Blog

How to Get the Life You’ve Always Wanted

Written by Maria Connolly. Posted in Mindfulness.

Do you love your life so much that you greet each day with excitement and anticipation? Would you like to increase the quality of your life so that you do? How do you get the life you’ve always wanted?

We all experience set backs. The usual human response to being disappointed or afraid is to disconnect from your dream, telling yourself, “It’s not for me. It’s not meant to be.” Nevertheless, you have to be willing to risk failing and experience disappointment as you strive to achieve your goals. Otherwise, you won’t step out of your comfort zone because it seems too scary.

Raise your expectations back up to living life passionately. Continually strive for your peak experience that makes you happy and satisfied. Despite whatever challenges you face, you CAN get the life you’ve always wanted.

Positive results come from deliberate action. If you immediately apply the exercise I’m teaching you today, and you practice it daily, you’ll get results that will reinforce your beliefs that you CAN make your dreams come true. In turn, each win will be the foundation for new habits that eventually will create the life you’ve always wanted. You’ll see that you can learn to derive the maximum value from each experience.

The exercise that creates greater awareness and regulates your desires.

In full disclosure, I learned this wonderful exercise from Tony Robbins. For it to work, you must fully and actively participate. It can’t be just a reading exercise. The goal is to learn to rate all of your experiences as you use your power of thought and your sense of feeling.

Step 1: See how things really are. Be honest with yourself about your present situation.

Step 2: Be committed to finding value in everything you experience, even the hard things in life. Always ask yourself, “How can I make the most of this situation?”

Step 3: Learn to rate your desire. Right now, select ONE item (try a piece of food) and focus on only it. On a scale of minus 10 (the most repulsive thing in the world) to plus 10 (I have to have it NOW!) where would you rate your desire for that thing? This targets a quality of feeling or sensation that you’re going to work on.

Step 4: Incrementally increase your desire by asking yourself the following questions…

If my desire is at +4, what would make me want this at a higher level, say +6? Seriously. What thoughts and feelings will you have to concentrate on to make you want it a little bit more? Keep thinking about it and looking at it until your desire actually increases.
Now take it up a notch to desire level +8. What would make this item even more desirable to you? What do you have to think and feel to make it even more appealing?
Finally, take it all the way up to desire level +10. What did you feel and think to make it absolutely irresistible, so that you have to have it NOW?

It’s time to break that state of urgency, because we’re not done. Get up and walk away and think of something else until you can come back and continue.

Step 3: Incrementally decrease your desire by asking yourself the following questions…

What would make this item a little less desirable? What are you thinking and feeling to change your desires? Continue to work your way down the scale until your reach minus 10. Don’t give up until you feel repulsed by the object.

Step 4: Bring your desire level back up to the range of plus 4.

We all have different patterns of thinking. Some people use their imagination and add something to it to make it seem less desirable, like mentally adding salsa to that glass of red wine. Others change their focus and start thinking of consequences, like lying sick in a hospital bed because of eating the item. Others seek distractions.

Did you notice your pattern of thinking? When you create greater awareness around how YOU think and feel about any object or activity, you gain control over your desires. You’ll utilize patterns that work, and know when to interrupt patterns that don’t work.

You can create extraordinary experiences any time by consciously deciding how you want to think and feel before you engage in the activity. You learn to target a sensation, measure its desirability, and take conscious control of your emotional state by determining your pattern of thinking. Always ask yourself, “What is the quality of experience I want in this situation? What conditions must I create in myself, in other people, and in my environment to achieve it?”

Awareness gives you the freedom of choice and control over what you think and how you feel. You get to decide what everything means to you. To delve deeper into getting the life you’ve always wanted, please do these two things:

Print out a copy of The Neways Wheel of Life.
Download your free copy of The 7-Point Body Wellness Assessment and do this exercise with one item per each point. You’ll be amazed at how your life changes.

Don’t Let Fear Stop You from Fully Enjoying a Rich and Satisfying Life

Written by Maria Connolly. Posted in Fearless Mindset.

Don’t you admire a fearless person – one who steps up and does the things you only wish you had the strength to do? Maybe it’s someone who speaks with ease in front of thousands, or happily travels to new places and fits in to every culture they encounter, or someone who reveals their deepest emotions without fear of rejection and has the most awesome relationships. Actually, if you talked with them, they’d tell you they have fears too. The difference is they’ve embraced the advice, “Don’t let fear stop you”. This is good news, because it means that you can too!

Granted, some fears protect you. Other fears are irrational. It’s your choice as to how you deal with your irrational fears. You can either let those fears box you in to a limiting life that immobilizes you from achieving your full potential. Or, ideally, you don’t let fear stop you because you’ve learned to non-judgmentally observe your emotions and face each fear. The second option allows you to view it as an opportunity to consciously choose to live more expansively.

Don’t let fear stop you from fully enjoying the life you want to live. Here are five ways to deal with fears so you can reach your potential for happiness…

Suspend self-criticism that you are “less than” and alone. Do you have one of these phobias: Ablutophobia (fear of washing or bathing), Bibliophobia (fear of books), Cacophobia (fear of ugliness), or Pteronophobia (fear of feathers)? From A to Z, there are literally hundreds of phobias that grip people today. You’re not alone. Don’t let yourself feel isolated or think you’re weird. You might even feel better knowing others deal with fears more severe than you.

Fears can be overcome one small step at a time.As you take one small step toward conquering your fear, you can become more comfortable. What you thought would happen, doesn’t. As you ease into it, you’ll prove to yourself that your fears were groundless. For example, you learn that your heart isn’t going to stop if you speak in front of a crowd.

Change your emotional focus and view it as an opportunity to grow. Look beyond your fear and see the improvements waiting for you – increased self-confidence, healthier personal relationships, happiness, even greater wealth and professional status. Shifting your focus away from the fearful feeling robs it of its power, because you’re no longer feeding it.

Realize how much your imagination is involved. Neale Donald Walsch says that fear is an acronym for ‘False Evidence Appearing Real.’ This is closely connected to tip number 2. Your imagination magnifies your fear. You begin to rationalize your actions. You say, “I can’t do that because…” The excuse may sound reasonable on the surface. However, underneath it all the irrational fear has no basis in truth. Our imaginings may feel real, but they aren’t. Often our fears are based in our own insecurities. Those who excel learn that taking risks and stepping outside their comfort zone is a way of life that they become comfortable with.

We learn through failure. Fear of failure seems to be the most common fear. Yet, failure isn’t something to be avoided. It gives us an opportunity to see our strengths and our weakness so we can mindfully focus on the area that needs improvement. Everyone fails. The difference is whether you pick yourself up, brush yourself off, and keep trying, because it’s the end results that matter in the long run. Failure is just part of the learning and growing process.

Learning to observe your emotions mindfully and adopting a positive state is a skill that will help you succeed in conquering your fears. I’m not saying it will be easy. I am encouraging you to not give up, because you have so much potential for experiencing a richer life. Don’t let fear stop you! I’d love to help you reach your potential for excellence, so please contact me and we can work together in person in Ashland, Oregon or if you live too far away we can work via Skype.

Body Sensations Reveal How Your Emotions Affect You Somatically

Written by Maria Connolly. Posted in Somatic Coaching.

“Our sensations are the original language of the body.” ~ Amanda Blake

Is your body talking to you?

Are you listening to its whispers?

Or do you wait until it screams?

Learning to slow down and listen to your body isn’t just about feeling the aches and pains of over exertion. It involves discovering how you actually feel emotionally about something.

Your emotional health and physical health are intertwined and inseparable. Your emotions are experienced and stored in your body. And they are manifested through body sensations. Breathless, clammy, fuzzy, hot, heavy, dizzy, queasy, or shaky are a few body sensations you may experience when you’re angry or stressed. Energized, full, expansive, smooth, and radiating are a few body sensations you may experience when you’re joyful and confident.

It’s within your body that you’ll discover the key to unlocking your emotional intelligence. In other words, emotions live inside your body, changing your physical experience and causing you to believe and act in particular ways. One moment you’re happy (emotion) on top of the world, so you’re feeling spacious and light in the chest (body sensations). Then someone says something that makes you feel anxious (emotion). It feels like your world is caving in, your shoulders slump and you feel deflated and dull (body sensations).

Conversely, by changing your posturing, you can alleviate these body sensations and alter your emotional experience. If you’re feeling shy and uncertain, you can breathe deeply, soften and straighten your spine, lift your head and look people in their eyes. The more you practice this, the more it will be your natural response and your emotions will change to feeling more confident and self-assured.

The concept, embodied cognition, says every thought/ideal is connected with an emotion which, in turn, has a physiological response in your body. Reflect on how the energy of shyness makes you feel small and act withdrawn. Sadness feels heavy, like the weight of the world is on your shoulders. Anger feels hot and stormy. Excitement feels energizing.

Tune into your emotions and identify each sensation as you experience it. Honor the messages that your body is sending you about your feelings. Don’t try to override them. Suspend any judgment of them. Simply observe them for what they are.

Do you want to become more balanced and centered? Here are some simple ways to get better acquainted with how your body responds to emotions. Observe what body sensations and emotions manifest as you do each of the following:

Regular exercise. It’s been proven to reduce stress, boost your “feel good” endorphins, enhance your self-confidence, sharpen your thinking ability, ground you, and inspire creativity.

Now add another dimension to your exercise sessions – an emotional one. Are you feeling anxious? Channel your anxiety into the physical act of exercise and release it. Invite all of your feelings, whether you view them as positive or negative, to come through your movement.

Improve your posture. Sitting in a slumped, helpless position invites thoughts and memories to manifest. Sitting in an upright, powerful position invites empowerment thoughts and memories.

Eating healthfully for your body type. Everyone has a unique biochemistry which greatly influences brain chemistry and emotional state. What you choose to fuel this system will be determined by your metabolism, blood type, genetic history, and activity level. Of course, we all have basic needs for fresh, nutrient-rich, whole foods.

Deep breathing. It improves your physical health and helps you remain calm under stressful situations. Also Alternate Nostril Breathing can help you achieve balance and harmony.

The key to controlling your emotions is developing an awareness of exactly WHERE you feel them, HOW they feel in your body, and in WHAT healthy ways you can process them. Somatic Coaching can help you become between attuned to what your body is telling you. Contact me and let’s schedule a session that will transform you life.

And if you need help listening to your body, make sure to click here to download your free copy of The 7-Point Wellness Assessment – Create Change Through Awareness.

Embodied Learning – A Lifelong Practice that Leads to Excellence and Mastery

Written by Maria Connolly. Posted in Embodied Leadership, Emotional Intelligence.

“By my actions teach my mind.” ~ William Shakespeare

Learning doesn’t stop when you finish your schooling. As the world has become more connected we are required to continually learn new skills and adapt to change. This takes great flexibility in our thinking. Yet this raises an important question: Is thinking enough to achieve mastery and excellence? No, and here’s why…

Do you really know ‘how to learn’?

Perhaps your style of learning has been to memorize facts intellectually until you take a test or do a task, and then you quickly forget it. Or perhaps you “know” a topic but never put it into practice, let alone master it.

Honestly, would you book Carnegie Hall for your daughter’s piano recital if she had only looked at a music book? No, a master pianist has years of practice to train the mind (to gain the skill), the body (to gain the dexterity) and the spirit (to gain the confidence) to cooperate together harmoniously. Mastery, through embodied learning, requires all three – the mind, the body, and the spirit.

Learning with the Mind. The educational system traditionally teaches the mind. As a result, many people stay stuck because they theoretically know what they should do, but they feel overwhelmed or are distracted by the next “bright, shiny object” that comes along. There’s too much information for any of us to process. We’re moving at a speed that demands immediate action.

In order to master a skill, it’s vital to stay connected as you embody your higher purpose and remain focused on what’s important. This requires…

Learning with the Spirit. Over time we establish a characteristic mood. People can see us as cheery or brooding, positive or negative, and helpful or closed-minded to give a few examples. People will either be repelled or attracted by our mood.

Emotions, on the other hand, come and go as situations change. However, if you’re not skilled in resolving your emotions they take on a life of their own and become a mood. For example, if you don’t effectively deal with your sadness and loss, it may become a mood of depression.

Your emotions and moods shape the way you learn. If you’re negative, and self-defeating, your learning and productivity will suffer, regardless of how skilled you are. On the other hand, if you’re open and curious you’ll be receptive to learning and increase your creative and innovative skills.

Learning with the Body. To manage your own emotions (not repressing them or becoming victims of them) you must approach them from a somatic perspective. How you organize your body produces certain moods and emotions, both positive and negative.

The body never lies. You may say you’re ready for a presentation to a room full of clients, because you know your material inside and out. But when you stand in front of them and you stammer and stutter and forget key points, your body is telling the truth – that you aren’t ready emotionally.

Embodied learning means there’s a congruency between your intellectual thoughts, emotional state and your body organization. And you only achieve this harmony through practice. For example, when you learn to model confidence behavior, you’ll feel confident. And as you repeatedly practice it, you will become confident. You will have learned this new skill so well you embody it in all you do. It will come to you easily. As you perform these actions in a graceful manner, people will see you as a master of your craft.

Are you seeing areas in your own life that can benefit from embodied learning? I would be pleased to partner with you as you discover how to become more mindful and aware in your approach to life. Please contact me and we can schedule a time to work together in person or via Skype.

How to Use Emotional Intelligence Training to Be an Influential Leader

Written by Maria Connolly. Posted in Emotional Intelligence.

I love this quote from William Arthur Ward, “The mediocre teacher tells. The good teacher explains. The superior teacher demonstrates. The great teacher inspires.”

I think it applies to leading as well as to teaching. Whether you’re trying to inspire your clients, your employees or your children, understanding emotional intelligence training is vital for your success. Emotional intelligence training might sound intimidating but it isn’t difficult once you understand the fundamentals for behavioral change.

What does emotional intelligence training include? Here are the three stages, which include fifteen steps that you can use to motivate your clients, employees, children or others to become more emotionally in tune with themselves, others, and the world around them.

Stage One: Preparation and Motivation

Assess the job. Without knowing what the job involves, you won’t know what competencies are needed.

Assess the individual. Before you know what needs to be improved, you must know the person’s strengths and limitations.

Deliver assessments with care. Before giving your assessment, think about the impact your words will have on the hearer.

Gauge readiness. Not everyone is at the same level or stage in life, so determine if the person is ready to hear and work with you.

Motivate. Change comes when people want it and to achieve this you must motivate them at a higher level to overcome their reluctance to participate.

Make change self-directed. People learn at their own rate and only when they see the need. So tailor training according to what they want to work on at this moment, helping them link their goals with their personal values.

Stage Two: Education and Support

Focus on clear, manageable goals. Show them clearly what’s required to accomplish a goal.

Give performance feedback. Self-awareness and insight are keys to creating lasting change, yet these are often the pieces that are missing. By giving sincere, well-deserved commendation and points to work on, you’re helping the person create this self-awareness. And when they learn to recognize what pushes their buttons – gaining insight into what irritates and annoys them – they’re able to learn how to control their emotions.

Rely on experiential methods. “Repetition is the mother of retention” so the more they can actively practice the desired pattern of thought, feeling and action the faster and easier the new habits will become engrained in the brain.

Arrange support. Continual mentoring accelerates motivation and accomplishment, so establishing a buddy system is vital.

Provide models. We learn best by watching others, so show them how it’s done by providing good role models, including yourself. An embodied leader wants to model the desired behavior. In order to impact the lives of others, you work on exhibiting congruence in all aspects of your life. This gives you credibility, which is so critical for gaining the trust of your clients or employees. Fairness, respect, and humility, will bring out their best.

Prevent relapse. Everyone has bad day, so have reasonable expectations and be prepared to handle the downs as well as the ups, and give ample opportunities to practice the new skills.

Stage Three: Transformation and Evaluation

Encourage use of the new skill. Create a new environment with visual and verbal cues that reminds your clients to use what they’ve learned.

Reinforce change. Strengthen and support each person as they achieve new skills and levels of emotional competency.

Evaluate. To see progress you must have a measuring stick to assess it against. To keep them motivated, let them clearly see how far they’ve progressed.

Never think it’s too late to incorporate emotional intelligence training in your private practice, workplace or home. While it doesn’t happen overnight, you can alter deeply engrained habits and social behavior through retraining the brain and body.

If you’re a coach wanting to hone your emotional intelligence training skills or a CEO wanting to improve EI in the workplace, or an individual who want to excel personally, feel free to contact me for help in setting up your emotional intelligence training program.

Blog

Continually grow as a person and find your work/life balance

How to Get the Life You’ve Always Wanted

Don’t Let Fear Stop You from Fully Enjoying a Rich and Satisfying Life

Body Sensations Reveal How Your Emotions Affect You Somatically

Embodied Learning – A Lifelong Practice that Leads to Excellence and Mastery

How to Use Emotional Intelligence Training to Be an Influential Leader

Let's get started with 30 free minutes

How to Step Forward to a Future You've Created

DOWNLOAD YOUR FREE INTRO TO STEPPING FORWARD TODAY!