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Category: Private Practice Advice

Advice on how psychologists, psychotherapists, healing professionals, and life coaches can start, build and run a thriving private practice.

Supercharge your Power of Concentration by Learning How to Focus Better

how to improve your focus so you can supercharge your power of concentrationAre there times when you struggle to focus on the task at hand? Perhaps that’s because there’s too much going on in your attentional field. What’s that? It’s a term used to describe everything within your attention span – your thoughts, emotions, physical sensations, sights and sounds around you. Right now your attention is on the website reading this, but you may at the same time be distracted by other things like the mug of tea you’re sipping, the sound of your child or pet in the background, the thoughts of a deadline looming later today.

Focus is the ability to attend to internal cues (what’s going on inside of you, your feelings and thoughts) and external cues (what’s going on around you, like the knock on the door) in your attentional field. In all areas of life, whether you’re giving a presentation at work, having an important conversation with your spouse or training for a marathon, in order to excel you need to be able to focus.

What can you do to learn how to focus better? Here are two main skills you’ll need to master:

  1. In order to tap into the tremendous power of concentration, determine what the relevant cues to the task at hand are and learn to focus only on them. We learn to selectively focus on or block out cues every day, otherwise the background noises and activities would drive us crazy.

Think about a star ball player. He must be in tune to his technique, his opponent, the score, the referee, the coach, and time remaining on the scoreboard, to name only a few cues vying for his attention. What would happen if his focus shifted to the pretty girl in the bleachers? He, in all likelihood, might miss the ball flying towards him. Hence at this point and time, that pretty girl would be considered a performance-irrelevant cue that must be ignored.

  1. So the second skill for achieving better focus is determining what the performance-irrelevant cues are so you can ignore them as you strive to excel. These would be anything that would hurt your performance when you must accomplish a task.

There are two types of harmful cues that you’ll encounter:

Interfering cues are those that directly hurt your performance such as negative thoughts, anxiety, and concern over what others think.

Irrelevant cues are those that distract you from an effective focus including what restaurant you’ll go to tonight, the project that you must finish by tomorrow, or that pretty girl in the bleachers.

Each of us has a different dominant focus style, which is what we default to under stress. We pay attention in two distinct ways. These two focus styles are…

Internal-focus style. These people are totally and consistently focused during a specific activity like a presentation, a practice session or a competition. They need to keep their focus narrow, thinking only about their performance all the time. The down side of this intensity is that they also tend to be easily distracted by their surroundings.

External-focus style. These people only focus on their specific activity when they’re about to begin the event or competition. They function better by taking their mind off of the activity at all other times, because they tend to over-think, becoming negative, critical, and anxious. For them to excel, they must focus on other things when they’re not actually performing.

Neither approach is right or wrong. The important thing is identifying your focus style and utilizing it to improve your powers of concentration. If you’re trying to force yourself to adopt a style other than your own, you’ll find that under pressure you’ll revert back to your normal style and that could really throw you off your game.

Would you like assistance in utilizing your personal style to excel at everything you do? We can work together in person or via Skype. Please contact me and I’ll be happy to help you identify your weakness and learn how to tap into your strengths.

A good place to begin is by taking my 7-Point Wellness Assessment. You can download your free copy by clicking here.

Lack of Confidence – A Woman’s Greatest Challenge in Business

If you’ve ever shied away from an opportunity because of lack of confidence, learn five reasons for lack of confidence and how you can increase confidence.“Self-confidence is the first requisite to great undertakings.” ~ Samuel Johnson

Women have been trying to break through the glass ceiling for years. They struggle for equality in the workplace and in society. Historically women have played a supportive role. They’ve been the behind-the-scenes nurturers. In the business world, cultural and institutional barriers often define success or failure for businesswomen. Yet there’s an even bigger reason why women sometimes struggle to succeed. What is it? Many women lack confidence.

What is self-confidence? It’s the feeling of trusting your abilities, qualities and judgments. Many believe that self-confidence has to do with positive affirmations. Although, that is partly accurate, what truly builds confidence is experience – setting and achieving goals – thus building competence.

What makes so many women lack confidence? There are five basic reasons why women and men have lack of confidence:

  1. Unrealistic expectations. Many people are perfectionists. To illustrate: a number of years ago, Hewlett-Packard discovered that women applied for a promotion only when they believed they met 100% of the qualifications. Men, on the other hand, applied when they felt they could meet 60% of the job requirements. If you wait to be perfect to reach for what you want, you’ll never get it! Your self-confidence comes from doing your best now. It’s a process of daily approximation. Start where you are!
  1. Harsh, self-judgmental, negative thoughts running through our minds on an endless track. Some people feel they’re never good enough, never attractive enough, or never smart enough. Often this is a misguided attempt to improve their performance. Your thoughts have power. If you put yourself down, you’ll feel, well, down. The next time you hear negative talk in your head, ask yourself: How can I motivate myself to reach for what I want? Focus on an earlier accomplishment, be kind to yourself knowing that when you feel safe on the inside rather than under attack you will increase your motivation and perform better.
  1. Preoccupation with fear. In the book, The Confidence Gap: A Guide to Overcoming Fear and Self Doubt, Russ Harris offers this wonderful advice, “Rather than trying to ‘get over’ your fears, form a new and wiser relationship with them. Paradoxically, it’s only when we stop struggling against our fearfulness that we begin to find lasting freedom from it.” When you can peacefully embrace every one of your human emotions, including fear, as part of your daily occurrence, you’ll view life as a fascinating journey not something to dread. (I highly recommend this book as a valuable addition to your self help library.)
  1. Lack of experience. There is no such thing as failure, only useful feedback! Feedback enables us to learn from our mistakes, refine our plan, change our behavior or adjust our priorities. Failure, on the other hand, erodes confidence, negatively impacts self-image and reduces our motivation to improve, which inevitably leads to low level of achievement. So, embrace “failure.” Because if you are failing, you are learning and if you are learning, you are gaining experience. And experience is really what confidence is all about.
  1. Lack of skill. Never stop learning. Learn something every day about your field, job, hobby or presentation – whatever you want to feel more confident about. Nowadays it’s so easy to gain knowledge and information through YouTube tutorials, free online classes, mentoring. When you’re prepared, your self-confidence soars.

 

What can you do to build your self-confidence? Make an honest assessment of yourself. If you need to, ask a trusted friend to help you with this exercise. Make a list of all the things that have been gifted to you because people value you – close relationships, words of praise, loving gestures, kind deeds. Then make another list of your accomplishments that make you feel proud. Place these lists where you see them daily to remind yourself what an amazing person you are.

Isn’t it time that you stop missing out on opportunities in your life? I’m here to help you. Through private coaching and group coaching sessions you can embrace your fears and discover your inner strength as you reclaim confidence in yourself. Please contact me and let’s talk.

Tips on How to Squeeze a Summer Vacation into Your Busy Schedule

Tips on how you can squeeze a summer vacation in even if you have a tight scheduleAre you going to take some time off this summer to refresh yourself and recharge? Or are you going to be like the majority of workaholic Americans who won’t get away from work? Nearly three-quarters of Americans feel they’re too busy to use their paid vacation days and 15 percent don’t use any of their vacation days at all! That’s more than 150 million unused vacation days every year. Is this making us a healthier and happier nation of people? Absolutely not!

Did you know that much of Western Europe takes from four to six weeks off? In Italy, where I grew up, workers get 31 days of guaranteed paid vacation. And they take those days and enjoy them with their families. Every year I make a point of recharging by attending retreats that are both educational and promote personal development and emotional growth. My hope for you is that you can enjoy a similar experience.

But what if you can’t be away for an entire week because of unusual circumstances? Does that mean you should give up on the idea of having a vacation? Not at all.

Here are some suggestions so you can squeeze in some time away:

If you can’t block out a large chunk of time, why not split your time up into short, two or three day vacations throughout the year?

Strategically plan ahead for your vacation days. Of course, you won’t want to leave in the middle of a project, therefore make sure you wrap things up before you go so you’re not worrying about it.

Be willing to delegate. It’s worth it to train someone well in advance who can step into your shoes while you’re gone. And if you’re worried about your home, hire a reputable house sitter or have a friend stop by to check on things.

Put your vacation time on your calendar as non-negotiable.

Inform and periodically remind your clients, co-workers, and boss that you’ll be gone so it doesn’t catch them by surprise.

Leave your office and home organized. This relieves your mind of nagging, unfinished business, as well as, gives you a clean place to come back to. Nothing destroys the vacation bliss faster than coming home to a chaotic mess.

Unplug. Even if you have to force yourself, disconnect from technology, including the television. Use the time to reconnect with your loved ones and feed your mind on books, art or another creative outlet.

Don’t expect to hit the ground running on your first day back. It’s so much better to give yourself a day to ease back into your routine and catch up.

The truth is if you want to achieve business excellence, you must take time to recharge your battery. You’re health and your relationships will improve, too, because you’re finally getting relief from the constant stress. Plus you’ll discover some great opportunity to fuel and tap into your greater creativity.

Want to get into the vacation mood quicker? Why not schedule a session of somatic coaching to calm your mind and reconnect with your body? Contact me and I’ll help you get started on that summer vacation you deserve.

Seven Ways to Break Free from Being Too Busy

break free from being too busyWhen all is said and done: “I wish I had spent more time…”

When was the last time you sat in silence and thought deeply? Chances are you’re feeling overwhelmed as you juggle everything in your life. So you write lists and schedule calendars to get everything done. You try to keep the important things front and center, yet as the days and weeks pass, you get sidetracked by the busywork that seems to accomplish a lot, but in reality doesn’t get you closer to your goals. You’ve been sucked back into the vicious cycle of being too busy.

Being “too busy” is a symptom of the much larger condition – that of reacting to situations instead of making good choices. What can get you back on track? More lists? No! You need a solid foundation for change, and practicing mindfulness is a great way to do that. Mindfulness is the antidote to “too busy”.

Let’s examine seven ways you can replace busyness with mindfulness:

  1. Slow down, concentrate on one task, and be fully present and engaged. For example: How many tabs do you have open in your browser right now? Shut them all down except for one and fully concentrate on the information before you. Or when you converse with someone, give your entire focus to the person and listen closely to what’s said rather than looking around the room or thinking about something else.
  1. Stimulate creativity by being open to the possibilities. Your brain needs to relax to switch into its creative mode. When you’re “too busy” you’ll dismiss a new idea or opportunity as a distraction. Instead, carefully contemplate if it’s a way for you to grow and advance. If it’s not, dismiss it, or write it down for later consideration, and move on. If it is, spend time with it.
  1. Set priorities so you can engage in life more efficiently and effectively. Start each day with a review of what you want to accomplish and end each day with what you have accomplished. This will allow you to do the things you really want to do, giving you a sense of satisfaction.
  1. Build a routine that supports your health and minimizes stress. To live an incredible life, you’ll need to be committed to the wellness of mind, body, and spirit. Some people choose to stay “too busy” so they don’t have to confront or resolve issues in their lives. When you’re mindful, you enhance your ability to perceive what is experienced through your senses rather than building fear and stress over something that isn’t real, only a mistaken notion in your mind. So add one supportive activity to your routine until it becomes your habit.
  1. Renew motivation by sharpening your vision, the reason why you’re doing what you’re doing. You’ll be able to replace “I can’t” or “Why try?” with “Yes, I know I deserve to make a success of this and I have the resources to do so”. As events unfold, observe the experience instead of always engaging in it. This will increase your emotional stability and vibrancy, as well as, open up to you a full range of options.
  1. Establish good self-relations so you can think, plan, and dream. Depression and anxiety are signs that something is trying to wake up within a person. By acknowledging the purpose of a symptom, you are in a much better position to seriously reexamine your life and begin the process of living with renewed purpose. Taking time off is essential for recharging your spirit, mind and body. Even when you’re working, be sure to set boundaries and don’t be available all the time. This will help you keep your passion alive and discover your extraordinary purpose for being.
  1. Become centered through connections. Everyone needs cherished family and friends. Instead of being so focused on doing and accomplishing, mindfulness keeps you centered on being the person you want to be. Your family and friends can help keep events in perspective. At the end of life, no one ever says, “I wish I had spent more time at the office.”

Mindfulness provides access to powerful inner resources so you can change the way you see and ultimately experience each situation. It puts you in a better position to do something different. It empowers you to participate in the world at large, as you work with what arises instead of trying to escape. Is that what you desire? Are you ready to develop a more mindfulness and meaningful life? Please contact me and we can discuss the best way for you to do that.

25 Ways Highly Successful People Make Us Feel Better About Ourselves

Anyone can become extraordinary by achieving these transformational 25 positive traits of successful people, which start with seeing yourself as others see you.Think for a moment about someone that you’re drawn to – can you picture him or her? You can probably identify certain qualities they have such as being charming, gracious, generous, sincere, honest, genuine, open, kind, compassionate, giving, loving…

However, we can gain additional insight into what makes them highly successful by reflecting on their behavior. What is it that they do that brings out the best in us?

When you mindfully observe the way they interact with others, their speech and their actions, then you can model their behavior within your own life. As you read the following list of 25 positive behaviors of highly success individuals, imagine how each item makes you feel. Then you can begin to comprehend how you can use these behaviors to extend this feeling towards others…

 

1. They step forward with hand extended, head slightly tilted forward, smiling, and expressing sincere delight when meeting you rather than waiting for you to come to them.

2. They respectfully call you by the name that you introduce yourself as, rather than presumptuously giving you a nickname.

3. They are fascinated by you, asking you who, what, where and why questions without prying into off-limits, personal territory.

4. They respect your personal space. If you’re a hugger, they’ll hug you. If you’re uncomfortable with physical touch, they won’t force the issue. (This involves some sensory acuity on your part. Always take your cues from others!)

5. They make you feel important, maintain eye contact as they attentively and patiently listen to every word.

6. They willingly reveal themselves openly and honestly as they show their genuineness.

7. They always keep confidential information confidential.

8. They avoid gossip by tactfully changing the conversation or walking away.

9. They listen more than they speak.

10. They give without expecting anything in return.

11. They recognize even the tiniest of efforts and expresses appreciation for what you’ve done and why you’ve done it.

12.They encourage you to reach your full potential.

13. They trust that you’re doing your best, and they look deeply into each situation for the reasons why you’re doing something rather than jumping to conclusions.

14. They lead by example and willingly “roll up their sleeves” to pitch in where there’s a need before being asked.

15. They are mindful of your feelings, expressing joy when you’re celebrating, expressing sincere sorrow when you’re saddened.

16. They dignify you and bolster your self-esteem and self respect by asking for your help and your opinion.

17. They wait to be asked before giving advice.

18. They look for and focus on the positive in you.

19. They remember their own mistakes, thereby giving you a pass when a mistake is made.

20. They don’t give up on you.

21. They sincerely and openly express their approachableness and humanness while maintaining professionalism.

22. They let you blossom as they gift you with freedom to express yourself within the necessary business or personal boundaries that must be set.

23. They collaborate rather than patronize.

24. They recognize everyone is at different stages of their life’s journey and they encourage, support and guide without stealing your freedom of choice.

25. They make you feel special, smart, and valuable.

Most extraordinary individuals have not achieved their personal and professional greatness by themselves. They’ve learned that we often need to see ourselves through the eyes of others before we can make real transformations. If you’re anxious to make a difference and would like me to mentor you, please contact me so you can reach your full personal and professional potential.


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