It Starts With You. How to Get What YOU Want From Life

A love letter to the magnificent women who refuse to choose between success and fulfillment

She walks into our first session with her phone buzzing, her calendar packed, and a coffee cup that’s been refilled so many times it would qualify for frequent flyer miles. She’s running three projects, managing a team of twelve, planning her daughter’s birthday party, and somehow still remembering to water the plants that her mother-in-law gave her (because letting them die would be “giving up”).

She wants it all. And honestly? I’m here for it.

“I just need better time management,” she says, scrolling through her color-coded calendar. “Maybe some stress reduction techniques. I’ve heard meditation works, but who has twenty minutes to sit still?”

I nod knowingly. Because here’s what I’ve learned after years of working with phenomenal women who run companies, lead teams, raise families, and somehow still show up for book club: the problem isn’t that they want too much. The problem is they’ve forgotten who they are underneath all that doing.

The “It All” Myth

Let’s get one thing straight: when she says she “wants it all,” she’s not being greedy. She’s being human. She wants meaningful work that uses her talents. She wants relationships that nourish her. She wants to feel proud of what she’s building and present for what matters.

Society loves to tell ambitious women they need to “choose” career or family,  success or balance, professional excellence or personal fulfillment. As if there’s a cosmic limit on how much goodness one woman is allowed to have.

But here’s what I see in my practice: these women aren’t trying to have everything. They’re trying to have everything that matters to them. And that’s not just reasonable; it’s revolutionary.

Stress Goes Deeper Than You May Think

When clients come to me asking about stress management, they usually want tactics or life hacks that will help them cram more into their already impossible schedules.

But stress isn’t usually about having too much to do. It’s about doing too much that doesn’t align with who you are.

One client thought she needed to say no more often. The truth? She didn’t know what she actually wanted to say yes to.

“I should be excited about this promotion,” she told me. “But when I think about actually doing the job, I just feel tired.”

That’s not a time management problem. That’s an identity problem.

The Magic of “It Starts With You”

Here’s where the real work begins. 

“It Starts With You” doesn’t mean high-achieving women are selfish. In fact, they’re often the opposite. It means they’ve spent so long being everything to everyone that they’ve lost touch with who they are when no one’s watching.

My favorite part of coaching is watching brilliant women rediscover themselves.

“I used to love writing,” one client told me, surprised by her own words. “I haven’t done that in years. I wonder why I stopped.”

Another realized she’d been taking leadership roles that required skills she was good at but didn’t enjoy using. 

“Just because I can manage difficult people doesn’t mean I want to spend my day doing it,” she laughed. “Who knew that was an option?”

This is the moment it clicks: success doesn’t mean squeezing yourself into someone else’s blueprint. It means designing a life that actually fits you.

You Don’t Need to Become “Better”

Here’s the beautiful irony: women come to me thinking they need to become more organized, balanced, or disciplined. But the real transformation happens when they remember how wonderful they already are.

They’re not broken. They’re just trying to live someone else’s definition of success.

When Lisa (not her real name) stopped trying to be the CEO who worked 70-hour weeks “because that’s what successful CEOs do” and instead built a culture around her values of family and creativity, everything shifted. Her stress dropped, her team thrived, and she stopped apologizing for leaving at 5 PM to have dinner with her kids.

“I thought work-life balance meant finding time for life around work,” she told me. “Turns out it means creating work that fits with the life I want.”

Can you relate?

The Permission Slip You’ve Been Waiting For

Most high-achieving women don’t need more strategies. They need permission.

Permission to want what they want. To define success on their own terms. To trust their own judgment.

When I asked one client, “What if you designed your career around your actual strengths instead of the ones you think you should have?” she stared like I’d suggested she breathe underwater.

“We can do that?” she whispered.

“Yes. We absolutely can.”

The Ripple Effect of Self-Acceptance

When women accept themselves, including their quirks, flaws, and unconventional choices, something shifts. They stop trying to manage their lives like a problem to be solved and start living them like an adventure to be enjoyed.

Stress doesn’t vanish (life is still life), but it transforms. Instead of the grinding stress of trying to be someone else, it becomes the energizing challenge of becoming more themselves.

Their teams notice. Their families notice. Their dry cleaner probably notices.

One client recently told me her teenage daughter said, “Mom, you seem different lately. Like, happier or something.”

When I asked what had changed, she smiled. “I stopped trying to be the perfect mother and started being the mother I actually am. Turns out, she likes that version better.”

 “Dream Big, Start Small.” Here’s the one thing you can do today.

Come home to yourself. Because it starts with you, here’s one small practice to reconnect with who you are beneath all the roles and responsibilities:

• Sit comfortably with your feet on the floor. Close your eyes.
• Place one hand on your chest and one on your belly.
• Take three slow breaths, noticing your body rise and fall.
• Ask yourself softly: “What do I need right now?”
• Don’t overthink. Whatever arises, rest, water, laughter, focus, simply notice it and honor it if you can.

This takes less than a minute. Done daily, it strengthens your ability to hear and trust yourself, which is the first step in creating a life that actually fits you.

Why I Love Working with High-Achieving Women

I love working with ambitious women. They’re brilliant, funny, driven, complex, and absolutely unwilling to settle. They want better: better boundaries, better choices, better integration between who they are and how they live.

And when they align with themselves? When they stop apologizing for wanting both success and fulfillment? That’s where the magic happens.

So if you’re reading this thinking, “She’s talking about me,” you’re probably right. If you’re tired of trying to fit into someone else’s blueprint, if you’re ready to design a life that feels true, it starts with you.

Not because you’re the problem. But because you’re the solution.

Ready to stop managing your life and start designing it? I’d love to help you explore what “it all” means for you. Because spoiler alert: you’re already more wonderful than you think. Contact me for a free 30-minute get-acquainted call to determine if we’re a good fit for working together.