Author: Maria Connolly

Principles of Aikido Empower Embodied Leaders to be Calm under Crisis

Written by Maria Connolly. Posted in Controlling Stress, Embodied Leadership, Fearless Mindset, Life Skills, Private Practice Advice, Somatic Coaching.

Would you like to fully develop your potential for leadership? The principles of Aikido (The Way of Harmony or Peace) can help you. Aikido is a unique form of martial arts that emphasizes the blending of energy, rather than resisting it or attacking. It lets you peaceably deal with conflict by taking the energy directed at you and neutralizing it or diverting it. Aikido helps you be extremely calm, focused, and effective in the midst of chaos. In the process you learn to handle yourself around others with confidence and it gives you a powerful presence as an embodied leader.

Aikido heightens your sense of the mind/body connection. It strengthens your capacity to find and maintain a sense of calm while staying vigilantly aware. You develop an alert relaxation that appears to be very still but is highly engaged with your surroundings. With practice, you can become very stable AND ready to move with 100% of your power at will.

What principles of aikido serve business leaders best in today’s high-stress, high-demand world?

Be balanced and centered. If you feel like you’re under attack, you’re out of balance and are possibly operating from a place of disrespect or distrust. Instead of giving in to the fight or flight response or freezing up, you can use centering and breathing techniques that promote emotional calmness and mental alertness that enable you to respond gracefully to even the most stressful situations. The loss of a centered mind results in loss of balance as you instinctively start to fight for control. A centered and balanced mind doesn’t need to fight, control, or dominate.

Be calm. Many business leaders get caught up in reacting emotionally to everything, living in drama so that they’re always putting out fires. You can deepen your mind’s capacity for calmness. If you feel calm, you can maintain calm under any circumstance. Aikido teaches you to get closer to your attacker and move in the same direction as he is, which may seem counterintuitive, but is a very powerful life skill for diffusing tense situations.

Be fully present and aware. Too many people are disconnected or distracted from the here and now because of worrying about the past or the future. Or they’re so busy thinking of what they’ll say next they aren’t listening to what’s being said. By becoming fully aware of the other person or of the situation, without being attached to a preconceived outcome, you can build a harmonious relationship with what’s happening. By doing so, you get out of your own way and develop the ability to access your intuitive self. You learn to succeed by surrendering.

Be open and adaptable. The fear of losing control in actuality spins a person out of control. Let the situation unfold without resisting. Rather than letting your mind lead you, learn how to lead your mind. Become comfortable with not knowing everything, which in turns opens you up to creative solutions that are best for everyone on your team.

Be proactive and responsible. While it’s easy to make excuses for why something doesn’t work, an embodied business leader takes responsibility, provides guidance and support as he or she start influencing others to do their best. For those who are painfully shy, introverted, and uncomfortable in social situations, the principles of aikido teach you to assert yourself in relationships without being aggressive. You learn to successfully lead a person, so that he or she willingly follows. This is an invaluable skill for you in your role as an embodied leader.

You have the tools to deal effectively with conflict within you. You just need to find them. Just as silence is always present even if there’s a great deal of noise going on around you, you can experience silence if you shut out the distractions and listen for it. In the same way, you have the capacity for peace and calm under all stressful situations. You just need to learn to access it.

When you achieve peace, no one is going to take it away from you. Only you can give your peace away. With that simple understanding, you know that conflict is not about you, it’s about them and their insecurities. By modeling your peace, you can diffuse sticky situations and improve not only your life but the lives of those around you.

Would you like to learn more about how a complete body/mind approach can help you excel in life and business as you step fully into your embodied leadership role? Contact me and I’d be happy to set up a somatic coaching session with you in person in Ashland, Oregon or via Skype. And don’t forget to get your free copy of “The 7-Point Body Wellness Assessment”, so you can build your life on a solid foundation.

Finding Your True Self – The Key to Embodied Leadership

Written by Maria Connolly. Posted in Embodied Leadership, Fearless Mindset, Life Skills, Private Practice Advice.

“Behind your thoughts and feelings, my brother, there stands a mighty commander, an unknown wise man— he is called Self. He lives in your body, he is your body. There is more reason in your body than in your best wisdom.” ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

Has there been an opportunity in your life where you know you should step up and take the lead? But you find yourself thinking, “That’s not me. I could never be a good leader.” If you’ve thought this, it may be time you invested some effort into finding your true self.

Now usually when people think of being true to themselves, they’re thinking of what comes easily to them, what is comfortable to them, what’s familiar, what they’re used to doing and being. That’s not what I’m referring to when I say finding your true self.

The truth is who you are today isn’t who you were last year, nor does it have to be who you will become tomorrow. Much of who you are – your strengths, weaknesses, desires, and ambitions – may be attributed to genetics and the surroundings you grew up in. Yet you don’t have to be bound by the whole nature-versus-nurture debate. Because beyond those factors, is the empowering truth that you have the greatest gift of choice. You can choose to become whoever you want to be.

So it would be a mistake to limit yourself by self-imposed boundaries. Being your authentic self means embracing what and who you are now AND actively unlocking the full potential of what and who you can dynamically become through mindful, personal growth. And not just doing this as a brain exercise but with a somatic approach, as you create a greater awareness of how your thoughts guide your body to act and respond. This awareness allows you to be present in the reality of now, but also unlocks the potential for choosing a better, more fully developed way to be.

Finding your true self is on ongoing process. We shape ourselves through the self-narrative process – the stories we tell ourselves and others.

To illustrate this simply…

If you tell yourself you’re fearful, you’ll tense your muscles, your vocal cords will tighten, and your teeth will clench. And no matter how hard you try to hide it, it still shows. However, if you tell yourself you’re safe, you relax. People around you can sense what’s going on within your inner self, your authentic self.

We’ve all seen leaders who have people eating out of their hands. How do they do that? Well, charismatic leaders have mastered a way to manipulate the emotions without delivering genuine substance. That’s a here today, gone tomorrow approach.

Embodied leaders, on the other hand, have the heart to connect with people on their level, building rapport and trust as they deliver value and substance. Their whole demeanor – their facial expressions, their words, the tone of voice, their body language – exudes confidence, helpfulness, and trustworthiness. Yet did you realize they are also feeling the fear and anxiety that you do? That’s part of the human experience.

Embodied leaders have learned that being your authentic self means being aware of these conflicting emotions and owning them, balancing them, resolving them, as you choose the ones that serve you in any particular situation. That choice leads you to acknowledging those feelings to the group and then consciously using your body to reveal feelings that your audience needs to see. Yes, you are fearful. But you chose courage and determination to be your dominant attitude. So through employing somatic techniques your body relaxes, opens up and connects with them.

Creating an authentically, embodied leadership through finding your true self involves primarily three things:

Being vulnerable enough to expose your real self without fear of rejection, knowing that expressing vulnerability fully engages with and establishes trust.
Being present without blame and relating to others as you inquire of their feelings, values, and strengths, thereby seeing the best in them, that their motives and desires are good.
Being strong enough to stand up for your values, while making executive choices, putting personal preferences aside, so as to benefit the group as a whole.

If you’re still saying, “That’s not me”, but deep down you’re saying, “I wish it was me”, then never stop searching for how you can expand, refine and dig deeper into your potential. Try out new ways of being as you continue finding your true self. You don’t have to make this journey alone. I would love to work with you. Contact me and we can work in-person if you can commute to Ashland, Oregon. Or we can work together via Skype. Nothing is unattainable for you, when you try.

Embodied Leadership – How to Bring Out the Best in You and Everyone Around You

Written by Maria Connolly. Posted in Embodied Leadership.

“We don’t need leaders who know about leadership. We need leaders who embody the capacity to lead in the midst of ambiguity and complexity.” ~ Pete Hamill

Does it feel like something is missing from the way dictionaries define leadership – “someone who guides, directs, controls, manages, or supervises a group of people or an organization”? People may comply when they are controlled or managed but it doesn’t create a team environment that fosters a synergy where, as a group, you accomplish greater things than you ever could as individuals.

If that synergy – which brings out the best in yourself and others – is what you’re interested in, then I’d like to introduce you to embodied leadership. It involves the way you speak, the language you use, the way you position your body, the harmony you feel by being fully present, and the calming and reassuring messages you convey to others. Ultimately, it’s about the quality of your presence and your way of being. When you practice embodied leadership you’re able to value, motivate, and bring out the best in yourself and the people around you.

Embodied leadership isn’t something you do – it’s who you are. By learning to connect the mind with the body and soul, and to lead with purpose, you can “lead at a deeper levels of self-awareness, developing your abilities to be the leader you want to be, and achieving what you are committed to achieving,” as stated by Pete Hamill. (He’s the author of Embodied Leadership – The Somatic Approach to Leadership, a book I highly recommend).

Somebody who embodies leadership in all aspects of life has a clear vision for how she wants her life to be – her personal life, her family, her home, and how she want to contribute to helping other people. It will make her a better wife, mother, friend, boss, advocate, or neighbor.

As women, we may tend toward feeling powerless at times and unable to compete in the world of male-dominated leadership. But you don’t need to compete. When you connect authentically with yourself, you can release the most important power any leader can have – not the power to dominate and control – but the power to build authentic relationships and empower others to make things happen. True leadership isn’t about barking out orders, but it’s the ability to sort out the chaos and come up with solutions that keeps the group moving forward.

How do you develop your embodied leadership potential?

Start by being more mindful of your body. For example, a 2010 study showed that open, expansive postures results in actual hormonal and neurochemical changes (testosterone elevates and cortisol, the stress hormone, lessens). And the subjects of the study gained a greater feeling of power and tolerance for risk, whether they were male or female. While contracted, closed postures had the opposite effect.

Becoming more comfortable in your own skin is the first step to embodied leadership. The somatic approach to leadership assists you in centering yourself. It gives you the awareness to see where you hold tension, and teaches you how to release it gently. It gives you the confidence and poise to stand up for what you believe to be true and important, so you can assert yourself without fear. If you’re ready to step into your own power more fully, I’d be happy to guide you. Contact me to learn more. We can work in person if you live near Ashland, Oregon, or via Skype if you live elsewhere.

This is the beginning of a series on Embodied Leadership. You'll find the next installments below.

Read related information on Embodied Leadership:

Develop Leadership Skills in Women Who Want to Make a Difference

Women in Leadership Who Excel Have High Emotional Intelligence

20 Amazing Benefits of Applying Embodied Leadership Principles to Your Relationships

Finding Your True Self – The Key to Embodied Leadership

Principles of Aikido Empower Embodied Leaders to be Calm under Crisis

How Embodied Leadership Succeeds Where Other Leadership Styles Fail

15 Highly Organized Characteristics of a Leader to Create a Lifestyle You Love

The Wheel of Life - Seven Steps to Creating a Truly Balanced Lifestyle

Written by Maria Connolly. Posted in Controlling Stress, Fearless Mindset, Health and Wellness, Life Coaching, Life Skills, Mindfulness.

Introducing The Neways Wheel of Life – Find Your Balance

“It’s not enough to be busy; So are the ants. The question is: What are we busy about?" ~ Henry David Thoreau

Work-Life Balance…can it really exist? There are millions of people searching for the answer to work-life balance. Since the issue of balance usually arises when one feels that something important is missing in life, this indicates that way too many people are unhappy. And shouldn’t it really be called Life-Work Balance anyway? Life is more important isn’t it?

If you don’t mind, I’d like to ask you:

How do you define balance in your life?
What might it look like when your life is truly balanced?

Some people look at life-work balance as a three-legged stool that needs all three legs for balance – the legs represent their physical, mental and spiritual needs. Yet this seems to oversimplify it because within those three categories are so many areas of life. And for many people, balance involves feeling like they have TIME, but don’t we all have the same amount of time? So there’s something needed that’s much deeper than just having time.

No matter what your definition of balance is, achieving a feeling of harmonious peace and happiness is really a matter of both internal and external balance.

If you’re internally balanced:

Your inner critic is in check and it operates more like a friendly coach.
You can methodically work on self-awareness – knowing yourself allows you to share the true you with others.
You have awareness of your values and always operating from them.
You check in periodically to make sure all inner parts are congruent and feel seen and listened to.
You have a balance between taking risks and stretching beyond comfort and pursuing what is quiet and familiar.

If you are externally balanced:

You will engage all areas of life (see The Wheel image below) that fit your lifestyle.
You surround yourself with social support.
You set boundaries.
You’re comfortable with saying, “NO”.

I’d like to share seven steps that you can take to achieve greater balance…

Define what balance is to you. Your definition will be uniquely yours.
Identify your values by using percentages: 15% fun, 10% travel, 25% family…to see how much you require of each to be happy in an ideal world.
Take care of basic needs: nutrition, water, sleep, exercise, vitamins and supplements.
Regularly visit a supportive therapist, coach, or mentor.
Make quality time for social contact.
Block out “alone time” to be introspective, using mindfulness to get to know yourself more deeply – what your wants, needs, preferences, personality traits, and quirks are.
Manage your energy not time! As the book, The Power of Full Engagement: Managing Energy, Not Time, Is the Key to High Performance and Personal Renewal, demonstrates, managing time is not the key. Instead, focusing on a balance of exertion and renewal helps youreach optimal performance.

Here is a tool for you to use in your quest for balance. It’s called The Neways Wheel of Life – Find Your Balance.

Click here to get your downloadable, printable PDF copy of the Neways Wheel.

This Wheel of Life is designed to visually help you develop your own definition and vision of a balanced life. Each wedge represents critical aspects of life: Friends & Family, Healthy & Wellbeing, Love & Intimacy, Career, Personal Growth & Learning, Life Vision & Purpose – Spiritual Fulfillment, Fun & Leisure, and Physical Environment.

From 1 to 10 how would you rate your satisfaction in each area of the Wheel of Life? (Please print a copy of THE Wheel of Life and fill it in with where you are right now. Keep it handy and check your progress regularly.) You’ll find that your numbers will vary. And that’s a good thing. Obtaining a perfect 10 in all categories is not the goal. Balance is not static. It’s like riding a bicycle. You only remain balanced if you keep moving forward. Remember, it’s the journey that counts. We never truly get to the destination, because our definition and vision of balance changes as we change throughout the years!

No matter where you begin, all the sections of your life are interconnected, just like the wedges on the Wheel of Life. It’s simply a matter of what you want to focus on first. If you’re craving a more balanced lifestyle, it might be time to enlist the help of a life coach who can help you fully utilize your Wheel of Life. Contact me, because I would love to work with you!

15 Highly Organized Characteristics of a Leader to Create a Lifestyle You Love

Written by Maria Connolly. Posted in Controlling Stress, Fearless Mindset, Health and Wellness, Life Skills, Mindfulness.

"Good order is the foundation of all things." ~ Edmund Burke

People who focus on excellence, like leaders and business coaches, know that their best performance starts with becoming highly organized and that “Clutter is a state of mind.” A cluttered space begets a muddled mind and vice-versa.

I have a confession: I’m unusually organized. Not only do I make my bed every morning, I also find a way to tidy up and declutter as I go. I partly inherited this from my mother. I suspect her neatness was a way to cope with stress and anxiety. I’m so glad this gave me a model for creating a simpler, clutter-free environment.

Being highly organized is not only a way to create pleasant spaces but also a strategy for doing anything in life. It means being clear about what you want, being able to prioritize, setting outcomes and the respective steps to make your way to the goal.

We can’t run around stressed all the time with a million things on our mind and expect to perform at our best. So…how are you going to change your lifestyle to one that’s more organized?

Take a look at the following highly organized characteristics that leaders cultivate. (You can do the same with daily, mindful attention.)

1. Be undistracted by uncluttering your mind. Learn to work through the daily stress in a way that let’s you forget it and move on. For some, the best method is a vigorous workout. Others like yoga, walking, or talking with a friend or professional. Personally, I love Crossfit, Archery, and Aikido.

2. Be proactive. If a task takes fewer than five minutes, do it! Pick it up, wipe it down, put it away. That way work doesn’t frustratingly pile up.

3. Be goal oriented. Create an environment that makes it easy to achieve your goals. It’s easier to let things go when they’re not attached to your goals.

4. Be optimistic. The can-do attitude keeps you on track. Focus on filling your mind with the positive things you can do, even if they seem small.

5. Be decisive. Wishy-washy gets you nowhere. Consider your options, pick the best one and work it to the best of your ability without looking back.

6. Be imperfect. Don’t become immobilized in the minutia of the details. It’s never going to be perfect, so determine when it’s good enough and move on.

7. Be list, calendar, and container oriented. Make a place for everything, and put everything in its place. This applies to physical items and routinely scheduled events. You’ll know where it is when you need it and you’ll know if you have a slot open in your schedule for invitations and requests. Capturing your ideas in a detailed list of tasks frees up your mental energy. Referring to your list and calendar often keeps you on-task. This helps you foresee any potential conflicts that might interfere with your goals.

8. Be able to say, “No.” When you know exactly what you want, it’s easier to turn down invitations and requests that don’t fit into your goals.

9. Be prepared. Know how much time you have to complete a project and leave enough time, including a cushion for unexpected occurrences, to do it.

10. Be focused. Avoid multi-tasking. It’s better to protect your time by shutting out distractions and focusing on doing one task at a time.

11. Be aware of your strengths and play to them. Define how you want to live your life such as how you want your home to look, how you want to dress, how you spend your time. This makes it easier to set goals and accomplish them. Do your most taxing work when you’re alert and energized.

12. Be willing to ask for help. Trying do it all yourself only causes more stress. Respect your most valued resource – time – and use it wisely.

13. Be content. Just because you see something beautiful you don’t need to possess it. Just because it’s on sale, it’s not a good deal if you don’t really need it.

14. Be in love with what you own and do. Everything need to be cared for and maintained whether these are relationships, skills, or possessions. Streamline your focus to the place where you can thrive.

15. Be choosy. Don’t attach sentimental value to everything you own. For example, just because you inherit your parents’ furniture, it’s okay to pass it on to someone else if it doesn’t fit your lifestyle.

What I love about being highly organized is that it:

Saves time in the long run,
Lessens your stress because you’re not “playing catch-up”,
Makes you feel better about yourself,
Prepares you for everything,
Empowers you to say NO to excess and say YES to what you really want,
Energizes you as you stop procrastinating, and
Shifts your focus from quantity to quality.

Being organized is about striving for optimal effectiveness and maximum efficiency in any task. It is about feeling more in control, about the thrill of setting things up for success. Wouldn’t you love the freedom to be exactly who you’re meant to be as you enjoy each moment of life? Becoming organized can get you there! Contact me and let’s work together on ways that empower you to make lasting change. I’m looking forward to hearing from you!

Author: Maria Connolly

Principles of Aikido Empower Embodied Leaders to be Calm under Crisis

Finding Your True Self – The Key to Embodied Leadership

Embodied Leadership – How to Bring Out the Best in You and Everyone Around You

The Wheel of Life - Seven Steps to Creating a Truly Balanced Lifestyle

Introducing The Neways Wheel of Life – Find Your Balance

15 Highly Organized Characteristics of a Leader to Create a Lifestyle You Love

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