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How to Let Go of Hurt, Hate, Anger, and Pain & Nurture Inner Peace

We feel hurt when we feel used or betrayed. Yet this suffering can stay far too long. To recover, we must learn how to let go of hurt, hate, anger and pain.“Whatever comes, let it come, what stays let stay, what goes let go.” ~ Papaji

We’ve all been hurt by another person at some time or another. We’ve all felt used, unseen or betrayed. And while this pain is normal, sometimes the suffering stays for far too long. We relive the experience over and over, and have a hard time letting go, because we’re trying to figure out what went wrong. This not only causes us to be unhappy, but can distract us from our lives, making us hesitant to open up to new things and people. We get trapped in a cycle of hurt and confusion, and miss out on the beauty of life as it happens.

It’s vital to learn to let go of the hurt, to be able to forgive, so we can move on and be present for what matters most. This is something I learned the hard way, not once but several times. Moving forward, I want to love deeply and let go more easily when the time comes.

But how can we let go of hurt, hate, anger and pain, when it’s already changed us or affected us deeply? No matter where you are in the journey of letting go, there are some suggestions that will always help. You’ll notice that all of the ones today contain some element of forgiveness, because ultimately, when you forgive, whether the other person deserve it or not, you’re gifting yourself inner peace.

How to let go of hurt, hate, anger and pain…

Stay grounded in the present moment. Being mindful of where you are in life’s journey right now allows you to assess and identify which steps can be taken next. You can’t change the past, and the future will unfold as it needs to. Believe in yourself and your potential. Let go of the urge to fight. Accept things as they are, not as you want them to be. Stop trying to force things to happen. As Jack Kornfield wisely said:

 “Let go of the battle. Breathe quietly and let it be. Let your body relax and your heart soften. Open to whatever you experience without fighting.”

Observe somatically. Wherever you are in the process, is where you need to be. There’s nothing useful in judging yourself. Rather than quickly trying to eliminate or change your thoughts, listen to your body wisdom. As you see how your thoughts and emotions are creating sensations within your body, you can recognize the ones that are serving you and the ones that aren’t. Then you can thank the Part of you that is trying to keep you safe from a misperceived threat and let that thought or emotion go. If you tend toward reliving hurtful or embarrassing moments, know that the situation is not hopeless. You can rewire your brain toward more positivity.

 Attract positive energy. While it may feel good, in the moment, to wish harm on someone, this increases the flow of negative energy into your life and does absolutely nothing to the person you feel vengeful toward. It’s like wanting someone dead, but you’re drinking the poison. Let go of resentment and hatred by working on attracting and sending out the energy of love and healing. When you’re filled with love, there’s no room for hate.

Change yourself only. After all, the only person you can change is yourself. Why frustrate yourself trying to change someone else? By forgiving yourself and moving forward, you become the best version of yourself and show others a higher way of being. Others can follow if they want. Let go of the need to control what they do and how they are. That’s their choice and responsibility, not yours.

Maintain realistic expectations. Everybody makes mistakes, so we want to make allowances and let go of our tendency to jump to conclusions and view things as intended slights against us. Working on better communication skills will help you clarify exactly what others mean by their words and actions. This will enhance your growth and likely will help the other person to grow, too!

Sometimes, you need time away to create space to think and process your thoughts and emotions fully. If you’d like to do so in a supportive setting with women who will help you enhance your self-leadership skills, consider joining our 3rd annual Bring Forth the Leader Within Retreat. We’re committed to educate, inspire and empower you to intentionally develop your authentic presence, core values, attitudes and skills.

emotions, Mental Health, Personal Growth - Professional Growth

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