Maria Connolly, LPC
When life changes we often talk about starting over, turning over a new leaf, making a fresh start, new beginnings, starting from scratch or from square one, wiping the slate clean, or beginning again. And these thoughts can become traps! Why?
Starting a new year has great symbolic meaning for us. It’s a fresh start that usually energizes us. But if the problems of the previous year are dragging on, you’re still sailing on troubled waters. Changing your calendar won’t ensure you start the new year off right.
How do we start the new year off right, with enthusiasm and renewed energy?
If you’ve had a fairly good year, you can take stock of your year and make sense of your losses and victories. Look for what worked and what didn’t. See what you predicted and what you got. However, this process needs to be very different when you’ve experienced major life shifts or traumatic events.
First comes the sudden tightness in your chest at the family dinner table – before the thoughts, before the words. Your body knows. Even as your aunt reaches across the table, inches from crossing that invisible line with another well-meaning but invasive question, your stomach coils into familiar knots. These aren’t just random sensations; they’re your body’s wisdom alerting you to whether or not you’ve been setting family boundaries adequately.
There’s something profound about returning to the places and people that shaped us. Recently, I went back to Italy to visit my family, spending time with my mom and my brother—who holds a special place in my heart. Being back in the home I grew up in was a comforting experience, but it also stirred up a mixture of memories, both joyful and challenging. I felt firsthand how deeply the body remembers, holding traces of these formative experiences even when we aren’t consciously aware of them.
Have recent upheavals changed the way you live? As you reflect on what’s most meaningful for you, have you created new personal or family traditions and rituals that bring you peace and joy? Or do you find yourself longing for what’s missing in your life? It’s not surprising if you feel disconnected and disoriented when you consider the year we’ve just experienced. When you tack on the darker winter days, many struggle to find happiness.