Stop Beating Yourself Up! 5 Powerful Self-Compassion Truths Revealed

Most of us would never tell our best friend, “Oh, you’re so stupid”, yet we may beat ourselves up with demeaning self-talk. The sad reality is that most people have never learned to treat themselves with the kindness and patience they have learned to bring to others. 

We all need to hear that we have permission to be good to ourselves. Giving yourself and your clients the key to self-compassion is empowering, because it clears away hidden misconceptions that you may not even know are lurking in your subconscious.

What is self-compassion? It’s your ability to treat yourself with kindness and understanding and being able to motivate yourself effectively to do what you decide to do. Hence, the skill of self-empathy is deeply related to issues of self-motivation. To have power, you must treat yourself with respect and compassion.

Your self-compassion or self-empathy, or lack thereof, was no doubt largely established as a child. Most people have learned to have such a strong “inner critic” that they can’t stop beating themselves up and this makes the relationship among their sub-personalities harsh and judgmental.

You can stop beating yourself up when you debunk these 5 self-compassion myths:

1) The myth: “If I show self-compassion I’m being too self-indulgent.”

Not true! Self-indulgent means you get everything you want without thinking of the consequences, like eating a pound of chocolate because you’re stressed. This only numbs and denies your pain. 

The truth: Self-compassion, on the other hand, creates greater awareness of the pain and nurtures your health. So for example, when you know you’re stressed you take extra time for lunch, go for a walk, meditate or connect with a close friend.

2) The myth: “Self-compassion is for sissies.”

Absolutely not! It takes strength to be honest with yourself and admit your needs. You don’t have to tough it out to excel. 

The truth: Awareness of your strengths and limitations through self-compassion allows you to find wellsprings of strength that support you as you reach out past your comfort zone and accomplish wondrous things.

3) The myth: “Self-compassion is too scary because it makes me feel vulnerable.”

There’s no denying that revealing long-held feelings will put you out of your comfort zone. Feeling vulnerable is simply an indicator to take it slow and be careful about who you reveal yourself to. It, however, is not supposed to be a signal to hold it all in and keep it to yourself.

The truth: Letting people know your deepest feelings and needs can be frightening at first, but it’s also liberating, because it opens you up to love, forgiveness and acceptance without holding onto the outcome.

4) Myth:  “Self-compassion will make me lazy. I won’t get anything done if I’m not hard on myself.”

This is so not true! You’ll accomplish more and do it better! Self-punishment stems from fear of failure, so you beat yourself up if you don’t feel like you succeeded, which only makes you feel more insecure. Perfectionism is a real enemy of self-compassion, which supports heartfelt motivation that tells you what you do is your best.

Truth: Self-compassion lets you examine a situation without judgment. Telling yourself that you’ve done the best you can in the circumstances frees you to see where you can and will do better in the future. 

5) Myth: “Self-compassion will make me self-absorbed and narcissistic.”

We are interconnected and we have to take care of ourselves so we have the energy to take care of others.

Truth: Self-compassion helps you to see yourself realistically in relation to the world and others. You see that suffering and failure is a universal experience. You’re no better and no worse than anyone else. You are enough.

A key way to stop beating yourself up is to begin treating yourself as you would your best friend. Ask yourself: “Would I do that to my best friend? Would I say that to my best friend?” Only when you give yourself unconditional love, compassion, forgiveness, and acceptance are you finally able to give that to others.

Being “present” or “grounded” is a way of describing your internal state where you are accepting and compassionate with all your Parts. Although no one lives in this state, with practice you’ll be able to come back to it on purpose and more quickly.

If this information resonates with you and you’re ready to give your coaching clients (or yourself) more in-depth support and education, let’s connect. My passion as a Mentor and Coach is to empower women as they empower others. 

Thank you for the photo  Dave Lowe