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Building Resilience by Mindfully Challenging the Status Quo

When your commitment and resolve are tested, building resilience is the one thing that will keep you on track and working toward fulfilling your dreams.“Successful people aren’t born that way. They become successful by establishing the habit of doing things unsuccessful people don’t like to do.” ~ William Makepeace Thackeray

Sometimes commitment is not enough. Yes, the power of commitment is all-important for realizing your dreams. But there will be times when your resolve is challenged. It could even be shattered if you’re not prepared, especially when you’re blindsided by something that knocks you off balance and seems impossible to overcome. What is the one thing that will get your commitment and resolve back online? Building Resilience!

Building resilience takes real effort to mindfully stop and challenge your thoughts and beliefs. Ask some pointed questions about what you think you know compared with what’s really going on. The following conversation illustrates how you can do this. (We’ll say that my client, Jessica, is a women’s health coach.) Try to put yourself in the dialogue, with your specific struggles, and review what you would say to each question.

Maria: “I know you’re struggling with getting new clients, Jessica. What do you think is holding you back?” 

Jessica: “It seems like in business you have to spend money to make money and I don’t have enough financing. I started with a small bank loan, but it wasn’t enough. Now my credit is maxed out and I don’t have enough clients to cover my costs.”

Maria: “Let’s back up a minute. When you point to a problem as coming from outside yourself, such as blaming other people or your finances, then you’re giving your power away. You’re perpetuating the false story that you’re not in charge of your life. Let’s reframe your thinking and start building your resilience. Remember, how we’ve talked about accepting responsibility?”

Jessica: “That’s right! I can identify the problem and how others factor into it, but ultimately I’m responsible for where I am today. I have the power to make my life better. I just have to identify the baby steps for doing so.”

Maria: “Excellent! The obvious place to start is asking, What are you focusing on?”

Jessica: “To tell you the truth, I’m thinking about how I just want it to be easy building my own practice.”

Maria: “Life isn’t easy. The challenges are what make us grow. It’s easy to become consumed by thinking about things you can’t control, but this creates a victim mentality that eats away at your self-worth and resilience. Instead, think about how you can channel your effort and energy to operate within your sphere of influence.”

Jessica: “Hmmm. What can I do and what can’t I do? I can’t influence anyone to support me with more money, but I can use other strategies to bring in more paying clients.”

Maria: “Yes! And that involves answering the question, how are you showing up to attract more business?”

Jessica: “I’ve been worried and desperate and I think people can sense that. It puts them off. Maybe if I generate more gratitude, my clients will feel more excited and engaged and they’ll refer other people to me! Is that what you mean?”

Maria: “Exactly. The way you show up has a profound effect on how others perceive you, AND how you perceive yourself. Your emotions show in how you hold yourself and how you speak. Connect with your inner wisdom and make sure you’re fully in alignment with your highest purpose.”

Jessica: “I have been feeling off, because I’m forcing myself to offer a service I don’t really want to, and I don’t think I’m being paid enough for what I do.”

Maria: “So, What is your truth? Start sifting through your thoughts and challenge your beliefs.”

Jessica: “I’ve looked at other coaches and I’ve assumed I have to offer services like they do, but that doesn’t feel right to me. I have some ideas I want to try…”

Maria: “Then that’s where you start. Pick one new idea, write out the pros and cons, and then the steps it will take to do it.” 

Jessica: “Ooh, I feel like a weight just lifted off my shoulders and I’m getting so excited! I’d like your help reviewing my ideas from a different perspective and see any issues I can’t.”

Maria: “I’d love to. So this brings us to a fifth question, how can you engage the power of commitment more fully? Narrow it down to one thing you’re completely committed to.”

Jessica: “I am totally committed to being the best coach I can be in a way that energizes me, not in comparison to how other people do it.”

Maria: “Removing that element of people pleasing from your situation will keep you from over-committing to things that don’t serve you.  I love how you’re so energized! I can tell you’ve found your equilibrium again. What will you say to yourself from here on out to maintain this new-found resilience?”

Jessica: “I have a special way to connect with my clients and I deserve to have a practice full of happy clients. My clients are going to see outstanding results and they’ll be happy to pay me for them.”

Maria: “I love how you’re having a positive conversation with yourself! Let’s talk about one of your new ideas now.”

Throughout this conversation, you’ll notice how we’re building resilience by asking some pointed questions (highlighted in bold) and answering them with positive actions (bolded italics). This formula works really well! If you’d like 1:1 assistance from me, please contact me and schedule an “Unlocking Your Potential” 30-minute complimentary consultation (in-person, by phone or via Skype). Let’s discover what energizes you.

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