Tag: Self-Confidence

Self confidence requires making subtle shifts in how you use your body as you create mindfulness and awareness that exponentially increases your ability to influence, listen, be resilient, manage stress, maintain energy and be more effective. Rather than numbing yourself to uncomfortable circumstances and powering through them, you can learn to mindfully choose to respond in a way that leaves you feeling whole and at peace.

Self-Assessment not Judgment Leads to Greater Self-Confidence

Written by Maria Connolly. Posted in Life Skills.

Have you ever wondered why some people seem to view life’s challenges confidently and in a positive light, while others struggle with negative reactions? The distinguishing factor is whether a person is assessing themselves and the situation or if they’re judging themselves and the situation. What’s the difference?

Assessing is viewing the situation objectively, seeing what happened, why it happened and learning from it and moving on with greater self-knowledge.

Judging is the limiting mindset of labeling yourself as a winner or a loser based on a standard that either you or someone else imposes on you.

When you have a winner/loser mindset, it creates a desperate need to continually achieve your goals based on the fear of not measuring up to a self-imposed, unrealistic standard. This leads to chronic stress of fear of failure or to the other extreme of becoming narcissistic and egotistical.

Let’s examine ten typical behaviors of people with low self-confidence and see how realistically assessing the situation without judgment can create greater self-confidence:

Underestimate their capabilities. Rather than immediately reacting with “I can’t”, calmly think about the desired outcome and see how your skills can accomplish the task. Remember you don’t have to do things like everyone else does. When you succeed by your unique style, you gain immense satisfaction and confidence.

Take the blame for everything. Rather than thinking, “If only I had done…” let others be responsible for their own actions. This actually dignifies them with freedom of choice. And if you are responsible in some way, make amends as best as you can by saying, “I’m sorry I made a mistake.” In many cases we just have to accept that we can’t fix everything.

Are overly self-critical. Our minds are quick to judge and criticize so rather than holding onto those stories, acknowledge them as judgments and let them go without getting caught up in them.

Take feedback from others as criticism. Rather than disengage from the experience and switch to negative thoughts, become more engaged in what the person is saying and sift out what is helpful to you.

Constantly focus and review past failures. Acknowledge each failure as helpful feedback, allow yourself to feel the emotions. Accept and learn from them as a valuable part of your experience.

Predict future failures. Rather than saying, “It never works or I always fail so why try”, approach each new situation with curiosity and enthusiasm as you eagerly look for the possibilities.

Focus on being perfect instead of being competent. Rather than thinking, “I can’t allow myself to make a mistake”, recognize that everyone makes mistakes. That’s how we learn. Don’t demand the impossible from yourself, and be happy you’re doing your best.

Are people-pleasers. Rather than seeking validation from others, it’s okay to say, “I’d really love to help you, but I have a prior commitment.” That commitment is your commitment to yourself to set boundaries so you don’t over extend yourself.

Isolates themselves. Rather than retreating into yourself when you’re hurt, be present in your feelings without judgment. Acknowledge them and own them without letting them alter the kind of life you want to live.

Stop learning. Rather than wondering if the other person thinks you’re boring, continue being excited about learning new things about the world around you, about the people in your life and about yourself. Your confidence will rise as you have interesting things to talk about.

Compare to others. Rather than comparing yourself to others, “I’m not as pretty as her or I’m not as smart as him”, think about the kind of man or woman you want to be – your ethics, your loyalty to friends and family, your honest and integrity and strive to be true to those ideals.

Self-acceptance, self-awareness and self-motivation will empower you to let go of self-judgments. Many people have found that private coaching and group coaching sessions helps them become more mindfully engaged in life. If you’re ready to stop judging and start assessing as you embrace this new way of being, please contact me and let’s talk.

Lack of Confidence – A Woman’s Greatest Challenge in Business

Written by Maria Connolly. Posted in Life Skills, Mindfulness, Private Practice Advice.

“Self-confidence is the first requisite to great undertakings.” ~ Samuel Johnson

Women have been trying to break through the glass ceiling for years. They struggle for equality in the workplace and in society. Historically women have played a supportive role. They’ve been the behind-the-scenes nurturers. In the business world, cultural and institutional barriers often define success or failure for businesswomen. Yet there’s an even bigger reason why women sometimes struggle to succeed. What is it? Many women lack confidence.

What is self-confidence? It’s the feeling of trusting your abilities, qualities and judgments. Many believe that self-confidence has to do with positive affirmations. Although, that is partly accurate, what truly builds confidence is experience – setting and achieving goals – thus building competence.

What makes so many women lack confidence? There are five basic reasons why women and men have lack of confidence:

Unrealistic expectations. Many people are perfectionists. To illustrate: a number of years ago, Hewlett-Packard discovered that women applied for a promotion only when they believed they met 100% of the qualifications. Men, on the other hand, applied when they felt they could meet 60% of the job requirements. If you wait to be perfect to reach for what you want, you’ll never get it! Your self-confidence comes from doing your best now. It’s a process of daily approximation. Start where you are!

Harsh, self-judgmental, negative thoughts running through our minds on an endless track. Some people feel they’re never good enough, never attractive enough, or never smart enough. Often this is a misguided attempt to improve their performance. Your thoughts have power. If you put yourself down, you’ll feel, well, down. The next time you hear negative talk in your head, ask yourself: How can I motivate myself to reach for what I want? Focus on an earlier accomplishment, be kind to yourself knowing that when you feel safe on the inside rather than under attack you will increase your motivation and perform better.

Preoccupation with fear. In the book, The Confidence Gap: A Guide to Overcoming Fear and Self Doubt, Russ Harris offers this wonderful advice, “Rather than trying to ‘get over’ your fears, form a new and wiser relationship with them. Paradoxically, it's only when we stop struggling against our fearfulness that we begin to find lasting freedom from it.” When you can peacefully embrace every one of your human emotions, including fear, as part of your daily occurrence, you’ll view life as a fascinating journey not something to dread. (I highly recommend this book as a valuable addition to your self help library.)

Lack of experience. There is no such thing as failure, only useful feedback! Feedback enables us to learn from our mistakes, refine our plan, change our behavior or adjust our priorities. Failure, on the other hand, erodes confidence, negatively impacts self-image and reduces our motivation to improve, which inevitably leads to low level of achievement. So, embrace "failure." Because if you are failing, you are learning and if you are learning, you are gaining experience. And experience is really what confidence is all about.

Lack of skill. Never stop learning. Learn something every day about your field, job, hobby or presentation – whatever you want to feel more confident about. Nowadays it's so easy to gain knowledge and information through YouTube tutorials, free online classes, mentoring. When you’re prepared, your self-confidence soars.

What can you do to build your self-confidence? Make an honest assessment of yourself. If you need to, ask a trusted friend to help you with this exercise. Make a list of all the things that have been gifted to you because people value you – close relationships, words of praise, loving gestures, kind deeds. Then make another list of your accomplishments that make you feel proud. Place these lists where you see them daily to remind yourself what an amazing person you are.

Isn’t it time that you stop missing out on opportunities in your life? I’m here to help you. Through private coaching and group coaching sessions you can embrace your fears and discover your inner strength as you reclaim confidence in yourself. Please contact me and let’s talk.

5 Times in Your Life When You Could Really Use a Life Coach

Written by Maria Connolly. Posted in Life Coaching.

“Performance, health and happiness are grounded in the skillful management of energy.” ~ Jim Loehr and Tony Schwartz from The Power of Full Engagement

Are you full of ideas of what you’d like to do, but you’re too tired and drained to accomplish them? Perhaps you keep coming up against the same roadblocks and you can’t find a way around them. To be successful in life and business you need the drive and energy to get things done.

There are two dangers to your energy that you must guard against…using all of your energy up or under using the energy you have. Just as muscles can atrophy, your energy resources will whither if you don’t use them. It’s essential to find a balance between energy expenditure and energy renewal.

In order to achieve our highest potential we need to focus our energy in these areas:

Mental: Productivity, attention, and comprehension depend on strong mental clarity and focus.

Spiritual: Possessing the ability to live in harmony with who you are, what’s most important to you and what gives meaning to your life.

Physical: Creating a strong and healthy body is the foundation for all else.

Emotional: Recognizing that all virtues are dependent and balanced by other virtues, for example, honesty without compassion can be cruel. It’s vital to learn to choose your emotional responses.

Full engagement requires that we draw on these separate but related sources of energy. Focusing deliberately on these areas is a simple and sure way to affect your life in a positive way. Because of the noise that fills everyday life, most people need help determining which are the best strategies for success.

There are five times in your life that a Somatic Life Coach will help you to dramatically increase your success…

Consider working with a coach when you’re:

1. Feeling stuck – You know you should be doing “something” – like marketing your business, engaging in public speaking, negotiating more effectively, balancing life and work, or creating a healthier lifestyle – but you’re not sure how.

2. Onto something big – You understand who you are and what you want and are ready to go after it with enthusiasm and dedication.

3. Afraid of the future –You don’t like the status quo and want something better.

4. Unsure of what you want – You’re ready to go from “I don’t know what to do” to “I know what I want, and I know how to get it!

5. Overwhelmed and don’t know where to start – You’re ready to reclaim more passion, power and purpose and excitement in your work life but you need direction.

Deep down most people know what their own solutions are. You simply need someone to provide you with a safe, supportive, discovery-based environment where you feel free to make change happen.

You can create a greater capacity of energy by pushing beyond your normal limits, training yourself through positive rituals and systematic routines. Are you ready to make a change? Click here to see which of my specific life coaching services is the right fit for your needs. I’m eager to help you find your hidden potential and to give you the strategies and accountability that will transform your life.

5 Ways to Make Your Lifestyle Changes Stick Even if You’ve Failed Before

Written by Maria Connolly. Posted in Handling Change, Mindfulness.

Human beings are complicated yet we want simple solutions. That’s why many look for a prescription to deal with pain – whether the pain is physical, emotional, mental or even spiritual. The right prescription can at times help. However, we need to make sure that we don’t ignore the lifestyle choices that got us where we are today. If we do – we won’t really get better.

Let’s say you’re under a deadline, so you live on caffeine and sugary energy bars. By skipping meals your body is starving for essential nutrients and minerals. This leads to sleep deprivation, which hinders your body from making vital repairs. Your moodiness and tiredness cause your relationships to suffer. You turn to alcohol to relax, but it makes things worse. Your mind starts bombarding you with negative and abusive self-talk. You begin to believe nothing you do works. You’re a failure. Everything starts to snowball into a mental health crisis like depression. So you keep pushing harder and harder…

Did you see the lifestyle choices that led to this pain? If you see yourself struggling be assured that it’s never too late to improve your health. We have the power to cultivate wellbeing by making small, deliberate changes in our lifestyles in the following seven areas:

Diet
Exercise
Mindfulness
Sleep and daily relaxation
Intimacy with self and others
Setting short and long term goals
Spirituality

You might say, “Maria, every year, I really try. I resolve to do things differently. And I do okay for the first day, the first week, or the first month. Then I mess up. I just can’t keep it up. Now I feel even worse. Not only can’t I change, I feel like such a failure for not having enough willpower. Why should I even try?”

Let me reassure you…you can change. It is worth the effort. You can succeed.

How can you make lifestyle changes that truly lead to better physical, emotional, spiritual and metal health? Where do you start and how do you make these changes stick?

When making changes it’s really important to:

Avoid the temptation to work on all seven areas at once. That’s too much. Instead, pick only one lifestyle change to work on until it becomes the way you want to live. That success will empower you to tackle the next one.

Do it in small chunks. Take your one big goal and list the steps you need to take to accomplish it. This makes it more realistic, achievable and less overwhelming. For example, do you want to eat healthier? One step may be to clean the sugar and junk food out of the cupboards, pantry, refrigerator and freezer. Another step may be to find healthy recipes you want to try. Another step is to stick to a weekly grocery list of only healthful foods. Another step is to build in new reward systems for each success – treat yourself to a pedicure, a new book, new clothes, etc.

Have a buddy system. We need support and encouragement to be successful. We need someone to be accountable to and to share our challenges and victories. I could not do it without the fierce and gentle support of my buddies!

Continue to adjust your goals as new information is available. We aren’t aware of all the variables when we start, so we need to continue to adjust. It's like a pilot that starts with a destination and a route in mind and during the flight has to adjust because of the weather or other air traffic. You may make it your goal to lose weight, but first you need to learn to eat healthier or start an exercise program. Or you might find that you’re an emotional eater who needs to heal a relationship problem first.

Accept that there are some things that can’t be changed. If there are some physical problems that can’t be fixed, you can still focus on mental health, emotional support and spirituality to help you accept your current situation and cope in a healthier way. You will often discover this improves your physical wellbeing in the process.

Every time you make mindful choices that supports the lifestyle you envision for yourself, you’re taking back the control you need. Each success empowers you to go on to the next with confidence. You can improve your physical, emotional, spiritual and mental health one step at a time. If you find you aren’t getting the support you need, why not give me a call and we can schedule an appointment to work together so you can achieve the success you desire and deserve.

Seven Ways to Break Free from Being Too Busy

Written by Maria Connolly. Posted in Controlling Stress, Life Skills, Mindfulness, Private Practice Advice.

When all is said and done: “I wish I had spent more time…”

When was the last time you sat in silence and thought deeply? Chances are you’re feeling overwhelmed as you juggle everything in your life. So you write lists and schedule calendars to get everything done. You try to keep the important things front and center, yet as the days and weeks pass, you get sidetracked by the busywork that seems to accomplish a lot, but in reality doesn’t get you closer to your goals. You’ve been sucked back into the vicious cycle of being too busy.

Being “too busy” is a symptom of the much larger condition – that of reacting to situations instead of making good choices. What can get you back on track? More lists? No! You need a solid foundation for change, and practicing mindfulness is a great way to do that. Mindfulness is the antidote to “too busy”.

Let’s examine seven ways you can replace busyness with mindfulness:

Slow down, concentrate on one task, and be fully present and engaged. For example: How many tabs do you have open in your browser right now? Shut them all down except for one and fully concentrate on the information before you. Or when you converse with someone, give your entire focus to the person and listen closely to what’s said rather than looking around the room or thinking about something else.

Stimulate creativity by being open to the possibilities. Your brain needs to relax to switch into its creative mode. When you’re “too busy” you’ll dismiss a new idea or opportunity as a distraction. Instead, carefully contemplate if it’s a way for you to grow and advance. If it’s not, dismiss it, or write it down for later consideration, and move on. If it is, spend time with it.

Set priorities so you can engage in life more efficiently and effectively. Start each day with a review of what you want to accomplish and end each day with what you have accomplished. This will allow you to do the things you really want to do, giving you a sense of satisfaction.

Build a routine that supports your health and minimizes stress. To live an incredible life, you’ll need to be committed to the wellness of mind, body, and spirit. Some people choose to stay “too busy” so they don’t have to confront or resolve issues in their lives. When you’re mindful, you enhance your ability to perceive what is experienced through your senses rather than building fear and stress over something that isn’t real, only a mistaken notion in your mind. So add one supportive activity to your routine until it becomes your habit.

Renew motivation by sharpening your vision, the reason why you’re doing what you’re doing. You’ll be able to replace “I can’t” or “Why try?” with “Yes, I know I deserve to make a success of this and I have the resources to do so”. As events unfold, observe the experience instead of always engaging in it. This will increase your emotional stability and vibrancy, as well as, open up to you a full range of options.

Establish good self-relations so you can think, plan, and dream. Depression and anxiety are signs that something is trying to wake up within a person. By acknowledging the purpose of a symptom, you are in a much better position to seriously reexamine your life and begin the process of living with renewed purpose. Taking time off is essential for recharging your spirit, mind and body. Even when you’re working, be sure to set boundaries and don’t be available all the time. This will help you keep your passion alive and discover your extraordinary purpose for being.

Become centered through connections. Everyone needs cherished family and friends. Instead of being so focused on doing and accomplishing, mindfulness keeps you centered on being the person you want to be. Your family and friends can help keep events in perspective. At the end of life, no one ever says, “I wish I had spent more time at the office.”

Mindfulness provides access to powerful inner resources so you can change the way you see and ultimately experience each situation. It puts you in a better position to do something different. It empowers you to participate in the world at large, as you work with what arises instead of trying to escape. Is that what you desire? Are you ready to develop a more mindfulness and meaningful life? Please contact me and we can discuss the best way for you to do that.

Tag: Self-Confidence

Self-Assessment not Judgment Leads to Greater Self-Confidence

Lack of Confidence – A Woman’s Greatest Challenge in Business

5 Times in Your Life When You Could Really Use a Life Coach

5 Ways to Make Your Lifestyle Changes Stick Even if You’ve Failed Before

Seven Ways to Break Free from Being Too Busy

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