Maria Connolly, LPC
Sometimes, we want something to work so badly we end up overextending ourselves almost to the point of breaking. Some people call it bending over backward for someone. You’ve been there, right? At the time, the situation seems to demand that you keep giving just to maintain a semblance of peace.
Part of being human is going through different phases of life. As children, we’re dependent on our parents. Then in the adolescent years, we push for a more autonomous position. Then finally as adults, we learn to become interdependent.
However, whether by nature or nurture, a person may not fully evolve as he or she has the potential to do. Because our society values independence to a fault, often individuals aren’t taught or don’t learn skills to develop interdependent relationships.
One of the most emotionally charged subjects you’ll ever talk with your clients about is how their past affects their present. When it comes to making peace with the past, it’s the hurtful aspects of the past that keep us stuck. It’s especially a problem when people continue to punish themselves, attach harmful meanings to past events, or perhaps see no meaning at all.
You can use the following outline to help you talk candidly with your clients about this emotionally painful topic. In this way, they can begin the healing process.
Most of us would never tell our best friend, “Oh, you’re so stupid”, yet we may beat ourselves up with demeaning self-talk. The sad reality is that most people have never learned to treat themselves with the kindness and patience they have learned to bring to others.
We all need to hear that we have permission to be good to ourselves. Giving yourself and your clients the key to self-compassion is empowering, because it clears away hidden misconceptions that you may not even know are lurking in your subconscious.
Keeping commitments — love it or hate it? Perhaps you know someone like Nora? She’s really good at keeping her promises to other people. The kids need a ride to the game…she’s on it! Hubby needs a tool from the hardware store, she’s rushing to get it. Never missing an appointment, she’s known for being dependable, helpful, and loving. But…there’s someone she routinely ignores and mistreats…herself…and she knows it, as her journal entry testifies: