Have a Happy Holiday Season — 5 Ways to Manage Emotional Land Mines

The year-end months are hectic, but I’m so grateful for a happy holiday season, aren’t you? It’s a time for reconnecting with family and friends. From October onward, I intentionally use my time to relax, reflect and assess how I’ve done over the past year.Then I can make course corrections as needed. 

Of course, not everyone feels joy for a variety of reasons. For example, the added pressures from crowded stores, roads and airports can put a damper on anyone’s spirits. Plus there may be many internal pressures — we get caught up in trying to meet expectations of providing the perfect holiday experience by being the perfect daughter, sister, wife, and mother. The house has to be just so. The meals must be absolutely delicious. We may find ourselves pushing to perform on a lot less sleep and a lot more stress. Or this holiday season may be marked by sadness because a loved one is missing or it reminds you of a traumatic event.

It doesn’t have to be like that! Start planning a strategy now that will make you proud of the way you handle yourself at all times. Here are a few self-leadership suggestions that can help.

Self-leadership skills to help you have a very happy holiday season

1. Learn from past years. You know yourself and your emotional buttons. And you know your family dynamics and how they push your buttons. You know it’s coming, so how do you want to respond?

Putting it another way, by the end of the holiday season, what five, positive, descriptive words do you want to be known for? This is a time to be very intentional. For example, if you intend to be calm, peaceful, fun, pleasant and loving, then those are the qualities to daily remember, recite, and practice now and on through the season.

2. Predict difficulties. During the holidays, you’re more likely to let your guard down. You might let someone pressure you to do something you really don’t want to do. It may be that extra glass of wine, a second helping, or getting drawn into an old family squabble. To be forewarned is to be forearmed. 

Bump up your practice of mindfulness so you’re highly aware of the messages your body is sending you. Are you feeling pressure in your shoulders and neck or churning in your stomach? Do some deep breathing and stretching, as you consciously release the emotions causing the tension. If that doesn’t do it, go for a walk or just step out of the room for a moment to collect yourself. As Jane Austen so wisely said,

“We have all a better guide in ourselves, if we would attend to it, than any other person can be.”

3. Have more than one plan. Disappointment can cause you to spiral into negative thoughts and feelings. Resilience will help you absorb any disappointments and help you to calmly choose the next best thing to do, without internalizing the change as a slight to you as a person.

4. Schedule time away to rest. It’s not selfish to practice self-care. In fact, it’s the only way to build your resilience so you can bring out your best under even the most trying times.

“Cultivate the habit of being grateful for every good thing that comes to you, and to give thanks continuously. And because all things have contributed to your advancement, you should include all things in your gratitude.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

5. Avoid the holiday blues. There is a let down at the end of the season. A great way to counteract this is to plan a really empowering activity in the upcoming year. 

 “Dream Big, Start Small” Here’s the one thing you can do today.

This exercise helps you tune into your body’s signals and empowers you to stand up for yourself, especially during stressful holiday situations.

Tune In
Picture a scenario where you might need to assert yourself this holiday season. Bring your awareness to different parts of your body, starting from your head and moving down to your toes. Notice any areas of tension or discomfort. You might ask yourself:

• • What is my body feeling right now?
  • Are there any areas that feel tight or heavy as I think of this scenario?

Feel Your Feelings
As you identify these sensations, acknowledge what they might be telling you. For example:

• • Tension in your shoulders might indicate stress or pressure.
  • A tightness in your stomach could signal anxiety or apprehension.

Empower Yourself
Stand up if you’re sitting. Place your hands on your hips or raise them slightly to the side. Feel your feet grounded beneath you. Take a moment to embody strength and confidence.

Set Your Intention
Silently or out loud, declare a personal boundary or a need you wish to honor this holiday season. For example:

• • “I deserve to enjoy the holidays without overcommitting myself.”
  • “It’s okay to say no to things that don’t serve my well-being.”

Visualize
Imagine yourself responding calmly and confidently. Feel the strength in your stance and the clarity in your voice.

Return to the Present 
Take a few more deep breaths, gently wiggle your fingers and toes, and slowly open your eyes. Notice how you feel now compared to when you started.

Reflect
Write down any insights or feelings that arose during this exercise. How can you apply this awareness and strength in upcoming holiday situations?

Tuning into your body and honoring your feelings is a vital step in cultivating resilience. You have the power to advocate for yourself, ensuring a more fulfilling and happy holiday season. I designed a simple 7-Point Wellness Assessment to help you listen to your body – your preferences as well as areas that may be in need of further attention and embodiment. End of year is a great time to reassess your life.

Photos by  Vlad Deep, Wout Vanacker and  krakenimages