Tag: mastery

Mastery is the ability to focus deeply on a compelling area of personal development and having the courage to pursue that course until you make it an intrinsic part of who you are.

How to Deal with Fear - Ten Ways to Cultivate a Fearless Mindset

Written by Maria Connolly. Posted in Controlling Stress, Fearless Mindset, Life Skills.

“Fear defeats more people than any other one thing in the world.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

Have you experienced fear lately? Were you afraid to try something new? To push yourself outside your comfort zone? To say something you feared would start a confrontation? Did you meet it head on or did you retreat and run away? How did your response make you feel? Empowered or powerless?

Dictionaries define fear as: “an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat.” Because we shy away from what is unpleasant, I challenge you to redefine the word fear this way: “This feeling of fear is alerting me to an opportunity to become more fully aware of my surroundings and connect with my inner power to handle whatever is happening.”

Just as children first love sweets then, as they mature to adulthood, they develop a taste for the full palate of flavors – bitter coffee and endive, savory chili peppers, salty anchovies, and sour lemon – we can mature and embrace each uncomfortable sensation as an opportunity for growing and enriching our experience in life. To help you reframe your feelings and learn how to deal with fear and worry, here are ten ways to cultivate a fearless mindset:

Fully acknowledge and accept your feeling of fear. Everyone feels fear. By being fully present in your feelings, you can embrace it as a friend that teaches you about yourself.

Change your right/wrong attitude to a can't-lose attitude. Regardless of the decision you make, there will be positive rewards. You may or may not attain your desired goal. No matter what, you haven’t failed. You’ve learning what you’re capable of and gained a greater self-awareness of your strengths and weakness. Upon reflection you’ll see what you can do to achieve greater skills so you can excel.

See the benefits of facing your fear. Avoiding, running and hiding only reinforces your fears. When you gain confidence and put yourself out there, you’ll make stronger connections with family and friends. You’ll be sharing solutions with co-workers and clients. You’ll be true to yourself. And those who love you will accept you for who you are. Those who have a problem with your authenticity don’t need to be in your life anyway.

Recognize fears that you’ve inherited. Not everyone has supportive parents who instill the belief that you can do and be anything you want to be. Fears around money, sex, and self-worth are some of the issues that stem from your upbringing.

Identify where the fear is coming from. What you say you fear may not necessarily be what you really fear. For example, if you’re afraid of public speaking, in actuality you might really fear rejection, feeling foolish or failing. When you identify the underlying issues, you can focus on resolving them.

Celebrate your growth. Don’t forget each time you’ve been challenged and have pushed your comfort zone further out. Remember it’s not about winning or losing. It’s that you handled it!

Avoid comparisons, which only lead to feelings of inadequacy. Your life experiences are unique to you. Own how YOU feel and don’t worry about what someone else would do in the situation.

Recognize fear as an alert system to protect against valid dangers. Fearless doesn’t mean reckless. Life is fragile and we must exercise proper precautions in times of danger.

Take baby steps if you feel overwhelmed. If you fear swimming, jumping in the deep end of the pool will not help you. Slowly easing into the water and having positive experiences will build your confidence and feelings of control. Often having a mentor to guide you is what’s needed to get you past the roadblocks.

Find your support system. When you can voice your fears out loud to someone you trust, you release the pressure, and the challenge may not be as large as you first felt. They know you well and their helpful feedback and support can instill a renewed confidence in you.

If you want to learn more about how to deal with fear and cultivate a fearless mindset, I recommend you get Susan Jeffers’ book, Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway: Dynamic techniques for turning Fear, Indecision and Anger into Power, Action and Love.

Do you feel it’s time to step towards your fears and learn to embrace them so you can create excellence in your life? I’m here to help. Contact me and let’s talk about what your next, best step might be.

10 Easy Ways to Boost Self-Confidence and Attain Your Dreams

Written by Maria Connolly. Posted in Life Skills.

“Once we believe in ourselves, we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight, or any experience that reveals the human spirit.” ~ E.E. Cummings

Don’t you admire people who confidently face their fears, challenges and tragedies head-on? They have a knack for always seeing the positive, the opportunities and potential in even the most trying circumstances. Their self-confidence supports and fuels them as they follow their dreams and make them come true, even when others say it can’t be done.

Does that describe how you live your life? Even if it doesn’t at the present, there are positive steps you can take to make this your reality. Here are ten easy ways to help you boost self-confidence…

Reality checks. Is it really as scary or impossible as it seems at first? Fears are often not supported by reality. You’re not going to die of embarrassment when speaking in front of a crowd. More than likely, you will create a rapport and connect with another person on a deeper level if you simply acknowledge your mistake, sincerely apologize and move on. And you can often do “impossible” things if you break the huge project down into smaller, doable steps.

Surround yourself with people that are good at what you want to improve. By removing the naysayers from your life and associating with those you want to imitate, you’ll find it easier to accomplish your goals.

Make confidence building a daily practice. One small change a day adds up to a new way of living. I recommend that you begin with centering practices which are foundational for making real changes in your life.

Transform your inner critic into an inner coach. Be aware of your negative self-talk and replace it with positive thoughts. If you begin thinking, “This is too hard, I want to quit”, replace it with “How” questions: “How can I make this a little easier?” “How can I keep my eyes on the prize?”

Keep learning new skills. Never stop learning. Whether you’re learning just enough to get by or are striving to master a new skill, your self-confidence increases as you continue to acquire new skills!

Develop a “Beginner’s Mind” mindset. When you admit you don’t know everything, your mind is open to asking for help, being curious, to asking questions. You won’t compare yourself to others, because you have nothing to prove. This positions you as a learner who is filled with child-like wonder.

Practice psycho-rehearsing. Visualize in great detail, every step, to accomplishing a task. Athletes do this when they imagine over and over again successfully hitting the target or making the hoop. The brain can’t tell the difference between the visualization and actually doing it.

Focus on competence not perfection. Perfection is a digital on or off switch. Either you’re perfect or you’re not. Competence has five stages, so life becomes an exciting journey of discovery as you move through these stages.

Develop a Compassionate Mind. Treat yourself with the same kindness, concern and support you’d show to a good friend. Mindfully acknowledging and experiencing your feelings is a core component of self-compassion. Dr. Kristin Neff provides some guided meditations and exercises that you’ll find helpful. Straightforward self-compassion boosts self-esteem more than focusing on what we’re good at.

Focus on positive experiences. You are what you do. When you change what you do, you change what you are. Always act and speak in a positive way. Pour your heart and energy into kind generous actions. You’ll soon notice an increase in your self-confidence.

It is possible to reach your dreams as you achieve your full potential. Sometimes it simply takes someone holding up the lantern and lighting the way. I would be delighted if we traveled on this journey together. Contact me and let’s talk about which of my life coaching services would get you to where you want to be.

5 Times in Your Life When You Could Really Use a Life Coach

Written by Maria Connolly. Posted in Life Coaching.

“Performance, health and happiness are grounded in the skillful management of energy.” ~ Jim Loehr and Tony Schwartz from The Power of Full Engagement

Are you full of ideas of what you’d like to do, but you’re too tired and drained to accomplish them? Perhaps you keep coming up against the same roadblocks and you can’t find a way around them. To be successful in life and business you need the drive and energy to get things done.

There are two dangers to your energy that you must guard against…using all of your energy up or under using the energy you have. Just as muscles can atrophy, your energy resources will whither if you don’t use them. It’s essential to find a balance between energy expenditure and energy renewal.

In order to achieve our highest potential we need to focus our energy in these areas:

Mental: Productivity, attention, and comprehension depend on strong mental clarity and focus.

Spiritual: Possessing the ability to live in harmony with who you are, what’s most important to you and what gives meaning to your life.

Physical: Creating a strong and healthy body is the foundation for all else.

Emotional: Recognizing that all virtues are dependent and balanced by other virtues, for example, honesty without compassion can be cruel. It’s vital to learn to choose your emotional responses.

Full engagement requires that we draw on these separate but related sources of energy. Focusing deliberately on these areas is a simple and sure way to affect your life in a positive way. Because of the noise that fills everyday life, most people need help determining which are the best strategies for success.

There are five times in your life that a Somatic Life Coach will help you to dramatically increase your success…

Consider working with a coach when you’re:

1. Feeling stuck – You know you should be doing “something” – like marketing your business, engaging in public speaking, negotiating more effectively, balancing life and work, or creating a healthier lifestyle – but you’re not sure how.

2. Onto something big – You understand who you are and what you want and are ready to go after it with enthusiasm and dedication.

3. Afraid of the future –You don’t like the status quo and want something better.

4. Unsure of what you want – You’re ready to go from “I don’t know what to do” to “I know what I want, and I know how to get it!

5. Overwhelmed and don’t know where to start – You’re ready to reclaim more passion, power and purpose and excitement in your work life but you need direction.

Deep down most people know what their own solutions are. You simply need someone to provide you with a safe, supportive, discovery-based environment where you feel free to make change happen.

You can create a greater capacity of energy by pushing beyond your normal limits, training yourself through positive rituals and systematic routines. Are you ready to make a change? Click here to see which of my specific life coaching services is the right fit for your needs. I’m eager to help you find your hidden potential and to give you the strategies and accountability that will transform your life.

How Do You Find the Right Mentor for You?

Written by Maria Connolly. Posted in Life Skills.

“When you know yourself, you are empowered. When you accept yourself, you are invincible.” ~ Tina Lifford

Have you noticed how many successful business people are talking about their mentors and how those mentors have helped them to push beyond their roadblocks and enabled them to achieve more than they ever thought possible? It’s no secret that their success comes from tapping into the wisdom of others. Yet in day-to-day conversations, mentorship isn’t often discussed.

Is mentorship only for high-powered executives or can anyone find real value in seeking a mentor? If you’re someone who isn’t satisfied with where you are in life, it’s time to reach out to a mentor. That doesn’t mean you need to ask a stranger, “Will you be my mentor?” Your mentor should be someone you know and trust.

Where should you look for a mentor?

Remember that mentorship is a relationship. It might be a relationship with someone you’ve known for a long time, like your trusted and successful uncle. Or it could be a professional life coach that you follow and admire. The best way to form a relationship is to spend time with the person who knows what you want to learn.

Here are some suggestions for where to look for a mentor:

Friends
Family
Colleagues
Recommendations from people you trust
Leaders in groups or organizations, schools or programs you’ve been associated with
Reputable life coaches locally
Reputable online mentors (The internet removes any limits to successfully building a relationship with a mentor who lives across the country.)

Can you think of two or three people who have done what you want to do in a way that you’d be proud to model yourself after? Reach out to one of them and have a conversation about one of your concerns. (Keep your visit short so you don’t wear out your welcome.) Do they kindly take time to talk with you? Are they more than willing to share their expertise? If so, let them know how much their help has meant to you. This is the foundation for building a great relationship with your mentor. If you don’t find a good response, then try the next person on your list.

The same principles apply to reaching out to an online mentor. Read what they’ve written on their website, listen to them, and interact with them on Facebook and LinkedIn. Ask good questions and pay attention to their responses.

Mentors are invaluable for so many reasons, but essentially they provide knowledge, motivation, advice, counsel, encouragement when you need it most, guidance for personal development and so much more. If you’re lucky enough to find a personal mentor who can be all of these things to you, you’ll have an advantage over many others, because you have a secret weapon that can take you to the top!

Do you have a concern you’d like to ask me about? Come over to my Facebook Page and leave a comment about the one thing that concerns you the most right now. I’d love to hear from you.

5 Ways to Make Your Lifestyle Changes Stick Even if You’ve Failed Before

Written by Maria Connolly. Posted in Handling Change, Mindfulness.

Human beings are complicated yet we want simple solutions. That’s why many look for a prescription to deal with pain – whether the pain is physical, emotional, mental or even spiritual. The right prescription can at times help. However, we need to make sure that we don’t ignore the lifestyle choices that got us where we are today. If we do – we won’t really get better.

Let’s say you’re under a deadline, so you live on caffeine and sugary energy bars. By skipping meals your body is starving for essential nutrients and minerals. This leads to sleep deprivation, which hinders your body from making vital repairs. Your moodiness and tiredness cause your relationships to suffer. You turn to alcohol to relax, but it makes things worse. Your mind starts bombarding you with negative and abusive self-talk. You begin to believe nothing you do works. You’re a failure. Everything starts to snowball into a mental health crisis like depression. So you keep pushing harder and harder…

Did you see the lifestyle choices that led to this pain? If you see yourself struggling be assured that it’s never too late to improve your health. We have the power to cultivate wellbeing by making small, deliberate changes in our lifestyles in the following seven areas:

Diet
Exercise
Mindfulness
Sleep and daily relaxation
Intimacy with self and others
Setting short and long term goals
Spirituality

You might say, “Maria, every year, I really try. I resolve to do things differently. And I do okay for the first day, the first week, or the first month. Then I mess up. I just can’t keep it up. Now I feel even worse. Not only can’t I change, I feel like such a failure for not having enough willpower. Why should I even try?”

Let me reassure you…you can change. It is worth the effort. You can succeed.

How can you make lifestyle changes that truly lead to better physical, emotional, spiritual and metal health? Where do you start and how do you make these changes stick?

When making changes it’s really important to:

Avoid the temptation to work on all seven areas at once. That’s too much. Instead, pick only one lifestyle change to work on until it becomes the way you want to live. That success will empower you to tackle the next one.

Do it in small chunks. Take your one big goal and list the steps you need to take to accomplish it. This makes it more realistic, achievable and less overwhelming. For example, do you want to eat healthier? One step may be to clean the sugar and junk food out of the cupboards, pantry, refrigerator and freezer. Another step may be to find healthy recipes you want to try. Another step is to stick to a weekly grocery list of only healthful foods. Another step is to build in new reward systems for each success – treat yourself to a pedicure, a new book, new clothes, etc.

Have a buddy system. We need support and encouragement to be successful. We need someone to be accountable to and to share our challenges and victories. I could not do it without the fierce and gentle support of my buddies!

Continue to adjust your goals as new information is available. We aren’t aware of all the variables when we start, so we need to continue to adjust. It's like a pilot that starts with a destination and a route in mind and during the flight has to adjust because of the weather or other air traffic. You may make it your goal to lose weight, but first you need to learn to eat healthier or start an exercise program. Or you might find that you’re an emotional eater who needs to heal a relationship problem first.

Accept that there are some things that can’t be changed. If there are some physical problems that can’t be fixed, you can still focus on mental health, emotional support and spirituality to help you accept your current situation and cope in a healthier way. You will often discover this improves your physical wellbeing in the process.

Every time you make mindful choices that supports the lifestyle you envision for yourself, you’re taking back the control you need. Each success empowers you to go on to the next with confidence. You can improve your physical, emotional, spiritual and mental health one step at a time. If you find you aren’t getting the support you need, why not give me a call and we can schedule an appointment to work together so you can achieve the success you desire and deserve.

Tag: mastery

How to Deal with Fear - Ten Ways to Cultivate a Fearless Mindset

10 Easy Ways to Boost Self-Confidence and Attain Your Dreams

5 Times in Your Life When You Could Really Use a Life Coach

How Do You Find the Right Mentor for You?

5 Ways to Make Your Lifestyle Changes Stick Even if You’ve Failed Before

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