Tired of Starting Over? Avoid The Trap In Seeking a Fresh Start

When life changes we often talk about starting over, turning over a new leaf,  making a fresh start, new beginnings, starting from scratch or from square one, wiping the slate clean, or beginning again. And these thoughts can become traps! Why?

Seeking a Fresh Start Can Become an Endless Cycle

People may want to wipe out the past as if it never happened. And that’s understandable when you’ve experienced trauma or lost something precious. However, no matter how much you wish the past away, your history is lodged in your mind and body. Pretending it didn’t happen only creates a conflict within yourself, because you’re too smart…you know it did!

Starting fresh doesn’t erase your problems.

Starting over in a new town, new house, new job, or new relationship doesn’t guarantee that you’ll be happier, healthier, or more prone to making better choices.

“But Maria,” some of my clients say, “I can never get it right. I feel like I need a fresh start. And I’m so tired of starting over.”

There are two aspects to pin down with this way of thinking:

1) What is it you’re not getting right? You may be trying to “fix” the wrong thing.

2) You don’t have to — nor can you — start from square one. You carry your history in your body. Each experience has taught you something.  You’ve learned you can say “No!” and the world doesn’t stop spinning. You’ve learned that other people have different methods, but you can achieve similar results. Or maybe you’ve learned a not-so-helpful-lesson that it’s “easier” not to fight.  So many lessons you’ve learned!  How you look at each of these lessons has shaped your thinking about yourself and the world around you, which, in turn, is shaping your future! 

Face yourself and learn to love what you see

Some coaches say that if you’re tired of starting over, you should stop giving up. I think that’s harsh and not unhelpful. The phrase “giving up’ gives the impression that you’re a quitter. And you wouldn’t be reading this if that were true. There are two very important things being overlooked:

If your life isn’t organized by systems, routines, or habits that are sustainable, it’s impossible to sustain them. 
If your full intelligence spectrum—somatic (body), emotional (emotional and spiritual), and cognitive (mental) — isn’t on board and working together harmoniously, you’ll be fighting against yourself and not making any progress.

We make progress when we face up to the part we play in the problem/situation. But to be productive, we must do this without judgment! That takes courage. Looking for a quick fix; having the “grass is always greener on the other side” mentality; giving in to boredom easily, and chasing each shiny new thing all keep you from moving forward.. 

 “Dream Big, Start Small” Here’s the one thing you can do today.

One of the most powerful tools you have in your Life Toolbox is gratitude. If you’re tired of starting over yet feel like you need a fresh start, try this exercise first:

1. Bring to mind a moment in your life when you felt like you had to “start over.” It could be a change in career, a relationship shift, a move, or any life transition.

2. As you visualize this experience, notice what emotions arise. Don’t judge them — just observe them with curiosity.

3. Now, focus on the lessons you gained from that experience.

• • What skills did you develop? (Patience, resilience, adaptability, etc.)
  • What inner strengths did you uncover? (Creativity, resourcefulness, self-trust, etc.)
  • What relationships or opportunities emerged as a result of this change?

4. For each insight, silently say, “Thank you.” For example:

• • Thank you for showing me that I am resilient.
  • Thank you for teaching me how to adapt to change.
  • Thank you for helping me see that I am stronger than I knew.

5. Now, shift your attention to the present and ask yourself:

• • What do I have now that I once wished for?
  • What challenges have I overcome that I thought I wouldn’t?

6. Silently name three things you are grateful for in this moment. These can be big or small — anything from a supportive friend to the sunlight streaming through a window.

7. Take three more slow, deep breaths. 

• • As you inhale, imagine drawing in all the wisdom and lessons from your past experiences.
  • As you exhale, release any sense of “starting over” or “wiping the slate clean.” Instead, recognize that you are carrying the fullness of your journey with you — and that’s a gift, not a burden.

8. When you’re ready, slowly open your eyes and re-enter your day with a renewed sense of gratitude for your journey and all it has taught you.

This mindfulness exercise is designed to shift your mindset from “starting over” to recognizing the richness of your lived experiences.  You never truly start from scratch — you carry your wisdom, growth, and strength with you.

You have greater options than you may realize. 

You have a lifetime of intelligence in your toolbox. And you can use these tools more effectively when you practice mindfulness, suspend judgment, and create greater self-awareness. The challenge is recognizing the tools you possess and learning to use them. I can help you do that! My unique gift is deeply listening to what you say and zeroing in on the challenge that’s keeping you from moving forward. Get a feel for my style of coaching from my free ebook, Introduction to Stepping Forward.

 

Thank you for the photo Zac Harris