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Tag: Communication Skills

The Best Conflict Resolution Techniques Are Based on Love

Does it surprise you that the best conflict resolution techniques are based on LOVE? At the office or at home, you don’t have to be tough to be heard.“The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them to fit our own image. Otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them.” ~ Thomas Merton

At sea, mutiny can endanger lives because while fighting, the sailors are distracted from their destination. They can’t see the storm on the horizon, the pirate ship approaching, or the iceberg beneath the surface. The ship, and all lives upon it, could be lost if conflict resolution techniques and a cohesive team spirit aren’t maintained. When your life depends on those around you, you long for a strong bond of respect and trust and even better, one of love.

Since we’re taught to question authority, to stand up for our rights, to be in control of our own destinies, maintaining a balance between self-determination and interdependence can be hard. Being in control isn’t what makes conflict resolution techniques work. Fighting for control is counterproductive. It distracts you from what’s really important.

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Compassionate Listening Heals Those Who Speak and Who Listen

Compassionate listening helps heal the one speaking and the one listening,  bearing witness to their pain, their story, forming a bond of understanding.“Listening is about being present, not just about being quiet.” ~ Krista Tippett

After the Alameda fire devastated our beautiful Rogue Valley on September 8th, I wanted to help beyond Go-Fund-Me and food/clothing donations. My search was rewarded when I attended a training on compassionate listening organized by the Hearth Community in Ashland. It reaffirmed to me the intense and healing power in the act of compassionate listening, when we engage both our ears and our hearts.

During the training we listened to each other – we got to bring to life all of our emotions in a healing circle. As each person spoke, we all felt safer and stronger as a community. That’s the power of gathering together for compassionate listening.

As I go through each day now, I listen for the many stories about what happened on September 8. One in particular stands out to me, and I’d love to share her story with you —

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How to Respond to Psychological Projection in Relationships That Are Strained

Understand why we project our thoughts and feelings onto others and learn how to respond to psychological projection in relationships in healthy ways. “Since the beginning of time, people have been trying to change the world so that they can be happy. This hasn’t ever worked, because it approaches the problem backward. What The Work gives us is a way to change the projector—mind—rather than the projected. It’s like when there’s a piece of lint on a projector’s lens. We think there’s a flaw on the screen, and we try to change this person and that person, whomever the flaw appears on next. But it’s futile to try to change the projected images. Once we realize where the lint is, we can clear the lens itself. This is the end of suffering, and the beginning of a little joy in paradise.” ~ Byron Katie

Have you ever noticed how people hate or get irritated by the qualities in others that they themselves unknowingly possess? Take for example, Don, the husband of a close friend. He’s always making comments like, “I can’t stand people who are so controlling,” or “That woman has a control issue, for sure!” He adamantly proclaims that he hates men who control women, but those around him glance at each other with knowing looks, because we see him trying to control his wife and kids in little ways all the time.

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When Relationships Change or End, Maintain Your Peace and Happiness

We thrive on healthy relationships! But when relationships change or end, you can still maintain your inner happiness and peace by enhancing these 5 skills…“Some people believe holding on and hanging in there are signs of great strength. However, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go and then do it.” ~ Ann Landers

Life without any relationships would be unbearable! We thrive when we invest time and emotional connection on healthy relationships, such as family, friends, and a romantic partner. The challenge arises when expectations aren’t met…when relationships change or end. How you navigate the sea of emotions that arise when a relationship doesn’t work out, will determine if you continue moving forward in life or you get stuck in time.

There can be a great deal of pain when relationships change or end. Sometimes, it’s hard to make sense of it all. It’s normal to ask, “Why did it happen? Who’s to blame? Why me?” Navigating all the emotions that flood through you at times like these — anger, sadness, betrayal, abandoned, fear, shame, vindictiveness, loneliness — can be difficult to understand and manage.

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Speak Positivity into Your Life to Master the Language of Success

Positivity is the universal language of success. You have to speak it, if you want to go places in this world. Even if you’ve spoken Negativity your whole life, you can learn to speak Positivity into your life!“The words you speak become the house you live in.” ~ Attributed to Hafiz

I speak a number of languages…English, Spanish, Italian, and Positivity. Yes, Positivity is a language. It’s the universal language of success. You have to speak it, if you want to go places in this world. Even if you’ve spoken Negativity your whole life, you can learn to speak Positivity into your life!

All languages have patterns that we practice in order to master them. When you finally become fluent in the language, the new way of thinking becomes automatic and you can form real and deep connections with others who speak it. The same is true when you practice speaking Positivity. You will create great success, when you make it a practice to speak positivity into your life every day. The words you speak become self-fulfilling prophecies, so speech is an extremely powerful tool. Once you’ve said it, your brain and body believe it.

We all have our own particular pattern of speech – some people are critical faultfinders, while others are known for always building others up. Of course, at times the most positive person can speak a negative comment. But overall, what pattern of speech do you have?

Over the course of the next week, I encourage you to pay attention to the words you use so you create greater awareness of your pattern of speech. Are you speaking Positivity into your life or is Negativity your mother tongue? You might even enlist a buddy to help you, because it’s difficult to be aware of this all the time.

We become more successful in life when we learn to use positive speech effectively. As you gain greater awareness, you’re going to notice how often the tendency to be judgmental is associated with negative speech. That’s why I encourage you to learn somatic practices and to practice suspending judgment and mindfulness.

Learn to avoid blanket statements or absolute statements, because they’re judgmental in nature and aren’t helpful in developing positive speech. They appear in thoughts such as, “total disaster, complete idiot, absolute wreak, always late, or never listens to me.” 

Recognize words that limit you or label you. Notice when you’re speaking whether you’re creating unwanted boundaries in your mind. These words are usually followed by the word, “so”. And we often use them as excuses. For instance, you may say, “I’m a procrastinator, so…”

More often than not, we misuse the power of speech by unconsciously sabotaging our chances of success, by convincing ourselves that something is impossible; it can’t happen. Be mindful to avoid words that breed hopelessness, fear, anxiety or negativity.

On the other hand, when you use positive language about yourself and your abilities to meet challenges you will love the outcomes you achieve. When you speak Positivity, you use language that is precise, results-oriented and builds trust.

Neuroscience has proven that you can rewire your brain to replace destructive patterns of thought, speech and behavior with more positive ones. Once you’ve noticed a manner of speech that isn’t bringing positivity into your life, make a conscious decision to replace it. This applies to the words you speak about yourself and words you speak and choose to listen to about others.

When you want positivity to grow in your life, you won’t want to give your problems or stresses more power by talking about them. Instead, focus on the good that you want to grow. If you want more influence, self-confidence, connection or opportunities, pay attention to what you’re sending out into the world each time you speak.

Also, monitor your body language as well. How you hold yourself – your posture, facial expression, and demeanor – profoundly shapes your emotions and how you speak.

Are you ready to become proficient in the language of “Positivity”? It may seem like a foreign language to you, but you can master this powerful skill. It will attract more opportunities and give you the confidence to go after and get the success you crave. I’d love to partner with you as you speak positivity into your life. Please contact me and schedule an “Unlocking Your Potential” 30-minute complimentary consultation (in-person, by phone or via Skype).


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