As a somatic coach, I’ve seen how being in tune with your mind, body and spirit in every aspect of life is key to feeling fulfilled. This is true when it comes to your sex life as well. Intimacy in marriage, or in your committed partnership, only happens when you’re able to connect with your partner on deeply satisfying mental, physical and spiritual levels.
But perhaps more than any other area of life it’s easy to put up with a ho-hum, status quo sex life, especially if you’ve been together a long time. And if you’re a woman it can be difficult to know what to do about this, since we’ve been culturally taught over millennia to take a more passive approach to our sexuality.
Let’s explore the different aspects of a healthy sex life and then see what you can do to increase the intimacy with your partner, which will spice up your sex life, without feeling guilty!
Sex begins in your brain. The brain is involved in all aspects of sexual behavior including desire, arousal and orgasm. Researches are using neuroimaging to study human sexual behavior. Not surprisingly they found that women are sexually more complex creatures. However, they also found many similarities between the sexually aroused brain of men and women. Click here to read more on this brain study.
In the beginning of a sexual relationship when romance is at it’s highest it’s easy to fantasize the ideal sexual encounter. In a committed relationship it takes more effort. You can get your brain in gear by looking for the positive in your partner – whether s/he is particularly kind or s/he has the sexiest smile. Another strategy is to be adventurous and try something new. Our brains release sexual hormones when we try a new activity so plan a special surprise for your partner and your own desire will ignite.
This aspect of sexuality may seem obvious but sometimes we forget how much can be communicated through touch. Women often need to feel intimate through conversation, and while that is valid and deserves a place in a relationship, don’t forget what you can communicate through your body.
Look for opportunities to touch your partner throughout the day, not just in sexual interludes. Touch them as you pass by in the hall, give them a hug, rub their hair after a long day… It’s amazing the amount of reassurance touch can give a relationship. And in the bedroom you may want to occasionally practice absolute silence to force you to transmit all your feelings through touch.
It’s important to acknowledge that your sex life is a foundational aspect of your relationship. If it weren’t, you’d simply be friends, not partners. Your spirit is what leads to eroticism or sex imbued with meaning, romance and desire.
Start to view sex as sacred. You might already set aside time to meditate, pray or attend religious services so don’t be afraid to set aside “sacred” time to devote to your sex life. It’s easy to think that there’s always tomorrow night, but if you view your sex life as a sacred commitment, you’ll look forward to it and you’ll give it the 100% attention it deserves.
When you get your mind, body and spirit involved, sex can be a fun, satisfying and important way to keep a relationship vital.
Unfortunately, many people are afraid of intimacy on some levels, so their relationships get hung up on sexual challenges. Which is why Nando Raynolds and I have decided to co-facilitate, “Love, Sex & Intimacy: Getting Your Heart’s Desire,” a forum for men and women to come together. Join us to exchange some frank talk about sex and deepen your skills, compassion and understanding. We’ll be meeting online Thursday, February 16th, 2017, 6:30-8:00pm and in-person Saturday, February 18th, 2017, 10am-1pm & 2-5pm. Please contact me to register to attend.