Category: Life Skills

Learn how to focus on the soft skills, the people skills like good communication, effective leadership, positive motivation, and managing your emotions.

Lack of Confidence – A Woman’s Greatest Challenge in Business

Written by Maria Connolly. Posted in Life Skills, Mindfulness, Private Practice Advice.

“Self-confidence is the first requisite to great undertakings.” ~ Samuel Johnson

Women have been trying to break through the glass ceiling for years. They struggle for equality in the workplace and in society. Historically women have played a supportive role. They’ve been the behind-the-scenes nurturers. In the business world, cultural and institutional barriers often define success or failure for businesswomen. Yet there’s an even bigger reason why women sometimes struggle to succeed. What is it? Many women lack confidence.

What is self-confidence? It’s the feeling of trusting your abilities, qualities and judgments. Many believe that self-confidence has to do with positive affirmations. Although, that is partly accurate, what truly builds confidence is experience – setting and achieving goals – thus building competence.

What makes so many women lack confidence? There are five basic reasons why women and men have lack of confidence:

Unrealistic expectations. Many people are perfectionists. To illustrate: a number of years ago, Hewlett-Packard discovered that women applied for a promotion only when they believed they met 100% of the qualifications. Men, on the other hand, applied when they felt they could meet 60% of the job requirements. If you wait to be perfect to reach for what you want, you’ll never get it! Your self-confidence comes from doing your best now. It’s a process of daily approximation. Start where you are!

Harsh, self-judgmental, negative thoughts running through our minds on an endless track. Some people feel they’re never good enough, never attractive enough, or never smart enough. Often this is a misguided attempt to improve their performance. Your thoughts have power. If you put yourself down, you’ll feel, well, down. The next time you hear negative talk in your head, ask yourself: How can I motivate myself to reach for what I want? Focus on an earlier accomplishment, be kind to yourself knowing that when you feel safe on the inside rather than under attack you will increase your motivation and perform better.

Preoccupation with fear. In the book, The Confidence Gap: A Guide to Overcoming Fear and Self Doubt, Russ Harris offers this wonderful advice, “Rather than trying to ‘get over’ your fears, form a new and wiser relationship with them. Paradoxically, it's only when we stop struggling against our fearfulness that we begin to find lasting freedom from it.” When you can peacefully embrace every one of your human emotions, including fear, as part of your daily occurrence, you’ll view life as a fascinating journey not something to dread. (I highly recommend this book as a valuable addition to your self help library.)

Lack of experience. There is no such thing as failure, only useful feedback! Feedback enables us to learn from our mistakes, refine our plan, change our behavior or adjust our priorities. Failure, on the other hand, erodes confidence, negatively impacts self-image and reduces our motivation to improve, which inevitably leads to low level of achievement. So, embrace "failure." Because if you are failing, you are learning and if you are learning, you are gaining experience. And experience is really what confidence is all about.

Lack of skill. Never stop learning. Learn something every day about your field, job, hobby or presentation – whatever you want to feel more confident about. Nowadays it's so easy to gain knowledge and information through YouTube tutorials, free online classes, mentoring. When you’re prepared, your self-confidence soars.

What can you do to build your self-confidence? Make an honest assessment of yourself. If you need to, ask a trusted friend to help you with this exercise. Make a list of all the things that have been gifted to you because people value you – close relationships, words of praise, loving gestures, kind deeds. Then make another list of your accomplishments that make you feel proud. Place these lists where you see them daily to remind yourself what an amazing person you are.

Isn’t it time that you stop missing out on opportunities in your life? I’m here to help you. Through private coaching and group coaching sessions you can embrace your fears and discover your inner strength as you reclaim confidence in yourself. Please contact me and let’s talk.

Seven Ways to Know You’ve Found the Best Life Coach to Mentor You

Written by Maria Connolly. Posted in Life Coaching, Life Skills, Somatic Coaching.

“I never teach my pupils, I only attempt to provide the conditions in which they can learn.” ~ Albert Einstein

When it comes to choosing a mentor or life coach it’s definitely not a one size fits all scenario. What’s right for your spouse or best friend may not be a good fit for you. What do you want and need from a mentorship experience?

If you don’t know what you want to accomplish, the time you spend with your mentor will not be as meaningful. So mindfully think about your life. What is the one area of your life you’d like to improve right now? What do you want to change?

There are fundamentally five areas of life to consider when you’re trying to pinpoint who will be the best life coach or mentor for you:

Relationships and Intimacy
Life Purpose, Personal Growth and Spirituality
Goal Setting, Creativity, and Motivation
Career Planning & Development and Life Balance
Lifestyle Improvement, Self-Care, and Stress Management

After you identify which area of life you want to grow in, you’ll be able to narrow down what you specifically want to achieve. Then you’ll be ready to seek out a mentor (or several mentors if you want to work on a few areas at once, such as a fitness expert and a business coach) who can help you formulate a sensible plan to help you reach your goals.

But how do you know if a mentor is right for you? Look for a life coach with the following seven consistent characteristics. Consider whether he or she…

1. is available to talk with you on a regular basis so that you can learn, grow and become a better person. Consistency is very important!

2. has qualities and values you admire and want to reflect in your own life.

3. has successfully traveled the road you want to go down and has the patience and skills to show you how to do it too.

4. has a depth of knowledge and wisdom in areas you lack and is able to give valuable advice.

5. will support you as he encourages you to reach for higher goals, to take the next step and to push yourself in ways you never thought possible.

6. will push you harder and keep you going by asking the hard questions that challenge you to come up with hidden answers.

7. will help you dig deep and pull out more of the person you’re meant to be as you reach your full potential.

Which of the above characteristics best fits the place where you are at right now? If you’re in a very fragile place, you may need more nurturing rather than someone pushing you hard. Or if you’re ready to grow but are holding back because of fear, you may need that extra push right now.

When you find the mentor who is right for you, approach your mentoring relationship with an attitude of openness to reveal yourself and willingness to receive feedback. And don’t forget this is a give and take relationship. You have value to share with your mentor as well. As your relationship grows, you very well may have found a best friend for life.

I’m thrilled to work with women in private coaching and group coaching sessions who are ready to expand their ability to consistently make choices that contribute to personal happiness and that of others. If you are ready to partner with me to help you reach your goals, please contact me and let’s talk.

How Do You Find the Right Mentor for You?

Written by Maria Connolly. Posted in Life Skills.

“When you know yourself, you are empowered. When you accept yourself, you are invincible.” ~ Tina Lifford

Have you noticed how many successful business people are talking about their mentors and how those mentors have helped them to push beyond their roadblocks and enabled them to achieve more than they ever thought possible? It’s no secret that their success comes from tapping into the wisdom of others. Yet in day-to-day conversations, mentorship isn’t often discussed.

Is mentorship only for high-powered executives or can anyone find real value in seeking a mentor? If you’re someone who isn’t satisfied with where you are in life, it’s time to reach out to a mentor. That doesn’t mean you need to ask a stranger, “Will you be my mentor?” Your mentor should be someone you know and trust.

Where should you look for a mentor?

Remember that mentorship is a relationship. It might be a relationship with someone you’ve known for a long time, like your trusted and successful uncle. Or it could be a professional life coach that you follow and admire. The best way to form a relationship is to spend time with the person who knows what you want to learn.

Here are some suggestions for where to look for a mentor:

Friends
Family
Colleagues
Recommendations from people you trust
Leaders in groups or organizations, schools or programs you’ve been associated with
Reputable life coaches locally
Reputable online mentors (The internet removes any limits to successfully building a relationship with a mentor who lives across the country.)

Can you think of two or three people who have done what you want to do in a way that you’d be proud to model yourself after? Reach out to one of them and have a conversation about one of your concerns. (Keep your visit short so you don’t wear out your welcome.) Do they kindly take time to talk with you? Are they more than willing to share their expertise? If so, let them know how much their help has meant to you. This is the foundation for building a great relationship with your mentor. If you don’t find a good response, then try the next person on your list.

The same principles apply to reaching out to an online mentor. Read what they’ve written on their website, listen to them, and interact with them on Facebook and LinkedIn. Ask good questions and pay attention to their responses.

Mentors are invaluable for so many reasons, but essentially they provide knowledge, motivation, advice, counsel, encouragement when you need it most, guidance for personal development and so much more. If you’re lucky enough to find a personal mentor who can be all of these things to you, you’ll have an advantage over many others, because you have a secret weapon that can take you to the top!

Do you have a concern you’d like to ask me about? Come over to my Facebook Page and leave a comment about the one thing that concerns you the most right now. I’d love to hear from you.

Find a Mentor If You Want to Discover Your Full Potential

Written by Maria Connolly. Posted in Life Skills.

Our chief want is someone who will inspire us to be what we know we could be. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

There’s so much potential in each one of us yet uncertainty and feelings of inadequacy often hold us back. The ability to tap into our potential often lies in having the right mentor at the right time.

You might think that you’ve never had a mentor but if you’re lucky, you had a loving support system as a child helping you become your very best. When you made a mistake, there was someone like a parent, a grandparent or teacher who kindly corrected you and showed you a better way and explained why it was so. When you felt unworthy or inadequate, you had a best friend or coach that was there to cheer you on and reassure you that you could do it.

As an adult you can unlock your potential by seeking out mentors who keep you grounded and at the same time help you to soar. Personal development, especially for those who want to reach their full potential, isn’t a one-time spectacular event. It’s a life-long process.

I’ve been blessed with a number of mentors who believe in me and who are there when I need them. I found my most meaningful mentor later in life. It was during a very difficult time when my self-esteem was not very strong and my future not so clear.

He was both a strong and gentle presence that met me where I was and guided me out of the chaos I was in. Looking back now I feel so blessed and so grateful not only for the words of encouragement and the relentless support, but for the gift of friendship. Through developing our own relationship, I was able to develop a strong relationship with myself, become my own unwavering sponsor.

As my mentor, he helped me to learn…

To be a better version of myself,

To be curious about life and people,

To have the confidence that I can overcome anything in life,

To view life as a precious gift,

And to be in awe of beauty all around.

To learn all of these things about myself I had to be open to hearing what he had to say. I had to let go of resentment, guilt and doubt to let the good come in. To this day, I feel grateful for his presence in my life and seek his counsel often when I’m unsure about how to handle something personal or professional.

Knowing others is wisdom, knowing yourself is enlightenment. ~ Lao Tzu

This positive experience has led me to seek more mentors. And today I’m proud to count among my teachers some of the most skilled in their field. What’s truly remarkable about them as mentors is that, despite their expertise, they remain so approachable and humble.

To all my wonderful mentors – you know who you are – thank you for helping me become who I am today.

There is so much wisdom within the people around you. Rather than going it alone and learning the hard way, why not tap into the wisdom of someone who has already grown into the place where you want to be? Seek out someone who lives the way that you want to live. If you want a good marriage, seek out someone who has been happily married a long time. If you want to become a great therapist, reach out to someone in your field that you admire. You’ll be pleasantly surprised at how willing they are to share their life’s experience with you. Finding yourself can be as easy as opening your eyes, ears and heart and taking it all in.

5 Ways to Make Your Lifestyle Changes Stick Even if You’ve Failed Before

Written by Maria Connolly. Posted in Handling Change, Mindfulness.

Human beings are complicated yet we want simple solutions. That’s why many look for a prescription to deal with pain – whether the pain is physical, emotional, mental or even spiritual. The right prescription can at times help. However, we need to make sure that we don’t ignore the lifestyle choices that got us where we are today. If we do – we won’t really get better.

Let’s say you’re under a deadline, so you live on caffeine and sugary energy bars. By skipping meals your body is starving for essential nutrients and minerals. This leads to sleep deprivation, which hinders your body from making vital repairs. Your moodiness and tiredness cause your relationships to suffer. You turn to alcohol to relax, but it makes things worse. Your mind starts bombarding you with negative and abusive self-talk. You begin to believe nothing you do works. You’re a failure. Everything starts to snowball into a mental health crisis like depression. So you keep pushing harder and harder…

Did you see the lifestyle choices that led to this pain? If you see yourself struggling be assured that it’s never too late to improve your health. We have the power to cultivate wellbeing by making small, deliberate changes in our lifestyles in the following seven areas:

Diet
Exercise
Mindfulness
Sleep and daily relaxation
Intimacy with self and others
Setting short and long term goals
Spirituality

You might say, “Maria, every year, I really try. I resolve to do things differently. And I do okay for the first day, the first week, or the first month. Then I mess up. I just can’t keep it up. Now I feel even worse. Not only can’t I change, I feel like such a failure for not having enough willpower. Why should I even try?”

Let me reassure you…you can change. It is worth the effort. You can succeed.

How can you make lifestyle changes that truly lead to better physical, emotional, spiritual and metal health? Where do you start and how do you make these changes stick?

When making changes it’s really important to:

Avoid the temptation to work on all seven areas at once. That’s too much. Instead, pick only one lifestyle change to work on until it becomes the way you want to live. That success will empower you to tackle the next one.

Do it in small chunks. Take your one big goal and list the steps you need to take to accomplish it. This makes it more realistic, achievable and less overwhelming. For example, do you want to eat healthier? One step may be to clean the sugar and junk food out of the cupboards, pantry, refrigerator and freezer. Another step may be to find healthy recipes you want to try. Another step is to stick to a weekly grocery list of only healthful foods. Another step is to build in new reward systems for each success – treat yourself to a pedicure, a new book, new clothes, etc.

Have a buddy system. We need support and encouragement to be successful. We need someone to be accountable to and to share our challenges and victories. I could not do it without the fierce and gentle support of my buddies!

Continue to adjust your goals as new information is available. We aren’t aware of all the variables when we start, so we need to continue to adjust. It's like a pilot that starts with a destination and a route in mind and during the flight has to adjust because of the weather or other air traffic. You may make it your goal to lose weight, but first you need to learn to eat healthier or start an exercise program. Or you might find that you’re an emotional eater who needs to heal a relationship problem first.

Accept that there are some things that can’t be changed. If there are some physical problems that can’t be fixed, you can still focus on mental health, emotional support and spirituality to help you accept your current situation and cope in a healthier way. You will often discover this improves your physical wellbeing in the process.

Every time you make mindful choices that supports the lifestyle you envision for yourself, you’re taking back the control you need. Each success empowers you to go on to the next with confidence. You can improve your physical, emotional, spiritual and mental health one step at a time. If you find you aren’t getting the support you need, why not give me a call and we can schedule an appointment to work together so you can achieve the success you desire and deserve.

Category: Life Skills

Lack of Confidence – A Woman’s Greatest Challenge in Business

Seven Ways to Know You’ve Found the Best Life Coach to Mentor You

How Do You Find the Right Mentor for You?

Find a Mentor If You Want to Discover Your Full Potential

5 Ways to Make Your Lifestyle Changes Stick Even if You’ve Failed Before

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