because no one can do it for you. It’s up to you to learn what foods are nutritious and good for your body; what exercise is fun and sustainable for you; what information feeds and builds up your mind and spirit. When you learn to connect with your own body’s inner wisdom, you’ll be able to support a lasting healing process from within.

Healing is deeply connected with learning.

Recently, I was interviewed by Rachel Stewart on her Pieces of Grit Podcast, and I shared with her why I love Somatic Coaching. It’s a coaching philosophy that moves the sectors of learning out of the head and into the whole body, which allows you to connect with something bigger than yourself, something spiritual. (You can listen to this lovely interview with Rachel Stewart on iTunes or on Rachel’s Website, or on her Pieces of Grit Library website.)

Never before in history have we had so much information available to us. Unfortunately, there are plenty of people saying, “this is the right way to live” or “that’s the wrong way to live”. However, because you are the only one who will live your life, I believe it’s up to you to choose your individual path, which makes you feel whole and healthy.

The reality is that people today, women especially, have been socialized to be less than what we are capable of being. We’re so much a product of our background and family experience, which may put unnecessary limits on us. Past traumatic events shape behavioral patterns and physiological reactions that we accept as normal, but our bodies show us how they’re damaging us instead.

When you choose to take in the right information for yourself, you can begin to heal. The more you learn the more you heal. The learning and healing journey are unique to each person. Don’t be afraid of it. I encourage you to embrace it as a way of growing.

Healing yourself involves learning to interpret what you’re given. All of the feedback you get from “your circle of influence” or “your tribe” gives you insight and fuel that gets you to the next stage in your development as a human being.

I like to think of our daily choices in terms of adjusting our dials.

We have different dials – family life, career, physical well-being, spirituality, recreation, etc. For example, some days we dial up career activities, while dialing down recreation; other days we dial down career and dial up family or exercise. Learn to suspend judgment as you mindfully create greater awareness of the dials that are important to you. (My free 7-Point Wellness Assessment is a great tool for doing this.) Then you can use any feedback you get, as a means of gauging if your dials are adjusted properly for the present moment.

Learn to relate to the people around you and your environment with curiosity, an open mind and healthy action, instead of a self-limiting emotional reaction. Would you like to become more mindfully aware of how to identify and interpret emotions and body sensations, so you can adapt or respond in more positive ways? Please contact me and schedule an “Unlocking Your Potential” 30-minute complimentary consultation (in-person, by phone or via Skype). Each step toward making positive choices is a way of learning how to heal yourself from within.

Speak Positivity into Your Life to Master the Language of Success

Written by Maria Connolly. Posted in Change Your Life, Positive Mindset.

Positivity is the universal language of success. You have to speak it, if you want to go places in this world. Even if you’ve spoken Negativity your whole life, you can learn to speak Positivity into your life!“The words you speak become the house you live in.” ~ Attributed to Hafiz

I speak a number of languages…English, Spanish, Italian, and Positivity. Yes, Positivity is a language. It’s the universal language of success. You have to speak it, if you want to go places in this world. Even if you’ve spoken Negativity your whole life, you can learn to speak Positivity into your life!

All languages have patterns that we practice in order to master them. When you finally become fluent in the language, the new way of thinking becomes automatic and you can form real and deep connections with others who speak it. The same is true when you practice speaking Positivity. You will create great success, when you make it a practice to speak positivity into your life every day. The words you speak become self-fulfilling prophecies, so speech is an extremely powerful tool. Once you’ve said it, your brain and body believe it.

We all have our own particular pattern of speech – some people are critical faultfinders, while others are known for always building others up. Of course, at times the most positive person can speak a negative comment. But overall, what pattern of speech do you have?

Over the course of the next week, I encourage you to pay attention to the words you use so you create greater awareness of your pattern of speech. Are you speaking Positivity into your life or is Negativity your mother tongue? You might even enlist a buddy to help you, because it’s difficult to be aware of this all the time.

We become more successful in life when we learn to use positive speech effectively. As you gain greater awareness, you’re going to notice how often the tendency to be judgmental is associated with negative speech. That’s why I encourage you to learn somatic practices and to practice suspending judgment and mindfulness.

Learn to avoid blanket statements or absolute statements, because they’re judgmental in nature and aren’t helpful in developing positive speech. They appear in thoughts such as, “total disaster, complete idiot, absolute wreak, always late, or never listens to me.” 

Recognize words that limit you or label you. Notice when you’re speaking whether you’re creating unwanted boundaries in your mind. These words are usually followed by the word, “so”. And we often use them as excuses. For instance, you may say, “I’m a procrastinator, so…”

More often than not, we misuse the power of speech by unconsciously sabotaging our chances of success, by convincing ourselves that something is impossible; it can’t happen. Be mindful to avoid words that breed hopelessness, fear, anxiety or negativity.

On the other hand, when you use positive language about yourself and your abilities to meet challenges you will love the outcomes you achieve. When you speak Positivity, you use language that is precise, results-oriented and builds trust.

Neuroscience has proven that you can rewire your brain to replace destructive patterns of thought, speech and behavior with more positive ones. Once you’ve noticed a manner of speech that isn’t bringing positivity into your life, make a conscious decision to replace it. This applies to the words you speak about yourself and words you speak and choose to listen to about others.

When you want positivity to grow in your life, you won’t want to give your problems or stresses more power by talking about them. Instead, focus on the good that you want to grow. If you want more influence, self-confidence, connection or opportunities, pay attention to what you’re sending out into the world each time you speak.

Also, monitor your body language as well. How you hold yourself – your posture, facial expression, and demeanor – profoundly shapes your emotions and how you speak.

Are you ready to become proficient in the language of “Positivity”? It may seem like a foreign language to you, but you can master this powerful skill. It will attract more opportunities and give you the confidence to go after and get the success you crave. I’d love to partner with you as you speak positivity into your life. Please contact me and schedule an “Unlocking Your Potential” 30-minute complimentary consultation (in-person, by phone or via Skype).

Are You Sending Rude Emails Unintentionally? 15-Point Checklist

Written by Maria Connolly. Posted in Healthy Relationships.

Have you ever sent an email, and the receiver became offended because they thought it was rude email? This happens when we get in a hurry. To avoid sending rude emails, here’s a 15-Point Checklist that makes sure your communications are concise and courteous. Entire business departments have been thrown into a panicked frenzy because of them. Bosses have come close to firing loyal employees because of them. Friendships have been ruined because of them. Reputations have been damaged because of them. What has so much power to cause so much misery? People are unintentionally sending messages that are perceived as rude emails because they come across as demanding, disrespectful or insubordinate.

In business, especially via email, we often sacrifice kindness and respect in an attempt to be concise and to the point. Just “wanting to be quick” can lead to communication that is impoverished and more likely to be misunderstood.

We understand words in conjunction with vocal pitch and tone, speed and cadence, pauses, gestures, poses, and facial expressions. For example, we know that a twinkle in the eye and a smile softens corrective feedback. But with email, it’s very easy to convey frustration and judgment, because an email misses those auditory and kinesthetic elements of in-person conversation.

As human beings, no matter the situation, we want to feel seen, acknowledged and respected. However, in today’s world of emails and text messaging, clear and concise communication becomes complicated. Email strips a conversation bare, leaving it open to the receiver’s interpretation, which is largely based on their own cultural background, knowledge, biases, or current emotional state.

Since it’s often not what you say, but how you say it, that is perceived by your audience, how can you ensure your emails aren’t perceived as “rude emails” but are well received and elicit the responses you desire?  

I’ve created a Checklist to help you avoid some of the common pitfalls. Here are five ways to check yourself and ten ways to check your email, before hitting the Send button…

 

Check Yourself:

  1. Check your mood. If you’re rushed, frustrated or impatient, find your center and calm down before you write and send an email.
  2. Be deliberate. My favorite NLP presupposition says: “The meaning of my communication is the response that I get.” This means that in communication, I’m 100% responsible for what I communicate. If the other person misunderstands, I have to recheck how I communicated.
  3. Reflect on your tone. If you would hesitate to say something to someone’s face, don’t write it in an email.
  4. Be concise, but engage your heart. Always remember that on the other side of your email is a human being. Use all your interpersonal skills and make sure you convey care and respect.
  5. Continue to refine your communication skills. We’re always in the process of improving our skills that lead to deeper personal and professional relationships. And, since your success hinge highly on your connections, excellent communication is vital!

 

Check your email:

  1. CC, BCC, or Reply All carefully. Only loop in the people who need to see what you have to say.
  2. Limit negative feedback or correction via email. Negatives become especially negative in email form, so discern when in-person communication is more appropriate.
  3. Use exclamation points sparingly. Enough said.
  4. Remember the power in a name. Keep it personal by acknowledging the person by name; and sign off with either your name or at least your initial(s).
  5. Include niceties. At the beginning of the day, or if you haven’t had a contact for awhile, a few kind words keeps brief messages from sounding brusque.
  6. Give detailed, weighty messages the respect they deserve. “Got it” or “Fine!” will appear flippant and rude.
  7. Proofread. Improper grammar, spelling and punctuation convey the idea that you don’t care.
  8. Create a clear message in the subject line. If your message is time sensitive, include a date or time, instead of URGENT or ASAP.
  9. Write in an easy-to-read format. Use white space to visually separate thoughts. Bullet points or bold type can highlight important details. However, all capital letters or boldface is perceived as “shouting.”
  10. Read it out loud. Make sure all relevant information is included in a manner that is clearly understood.

Miscommunication occurs when people have different expectations about the messages they send and receive. Making assumptions about your audience’s expectations increases the risk that your message, or its tone, will be misinterpreted.

You’ll put your best foot forward, if you remember to ask yourself, “Who is my audience? How would I talk to them in person? What kind of impression do I want to make?”

Would you like to learn more about how NLP coaching can enhance your relationships through effective communication skills? Please contact me and schedule an “Unlocking Your Potential” 30-minute complimentary consultation (in-person, by phone or via Skype).

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