The Body Remembers: Surprising Ways Family Dynamics Affect You

There’s something profound about returning to the places and people that shaped us. Recently, I went back to Italy to visit my family, spending time with my mom and my brother—who holds a special place in my heart. Being back in the home I grew up in was a comforting experience, but it also stirred up a mixture of memories, both joyful and challenging. I felt firsthand how deeply the body remembers, holding traces of these formative experiences even when we aren’t consciously aware of them.

As a somatic therapist, I’m attuned to the ways our bodies store these kinds of memories. Family visits often bring up more than just conversations and laughter; they bring up layers of bodily sensations, emotions, and even old protective patterns. For me, walking through the familiar rooms, smelling the same scents, and hearing the sounds of home took me back to earlier versions of myself. Some of those memories were warm and grounding, while others felt heavier, tied to moments of struggle or tension that lingered in my body even now.

How the Body Remembers

Holding on to Family Dynamics

In somatic therapy, we understand that our bodies don’t just “store” memories in a simple way—they hold complex impressions of our relationships, our roles, and our early emotional landscapes. For instance, seeing my mom and brother brought a sense of connection and warmth, but it also tapped into some unresolved feelings I may have carried for years. The body has a way of bringing these sensations to the surface, even when we’re not entirely sure where they’re coming from.

When I was with my family, I noticed how my shoulders tightened during certain conversations or how my heart lifted when sharing stories with my brother. These sensations were more than just physical—they were indicators of deeper emotional currents tied to our shared past. These bodily responses can serve as cues, inviting us to explore what we may need to process or release.

Somatic Techniques for Processing Family Dynamics

For those of us revisiting family dynamics, somatic therapy offers techniques that help us process these often overwhelming sensations. Here are a few approaches that I found helpful during my time in Italy and that I often recommend:

Grounding and Orienting to the Present Moment

When past emotions or old patterns resurface, it’s easy to feel flooded. Grounding practices help us stay connected to the present, reminding us that we are no longer that child or teenager in those past dynamics. I found it helpful to ground myself with small rituals—taking deep breaths, feeling the weight of my body on the floor, or focusing on the sights and sounds around me. These simple practices helped me stay present and rooted, allowing me to engage with my family from my current self, not just from a place of past memory.

Noticing and Naming Sensations

During certain conversations or interactions, I’d notice physical sensations arise, like tension in my stomach or warmth in my chest. Acknowledging and naming these sensations—“There’s a tightness in my shoulders” or “I feel a warmth in my chest”—helped me become more aware of what my body was communicating. Sometimes, these sensations were tied to past fears or anxieties, but naming them allowed me to create a bit of space between myself and the emotions.

Breathwork for Emotional Release

Breathwork is another powerful tool to help release emotions held in the body. When I noticed moments of tension or felt particularly emotional, I’d take slow, deep breaths, imagining that I was creating space for any lingering emotions to move through me. This practice doesn’t just relax the body—it can also create room for emotions to emerge without overwhelming us.

Self-Compassion and Reparenting

Family visits can trigger old patterns where we might feel vulnerable, defensive, or unworthy. I reminded myself to approach these feelings with self-compassion, to meet my younger self—the one who might have felt misunderstood or unseen—with kindness. Sometimes, this means “reparenting” ourselves: offering ourselves the understanding and love we might not have fully received growing up.

Moving Toward Healing

Returning home, I left with a sense of gratitude for the experience. Being with my family, especially in the familiar setting of my childhood home, was a powerful reminder of how much we carry with us. Yet it was also a reminder of the resilience and growth I’ve developed over the years. The body may hold memories, but it also has an incredible capacity to heal, transform, and rewire those old patterns.

Family visits are complex, filled with love, nostalgia, and sometimes challenging reminders of our past selves. By bringing somatic awareness to the way the body remembers our experiences, we can engage with family in a way that fosters healing rather than simply reliving old patterns. It’s a journey of understanding, compassion, and transformation, where each visit home becomes an opportunity to reconnect with ourselves in a new way.

 “Dream Big, Start Small” Here’s the one thing you can do today.

This Releasing the Past, Embracing the Present exercise helps you release stored tension and emotional patterns from past family experiences. It allows you to engage with your loved ones in the present moment without carrying forward old burdens.

Find your Grounding Space. 

Close your eyes if it feels safe to do so, or soften your gaze to focus inward. Take a few deep breaths, letting your belly expand on the inhale and gently contract on the exhale. Feel the weight of your body being supported by the floor or chair beneath you.

Connect to the Present Moment

Start by bringing your awareness to your surroundings. Notice the sounds, the temperature of the air, and any sensations on your skin. If you’re in a family setting, observe the people and the environment with fresh eyes. Remind yourself that you are here, in the present, not in the past. You are safe.

Notice Your Body’s Signals

Scan your body from head to toe, paying attention to any areas of tension or discomfort. Is there tightness in your shoulders? A flutter in your stomach? A heaviness in your chest? Don’t try to change these sensations, simply observe them. Allow your body to communicate what it’s holding onto from past family interactions.

Name and Acknowledge

Gently name what you feel to create space between the present moment and the past feelings they represent. For example:

• • “I feel tightness in my chest.”
  • “There’s a weight in my stomach.”
  • “My shoulders feel heavy.”

Breathe Through the Sensations

Take a deep breath in, imagining that you are breathing into the area of tension. As you exhale, visualize the tension softening or flowing out of your body. You can imagine it dissolving, or you can envision it being released through your breath. Allow yourself to take several slow, deep breaths, letting go of the emotional residue from past interactions.

Release with Movement

Once you’ve connected with the sensations, gently begin to move your body to help release what you’ve noticed. You might roll your shoulders, gently stretch your neck, or shift your posture. This movement can help release any residual tension or energy tied to past family dynamics. If you’re standing, you can lightly sway side to side, imagining yourself shaking off the weight of old memories.

Reaffirm Your Present Self

After several breaths and gentle movements, bring your awareness back to your current experience. Place a hand over your heart or gently rest your hands on your lap. Take a moment to thank your body for the work it has done in holding onto past memories. Acknowledge that you are a different person now. You have grown, healed, and are capable of engaging in relationships from a place of strength and presence.

Say to yourself, silently or aloud:
“I am here in the present moment. I honor the past, but I am no longer bound by it. I choose to engage with my loved ones from my current self, with compassion and openness.”

This exercise can be done any time you feel old patterns and emotions arising. By regularly practicing this, you can begin to release the grip of past family dynamics and nurture more conscious, healing connections with your loved ones. Would you like to learn more about how  somatic awareness can help you enjoy your family reunions more? Please contact me for a free consultation to explore your options.