“Change is the end result of all true learning.” ~ Leo Buscaglia
Will you be disappointed, if the next time you’re sick, you go to the doctor’s office and you aren’t given a prescription for medication? Sadly, we live in a culture that, when we feel bad, we want to get instant results from popping a pill. While there’s a place for medication, much of today’s ills are a result of the lifestyle we live, whether by choice or circumstance. The good news is that you can learn to heal yourself of many of the emotional, spiritual and physical ills that today’s stressful society puts upon you.
If you want to heal yourself, you have to be willing to do the work, because no one can do it for you. It’s up to you to learn what foods are nutritious and good for your body; what exercise is fun and sustainable for you; what information feeds and builds up your mind and spirit. When you learn to connect with your own body’s inner wisdom, you’ll be able to support a lasting healing process from within.
Healing is deeply connected with learning.
Recently, I was interviewed by Rachel Stewart on her Pieces of Grit Podcast, and I shared with her why I love Somatic Coaching. It’s a coaching philosophy that moves the sectors of learning out of the head and into the whole body, which allows you to connect with something bigger than yourself, something spiritual. (You can listen to this lovely interview with Rachel Stewart on iTunes or on Rachel’s Website, or on her Pieces of Grit Library website.)
Never before in history have we had so much information available to us. Unfortunately, there are plenty of people saying, “this is the right way to live” or “that’s the wrong way to live”. However, because you are the only one who will live your life, I believe it’s up to you to choose your individual path, which makes you feel whole and healthy.
The reality is that people today, women especially, have been socialized to be less than what we are capable of being. We’re so much a product of our background and family experience, which may put unnecessary limits on us. Past traumatic events shape behavioral patterns and physiological reactions that we accept as normal, but our bodies show us how they’re damaging us instead.
When you choose to take in the right information for yourself, you can begin to heal. The more you learn the more you heal. The learning and healing journey are unique to each person. Don’t be afraid of it. I encourage you to embrace it as a way of growing.
Healing yourself involves learning to interpret what you’re given. All of the feedback you get from “your circle of influence” or “your tribe” gives you insight and fuel that gets you to the next stage in your development as a human being.
I like to think of our daily choices in terms of adjusting our dials.
We have different dials – family life, career, physical well-being, spirituality, recreation, etc. For example, some days we dial up career activities, while dialing down recreation; other days we dial down career and dial up family or exercise. Learn to suspend judgment as you mindfully create greater awareness of the dials that are important to you. (My free 7-Point Wellness Assessment is a great tool for doing this.) Then you can use any feedback you get, as a means of gauging if your dials are adjusted properly for the present moment.
Learn to relate to the people around you and your environment with curiosity, an open mind and healthy action, instead of a self-limiting emotional reaction. Would you like to become more mindfully aware of how to identify and interpret emotions and body sensations, so you can adapt or respond in more positive ways? Please contact me and schedule an “Unlocking Your Potential” 30-minute complimentary consultation (in-person, by phone or via Skype). Each step toward making positive choices is a way of learning how to heal yourself from within.
“The words you speak become the house you live in.” ~ Attributed to Hafiz
I speak a number of languages…English, Spanish, Italian, and Positivity. Yes, Positivity is a language. It’s the universal language of success. You have to speak it, if you want to go places in this world. Even if you’ve spoken Negativity your whole life, you can learn to speak Positivity into your life!
All languages have patterns that we practice in order to master them. When you finally become fluent in the language, the new way of thinking becomes automatic and you can form real and deep connections with others who speak it. The same is true when you practice speaking Positivity. You will create great success, when you make it a practice to speak positivity into your life every day. The words you speak become self-fulfilling prophecies, so speech is an extremely powerful tool. Once you’ve said it, your brain and body believe it.
We all have our own particular pattern of speech – some people are critical faultfinders, while others are known for always building others up. Of course, at times the most positive person can speak a negative comment. But overall, what pattern of speech do you have?
Over the course of the next week, I encourage you to pay attention to the words you use so you create greater awareness of your pattern of speech. Are you speaking Positivity into your life or is Negativity your mother tongue? You might even enlist a buddy to help you, because it’s difficult to be aware of this all the time.
We become more successful in life when we learn to use positive speech effectively. As you gain greater awareness, you’re going to notice how often the tendency to be judgmental is associated with negative speech. That’s why I encourage you to learn somatic practices and to practice suspending judgment and mindfulness.
Learn to avoid blanket statements or absolute statements, because they’re judgmental in nature and aren’t helpful in developing positive speech. They appear in thoughts such as, “total disaster, complete idiot, absolute wreak, always late, or never listens to me.”
Recognize words that limit you or label you. Notice when you’re speaking whether you’re creating unwanted boundaries in your mind. These words are usually followed by the word, “so”. And we often use them as excuses. For instance, you may say, “I’m a procrastinator, so…”
More often than not, we misuse the power of speech by unconsciously sabotaging our chances of success, by convincing ourselves that something is impossible; it can’t happen. Be mindful to avoid words that breed hopelessness, fear, anxiety or negativity.
On the other hand, when you use positive language about yourself and your abilities to meet challenges you will love the outcomes you achieve. When you speak Positivity, you use language that is precise, results-oriented and builds trust.
Neuroscience has proven that you can rewire your brain to replace destructive patterns of thought, speech and behavior with more positive ones. Once you’ve noticed a manner of speech that isn’t bringing positivity into your life, make a conscious decision to replace it. This applies to the words you speak about yourself and words you speak and choose to listen to about others.
When you want positivity to grow in your life, you won’t want to give your problems or stresses more power by talking about them. Instead, focus on the good that you want to grow. If you want more influence, self-confidence, connection or opportunities, pay attention to what you’re sending out into the world each time you speak.
Also, monitor your body language as well. How you hold yourself – your posture, facial expression, and demeanor – profoundly shapes your emotions and how you speak.
Are you ready to become proficient in the language of “Positivity”? It may seem like a foreign language to you, but you can master this powerful skill. It will attract more opportunities and give you the confidence to go after and get the success you crave. I’d love to partner with you as you speak positivity into your life. Please contact me and schedule an “Unlocking Your Potential” 30-minute complimentary consultation (in-person, by phone or via Skype).
Entire business departments have been thrown into a panicked frenzy because of them. Bosses have come close to firing loyal employees because of them. Friendships have been ruined because of them. Reputations have been damaged because of them. What has so much power to cause so much misery? People are unintentionally sending messages that are perceived as rude emails because they come across as demanding, disrespectful or insubordinate.
In business, especially via email, we often sacrifice kindness and respect in an attempt to be concise and to the point. Just “wanting to be quick” can lead to communication that is impoverished and more likely to be misunderstood.
We understand words in conjunction with vocal pitch and tone, speed and cadence, pauses, gestures, poses, and facial expressions. For example, we know that a twinkle in the eye and a smile softens corrective feedback. But with email, it’s very easy to convey frustration and judgment, because an email misses those auditory and kinesthetic elements of in-person conversation.
As human beings, no matter the situation, we want to feel seen, acknowledged and respected. However, in today’s world of emails and text messaging, clear and concise communication becomes complicated. Email strips a conversation bare, leaving it open to the receiver’s interpretation, which is largely based on their own cultural background, knowledge, biases, or current emotional state.
Since it’s often not what you say, but how you say it, that is perceived by your audience, how can you ensure your emails aren’t perceived as “rude emails” but are well received and elicit the responses you desire?
I’ve created a Checklist to help you avoid some of the common pitfalls. Here are five ways to check yourself and ten ways to check your email, before hitting the Send button…
- Check your mood. If you’re rushed, frustrated or impatient, find your center and calm down before you write and send an email.
- Be deliberate. My favorite NLP presupposition says: “The meaning of my communication is the response that I get.” This means that in communication, I’m 100% responsible for what I communicate. If the other person misunderstands, I have to recheck how I communicated.
- Reflect on your tone. If you would hesitate to say something to someone’s face, don’t write it in an email.
- Be concise, but engage your heart. Always remember that on the other side of your email is a human being. Use all your interpersonal skills and make sure you convey care and respect.
- Continue to refine your communication skills. We’re always in the process of improving our skills that lead to deeper personal and professional relationships. And, since your success hinge highly on your connections, excellent communication is vital!
Check your email:
- CC, BCC, or Reply All carefully. Only loop in the people who need to see what you have to say.
- Limit negative feedback or correction via email. Negatives become especially negative in email form, so discern when in-person communication is more appropriate.
- Use exclamation points sparingly. Enough said.
- Remember the power in a name. Keep it personal by acknowledging the person by name; and sign off with either your name or at least your initial(s).
- Include niceties. At the beginning of the day, or if you haven’t had a contact for awhile, a few kind words keeps brief messages from sounding brusque.
- Give detailed, weighty messages the respect they deserve. “Got it” or “Fine!” will appear flippant and rude.
- Proofread. Improper grammar, spelling and punctuation convey the idea that you don’t care.
- Create a clear message in the subject line. If your message is time sensitive, include a date or time, instead of URGENT or ASAP.
- Write in an easy-to-read format. Use white space to visually separate thoughts. Bullet points or bold type can highlight important details. However, all capital letters or boldface is perceived as “shouting.”
- Read it out loud. Make sure all relevant information is included in a manner that is clearly understood.
Miscommunication occurs when people have different expectations about the messages they send and receive. Making assumptions about your audience’s expectations increases the risk that your message, or its tone, will be misinterpreted.
You’ll put your best foot forward, if you remember to ask yourself, “Who is my audience? How would I talk to them in person? What kind of impression do I want to make?”
Would you like to learn more about how NLP coaching can enhance your relationships through effective communication skills? Please contact me and schedule an “Unlocking Your Potential” 30-minute complimentary consultation (in-person, by phone or via Skype).
Do you remember that time when you “got up from the wrong side of bed” and the bad mood persisted all day long? You felt like you should go back to bed and stay there, right? And then there are other days where good things just keep rolling in, like you’re a magnet for all the good in the Universe. Why can two days be so different? You’re the same person, aren’t you? Actually, you’re not.
Every day we put ourselves in a different emotional and mental state. For example, you go to bed fired up about tomorrow’s project, so you wake early, eager to jump out of bed. If, on the other hand, you go to bed worn out, grumpy, and anxious, the chances are the next day isn’t going to go so well.
What you do and how you feel is determined by the state you’re in. Your emotions and attitudes control everything in your life — your mood, your decisions, your actions. So the big question is: if you start the day in a negative state, how do you switch over to a positive state?
I love the Emotional Triad that Tony Robbins came up with. It helps us visualize how to become grounded and achieve our center. The idea is to try to keep the three sides of your Emotional Triangle in balance. The good news is that we can learn to mindfully change and manage each pattern or behavior that throws us off balance.
What is the Emotional Triad? Visualize a triangle that has these three sides printed on it…
Emotional Triad Side 1: What are you doing with your body? Tony names this side “Physiology.”
We are somatic creatures – our emotions affect our bodies and vice versa. If you improve your posture, you’ll experience a feeling of confidence and alertness. If you slump, your mood will slump. Try it right now. Stand up straight and breathe deeply. Reach your arm in an upwardly sweeping motion. Smile. Dance in place. Observe how this body movement changes your emotions. This knowledge is powerful!
Emotional Triad Side 2: What are you focusing on or believing? Tony names this side “Focus.”
As Tony Robbins says, “Where focus goes, energy flows.” Focus on the positive and set your intention on what’s important to you. Don’t let your mind wonder to the “what if,” or the “I can’t,” or the “I’m not.” Visualize the powerful and competent person you are and want to be. By setting your focus on the positive, your mental and emotional state will shift.
Emotional Triad Side 3: What are you saying to yourself? Tony names this side “Language.”
Name calling, second guessing, doubting, criticizing, blaming – these do not build good relationships with other people, so why would you talk to yourself that way and destroy your relationship with yourself? Cultivate greater awareness of the words and tone you use when you engage in self-talk. Do you see patterns of self-hatred or self-abuse? Then switch out that word, phrase or tone to one that shows self-compassion and self-love.
Get into the habit of mindfully assessing your Emotional Triad and change what isn’t promoting the positive emotional and mental state you desire. If one side of your Emotional Triad isn’t as strong as you want it to be, I’d love to work with you to strengthen it! Please contact me and schedule an “Unlocking Your Potential” 30-minute complimentary consultation (in-person, by phone or via Skype).
What goes on behind the scenes in the lives of great leaders? I look at the strong leadership presence of Tony Robbins, Lewis Howes, Brendon Burchard or Marie Forleo. They make it look so easy. Were they always strong people? Or did they learn to become strong people? I’d love to meet and ask them how they acquired their strong leadership skills, wouldn’t you?
We do know that much hard internal and external work goes on behind the scenes. All leaders continually work on developing mental strength. To give you a peek into the leadership world, here are seven “what if” scenarios. Think about how you would respond and why. This will reveal areas you may want to work on.
- Sentimentality and pragmatism. What if your “good friend” causes trouble in the company, because he can’t perform his job properly?
How will you react? Will you be patient, because there are mitigating circumstances? Will you assign him other tasks within his capabilities? Will you dismiss him?
How does someone with strong leadership skills respond? As a leader, you care deeply about your colleagues. You don’t have to be tough and unfeeling. But you do need strength to identify and manage personal feelings and issues that cloud your ability to see what’s best for the company.
- Earned trust. What if an employee is constantly pushing your boundaries?
How would you respond? Do you see her intent is disruptive, or is it creative? Does it become a personal challenge to your authority? Or do you see how she’s trying to make your company better?
What does someone with strong leadership skills do? You don’t have to be perfect as a leader. But you do need consistency and strength to clearly identify your boundaries and communicate these to your team. Consistent emotional states and dependable actions earn trust and make people feel secure.
- Kind yet firm. What if someone makes the same mistake over and over again?
What do you do? Is it kind to let it slide? Or do you take your frustration out by lashing him with harsh words and actions?
How does someone with strong leadership skills react? Leaders engender loyalty by personally connecting with their team to bring the best out of each one. They foster a harmonious company culture, not by being a “friend,” but by being someone who “gets” them and helps them excel at their jobs.
- Congruent actions and words. What if you continually promise more than you can deliver?
How would you respond? Do you shrug it off, making excuses? Or do you accept responsibility and make a course correct?
What does someone with strong leadership skills do? Once confidence is shaken, a strong leader knows it’s important to “knuckle down” and deliver on all future promises to regain their trust. She gets tough with herself so she fulfills her commitments and inspires her team.
- Initiate change. What if you’re brought in to lead a well-established organization and you want to shake things up?
What would you do? Do you hit them between the eyes with your new way of doing things? Or do you assess the old way – seeing what works and changing what doesn’t?
How does someone with strong leadership skills respond? While change may be necessary, strong leaders evaluate the situation and individual team members to see what needs to be done for the betterment of the organization, considering how and when to do it.
- Ego. What if someone younger and prettier than you is on the team and it makes you feel threatened?
How would you respond? Will you use your position to make that person “suffer” until they leave?
How does someone with strong leadership skills respond? Personality is a strong factor for how well an organization runs. Strong leaders work at staying humble, considering the work each person contributes. It’s not about them. They put the needs of the team before their own.
- Control. What if someone you’ve invested a lot of time and energy in mentoring decides to leave?
How would you respond? Do you take it as a personal slight? Do you try to manipulate them into remaining, against their best interests?
How does someone with strong leadership skills respond? Strong leaders accept that people have to live their own lives, so they let go, without letting it disrupt their peace or that of the team.
If you aspire to a strong leadership presence, allow challenges, such as these, to mold you into a better version of yourself, as a person and leader. I’d love to help you hone your leadership skills. Please contact me and schedule an “Unlocking Your Potential” 30-minute complimentary consultation (in-person, by phone or via Skype).