Maria Connolly, LPC
Learn how to focus on the soft skills, the people skills like good communication, effective leadership, positive motivation, and managing your emotions.
“Listen with your eyes as well as your ears.” ~ Graham Speechley
You might think that deep listening skills are mainly between your ears and brain. While that’s part of the process, more crucial is what’s going on in your heart — your inner person that’s powered by motives, desires, values and your way of operating in the world. If you’re tired of superficial conversations, read on…
“Listening is being able to be changed by the other person.” ~ Alan Alda
As Linda poured out her feelings during a recent session, she stopped and looked at me expectantly. “Aren’t you going to tell me what you think or tell me how to fix my problem? After all, that’s what everyone else does, when I try to tell how I feel.” I told her, “Number one…I don’t believe you need to be “fixed”. My job is to employ the art of listening so I can help you reflect on your feelings and find their meaning for yourself.”
Her experience illustrates how we fall into the trap of thinking about what we’re going to say next, rather than really give our full attention to what the other person is saying. It’s natural to relate what you’re hearing to your own experiences, however, this can lead to jumping to inaccurate conclusions. It’s important to make a deliberate and mindful effort to understand the other side.
“Somewhere in there, among the worries, questions, advice and advertising jingles, lives your intuition, your true ‘inner voice.’ You can hear it to the extent that you give it your attention.” ~ Martha Beck
There are times when I still hear my mother’s voice in my head. That’s not surprising since she’s been there my whole life. Sometimes I find her voice helpful; sometimes that voice is trying to keep me safe and not take risks. Over the years, the voices of authority — parents, teachers, mentors — became part of my inner voice, and they weren’t always speaking MY truth. This illustrates why it’s so important to know how to find YOUR inner voice — and learn to listen to it and trust it. Then you’ll be able to quiet the noise from everyone else.
“The meaning of life is whatever you ascribe it to be. Being alive is the meaning.” ~ Joseph Campbell
After suffering a severe crisis, people often contemplate the ultimate meaning of life. After surviving the holocaust, Victor Frankl wrote Yes to Life: In Spite of Everything. After a different pandemic claimed two of her children, Mary Shelley wrote The Last Man which explored what makes life worth living. Walt Whitman wrote of this same question, after he suffered a paralyzing stroke.
These people knew suffering intimately. They didn’t try to forget. They didn’t try to pretend it never happened. They didn’t become embittered. Each one emerged from their crisis, with a valuable gift for the world. After allowing themselves time to fully experience their life, including the pain, they derived a sense of meaning from it. Then they bared their souls and we benefit today from their insights.
Doesn’t it feel like changes have been rolling in fast and furious, like the surf in a storm. If you work as a coach, no doubt you want to help your clients cope and be ready for change. How do you feel about change? As a coach, you most likely embrace it as a chance to experience something new and venture out past your comfort zone.
But what happens when something comes crashing out of left field, completely blindsiding us? We may be left floundering ourselves. How can we not only embrace change but be ready to make the most of it? If we’re not able to do this, how can we possibly help our clients? These are the questions we can not afford to ignore.