Maria Connolly, LPC
Auto-accommodating is an unconscious, compulsive habit of managing, fixing, or adjusting to the emotions and needs of people around you to avoid conflict or ensure your own safety and peace.
I’ve discovered during the past 20 years… something about brilliant, professional women. There’s a pattern that quietly follows these capable, thoughtful women through their lives.
Wanting to feed your ambition comes with a complicated emotional landscape, especially if you’re a woman. I believe what Anthony Trollope said, “It is a grand thing to rise in the world. The ambition to do so is the very salt of the earth.” Yet that ambition can feel surprisingly conflicted.
You may feel a deep pull to grow, lead, create something meaningful, or expand your influence. At the same time, you notice hesitation and doubts creeping in. Will people think I’m too much? Am I ready for this level of responsibility? What if I fail?
Are you drawn to the Olympics? There’s something captivating about watching an athlete stand at the starting line after years of training, setbacks, injuries, and near misses. We see the medal moment. We rarely see the quiet failures that shaped it. Yet, these winners have learned to live the mindset that every failure leads to success. How can we tap into this same Olympic secret?
We know how failure feels in our bodies. It’s a heavyhearted feeling that makes us sink, shrink, and pull in. It’s sweaty palms, nauseous stomach, and heat that radiates from our core to our face. Too often, we relive the embarrassment and discouragement over and over again. Therefore, many people try to avoid failure at all costs.
She burst into tears in the grocery store parking lot. Nothing dramatic had happened. No bad phone call. Just one more headline. One more unexpected expense. One more decision. “It feels like everything’s working against me. Even my body!” Ellen said. “I feel flat and completely exhausted.” If that sounds familiar, please hear this first: there is nothing wrong with you. What you may be experiencing is collective stress, the accumulated strain of living in uncertain times where the pressure is not just personal, but cultural, economic, and relational. Yes, your nervous system is activated, but you can learn to work WITH your body, to not only cope, but thrive.
Right now, many women are carrying accumulated stress and are living in a constant state of emotional activation. Deadlines, family demands, unstable systems, relationship stress, financial pressure, endless information streams, plus a background pressure to keep holding it together. It adds up. You may feel like you’re handling everything on the outside while quietly carrying a storm on the inside. But what really is causing this emotional overload, and how can you learn to master your emotions rather than them being the master over you?